HOPEFULLY stuff starts working *MY* way soon.

joe made me aware of the email that amy sent me and she confirmed the meeting on monday that i was supposed to have on friday (except amy was sick and we couldn't have it then). she requested that i make out a list of services i currently have in minnesota that will need to be moved to massachusetts. i've already started calling pca agencies to find out a little about them and i listed the names and numbers on my computer during the past few weeks. i also need my cpap services switched over because i KNOW that i won't be able to fall asleep. then my bed rails (and my trapeze on my hospital bed) and walker (i'll probably need a vendor to repair my walkers if and when they need to be repaired). these are just SOME of the services i'll need switched over- i don't have many more since i don't do any rehabilitation therapy or college anymore. i'll need a new job coach though. i just hope she'll actually show up on monday because i'm not sure the apartment will take anymore delays in signing the papers for the apartment before completely dropping me off the list (even though the ics CLAIMS that i have 2 more apartment offers before i get completely dropped off the list and i have to wait at least 4 years to come up on the waiting list again more than likely). i hope to take the opportunity to actually become more able to do things independently without being preached on to go to courage kenny by relatives who don't give a shit about my actual situation and my progression in rehab. so they're basically USELESS to me(except to make courage kenny appear "helpful" when they think putting clients on machines my living room wall could operate but they care more about how supportive it makes THEM look to other people- or to get them closer to their in-laws and appear as good people) OR without people automatically assuming i'm incapable of doing things (i suppose there ARE things i'll still require assistance with but i hope this will make me more independent and able to do more things when i move to massachusetts). i will also have more privacy and i won't have bums stalking me in hopes to magically turn into me when they haven't been through HALF the shit i have. they foolishly get the impression that since we have the same DNA- things will work out for them like it worked out for me. it's one thing to be "inspired" by someone but it gets annoying when people who are supposedly supposed to be "supporting" you get enabled to keeping you from completing your goals just so you can be by the people stalking you when YOU DIDN'T GO THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT IN LIFE TO STAY IN THE COMFORT ZONE OF A FAMILY WHO ONLY "CARES" AT THEIR OWN CONVENIENCE AND BENEFIT. YOU'RE EXPECTED TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING YOU WORKED YOUR ASS OFF FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF PEOPLE WHO JUST PAY ATTENTION TO YOU AT THEIR OWN BENEFIT AND CONVENIENCE- SO THEY APPEAR SUPPORTIVE OR CARING OR WHATEVER OTHER BULLSHIT EMOTION NARCISSISTICAL HEIFERS HAVE. JUST STOP PRETENDING AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I GOT MYSELF THIS FAR AND I'M NOT STOPPING HERE FOR ANYONE'S CONVENIENCE OR BENEFIT.

private lessons again

after i was SUPPOSED to have a meeting with amy in the afternoon, i went to my spanish lessons at some community center which i've been doing for a while. the guy who owns the program said to me today that starting in 5 weeks, he'll come to my apartment and give me lessons because he thinks that i might understand better. i'm pretty sure that's what i did before i started going to the community center and i'm pretty sure i comprehended and understood the language better because he said that'll probably make me understand the language better. i'm not sure if it's also because i've been forgetting to attend classes and i think he may recognize that. i liked having lessons one on one better anyway, although i'm not sure if i had the lessons when i used to live in burnsville because he asked me if i still live at the same apartment and i said, "what do you mean? what city?" then he said, "burnsville.." and i said, "no.. i live in st. paul now." it only takes about 15 minutes at the most to get to the community center from my place in st. paul- so i'm not sure if it's closer than burnsville? probably. i'm anxious to see if he's correct.

APPOINTMENT?! WHO CARES! WHATEVER'S MORE CONVENIENT FOR *US*!

man.. can't ANYONE keep the appointments they schedule? so far it's been amy and now it's my psychologist (she texted me last night saying we have an appointment friday at 2..). i've tried to call her 2 or 3 times and just got her voicemail. i am thinking about ways to end this shit FOR SURE (so i don't get stuck having to go through rehab and shit because i didn't get things done). i'm not certain.. i want it to be as painless as possible. seeing as people who supposedly "care" about me are just concerned about the way it makes themselves look to other people when dealing with me- meaning they don't ACTUALLY care about ME- just looking like they LOOK like they care so it can make them look like a caring, supportive person. i gotta remember to leave for spanish in like 15 minutes. another hotel is interested in scheduling an interview with me and i told them the available days. certain people better get back to me soon about my future because if they don't- i'm strongly considering filing a complaint about them.. no.. i AM going to file a complaint. since i have people claiming i'm "all talk".. we'll see. it's like my "care" team doesn't CARE about ME enough to actually keep their damn appointments and do work for me. it's pretty fuckin frustrating when people assume you're too STUPID to stick up for yourself, so they work on their own convenience. next time i speak to a supervisor, i'm not gonna forget this shit.

IT DOESN'T PAY ANYMORE.

alright.. i've broke down crying NUMEROUS times (including sobbing while typing this out).. NOTHING i do will ever get me where I want to be in life. i noticed some people from courage kenny viewing my facebook timeline lately- the ONLY reason they're viewing my timeline is because DOUG (NOT DOUGLAS) STALKS ME AND GETS HARD EVERYTIME I MENTION "DOUGLAS" ON MY BLOG- THINKING IT'S REFERRING TO HIS BIGOT ASS. WHENEVER I REFER TO DOUG, I WILL MAKE A DISTINCTION AND SAY "THE RACIST PRICK" OR "THE PIECE OF SHIT" AFTER I TALK ABOUT HIM ON MY BLOG. I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO COURAGE KENNY AGAIN. i only went there because i didn't have anything else to do and i figured it'd keep me active. however- NOW i realize i have better things to do besides make my family and other people who don't actually give a damn about what i want actually look like they "care". the only reason why they want me to go there is so i can make other disabled people satisfied with being disabled like "LOOK! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE OF US WHO ACTUALLY CARES WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE AND WHAT/WHERE SHE'S GOING! SO BEING DISABLED IS COOL!" while the therapists there refuse to assist me in getting what I want done. example you ask (for the complete fucking idiots that haven't got it the first hundred times i've said this)? I WENT THROUGH THEIR DRIVING PROGRAM AT LEAST FOUR TIMES AND THEY FAILED ME EVERY TIME WITH THE REASON "NEEDS MORE THERAPY". NOT "won't be able to drive because her cognitive skills were effected". I ASKED THE THERAPIST AT REGIONS HOSPITAL IF I COULD GO THROUGH THERAPY TO INCREASE MY COGNITIVE SKILLS AFTER I BASICALLY FAILED MY LAST COGNITIVE TEST- SHE SAID STRAIGHT OUT TO ME, "NO." THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO HEAR. NO PUSSYFOOTING AROUND AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY DISABILITY JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT MORE FUCKING MONEY OFF MY DISABILITY WITH FALSE HOPES OF IMPROVING AND ACCOMPLISHING MY GOALS. I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND HOW ANOTHER GIRL AT COURAGE KENNY FEELS BECAUSE I REMEMBER ASKING HER IF SHE DROVE AND SHE SHOOK HER HEAD AND I ASKED HER, "DON'T YOU WANT TO DRIVE?" AND SHE JUST SHRUGGED HER SHOULDERS. I'M SURE SHE GOT THESE SAME COGNITIVE TEST RESULTS THAT I RECENTLY RECEIVED, SHE JUST DIDN'T WANNA EXPLAIN IT PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE'S EXPLAINED IT A MILLION TIMES BEFORE AND I RECOGNIZED THAT, SO I JUST DROPPED IT. i don't care how much of a fuckin cunt she was to me, i wasn't about to make someone feel bad for my own thrill. NOTHING i do will ever get me where I want because NO ONE AROUND ME CARES ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO MAKE SURE I'M GENUINELY HAPPY IF IT'S NOT FUCKIN CONVENIENT AND/OR BENEFICIAL FOR THEM. don't get me wrong- i DO receive care from my cousin joe but i don't wanna inconvenience him especially because it wasn't intended for HIM to assist me specifically and become my "support" by my grandma (my previous SORRY excuse of support) and my grandma DIDN'T say, "JOE WILL GET YOU TO NEW YORK!" no.. she said a million times, "AMANDA'LL GET YOU TO NEW YORK!" *yawn* IS IT CONVENIENT FOR HER TO DO SO OR DOES IT MAKE HER LOOK GOOD TO OTHER PEOPLE? OF COURSE NOT. it doesn't make her appear "caring" or "supportive" to her in-laws to assist me in accomplishing MY goals (which i've had for at least TWENTY FOUR fuckin years). do i REALLY have to be SPECIFIC about which "doug" i mean and say "BBD doug"?! (BBD standing for BIG BLACK DICK as he likes to call it) i think that may be too specific BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT!.. and he can actually get hard and not blame it on me unlike the other white doug. besides- i remember talking to the housing people in the apartment in massachusetts that i was accepted in and they asked me what kind of assistance i need (the kind of pca assistance i receive now) and i said, "well- he cooks my food for the most part and washes dishes and my clothes.." then they asked, "what about the bathroom? can you put yourself on the toilet and take a shower independently?" then i said, "i can put myself on the toilet and wipe myself.. i DO need assistance getting in and out of the BATH.. just for safety to get in and out of the tub.. when i had a roll-in shower in burnsville- i could do it independently." NOBODY seems to give a damn though. WHATEVER MAKES THEM LOOK MORE CARING, SUPPORTIVE, AND INVOLVED WITH MY LIFE! they're NOT "involved" with my life.. JOE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO ACTUALLY MAKES AN EFFORT TO HELP ME AND TALK TO ME. i suppose they're saying, "OH! SHE SAYS THAT JOE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT HER! SINCE HE SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY ONE- WE SHOULD LEAVE IT THAT WAY SINCE SHE DOESN'T WANNA MINDLESSLY GIVE UP EVERYTHING SHE'S WORKED HER ASS OFF FOR AND MAKE US LOOK GOOD BY GOING TO COURAGE KENNY IN A WHEELCHAIR AND LOOKING LIKE THOSE KIDS YOU SEE ON TV ON THE SALVATION ARMY AND SHRINERS CHILDRENS COMMERCIALS FOR KIDS WITH CANCER SO WE CAN GET SYMPATHY AND ATTENTION FOR CARING ABOUT HER WHEN IT'S NOT CONVENIENT FOR US AND SO WE CAN ACTUALLY APPEAR "CARING"!" well if they were actually telling the truth FOR ONCE they might say that. EVERYONE just seems to IGNORE ALL the shit i've had to go through JUST to be standing today. WHY? BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD OR CARING- WHICH THEY ARE NOT. THE ONLY RELATIVE WHO CHECKED ON ME LAST TIME I HAD SURGERY AND WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WAS JOE.. HE WENT ON VIDEOCHAT WITH ME SINCE I GOT OUTTA THE HOSPITAL BEFORE HE COULD SEE ME. when a person ACTUALLY cares about their family and they're in the hospital because of surgery that they had to have (in results of my narcissistic mom holding me in front of my dad when he kicked her when i was younger which caused damage to my bowel)- they CHECK on their family member.. ESPECIALLY when she's disabled. i even called amanda and her mom when i was in the hospital having surgery and NEITHER of them answered, so i left them BOTH a voice mail telling them where i was. DID THAT MAKE ANY OF THEM HAVE THE DESIRE TO EVEN CHECK ON ME? HELL NO. i could be dead. THEY COULD PRETEND TO ACTUALLY "CARE" AND GET ALL THE SYMPATHY THEY THINK THEY DESERVE! MAYBE NEXT TIME! they obviously didn't get attention or sympathy from anyone about this- SO WHO GIVES A FUCK?!

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

I SHOULD'VE FIGURED she'd pull somethin like this outta her ass. i got an email from amy about an hour ago (maybe shorter) and she said she had a cold and didn't wanna spread it to me, so she had to delay our meeting. that might be more acceptable if i didn't tell the apartment in Concord that i'd get back to them about when i can sign the papers for the apartment lease AFTER i spoke to my trustee about when i could get a plane ticket and arrangements to do so. IF I DON'T GET THIS DAMN APARTMENT- I'M SWITCHING BANKS THAT CONTROL MY DAMN TRUST. she can ALWAYS either get someone else to fill in for her or wear a damn mask (similar to the ones everyone had to wear during covid and they wear them now if they have covid not to spread the covid). i feel like brian was sick once and he got someone else to meet with me. back when i actually had a trustee who did their damn JOB. it's a little fucking coincidental that she gets sick and tells me at the last damn minute that she can't make it to an important meeting which determines if and when i get to move. IT'S OKAY THOUGH AMY- NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ME SO YOU CAN DO WTF YOU WANT!! RIGHT?! WRONG. I WILL MAKE SURE I GET WHERE I WANT AND NOT JUST WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU, AMANDA, OR MY OTHER CARELESS FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE). EVEN IF IT TAKES YOU LOSING YOUR FUCKING JOB. i speak to my psychologist tomorrow and YOU BETTER BELIEVE SHE'S GONNA HEAR ABOUT THIS BUT I'M ACTUALLY SO UPSET THAT I CAN'T EVEN EAT ANYMORE (THE UGARI THAT DIDN'T FALL ON THE FLOOR WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY JUST DROPPED IT AFTER WARMING IT IN THE MICROWAVE). i don't have an appetite. i'm not sure if it's because i'm so upset because the amount of ugari that i DID eat won't fill me up. abdul even asked me if i had something else to eat and got me a protein shake out- which i haven't drank more than half of it. i'm starting to understand how my grandma went without eating for days because when you get upset, your body naturally doesn't feel hungry.. or mine doesn't anyway- although my head is sorta starting to hurt now.

leaving nothing of significance.

i have a meeting tomorrow with amy (i'm not sure if anyone else is gonna be there.. i feel like she tried to intentionally schedule it when i'm scheduled for ICS to meet with me- i'm not sure if it's for her safety, so i don't throw a fit over the meeting if she gives me bad news because i hope that's not the reason because they won't protect her from my temper.. it won't protect anyone from my temper but i'm just gonna think optimistically and hope it's so the ICS can help with resources and other things i'll need to live in massachusetts). seeing as ICS has been the ones helping me search for housing in massachusetts- it may be so they can help with resources. it doesn't help to think pessimistically about situations- especially ones this important if i ACTUALLY wanna get somewhere. i thought joe wanted notes on this meeting since he can't be at the meeting personally.. he's about the only family member who's shown me any support. i'm not sure of the purpose of any of my other relatives frowning on my goal of living elsewhere and thus not assisting me AT ALL to move (since my grandma used to HONESTLY CLAIM that amanda would get me to new york almost EVERY day of her life during the last year or two of her life). i'm pretty sure she wanted me to wait for amanda to assist me in moving because she assumed if i did it by myself again, something was BOUND to go wrong- just like last time i went to new york and ended up getting in a car accident. another difference between that time i went to new york and this time when i'm planning to go to concord and live is that i actually have ICS assisting me with getting housing and other resources to live SAFELY and SUCCESSFULLY in concord- opposed to having tim assist me in getting to a state (we were both young and stupid punks who just assumed shit couldn't go wrong for us..). i like people who ACTUALLY do things. NOT ones who just stay in their damn comfort zones- having everyone else do the work for them to get them what they want. if you want something- you gotta put the effort in and ACTUALLY work for it. i was not supported by a parent who encouraged this kind of integrity and/or really gave me much to look up to and idolize by example. i think that's why my grandparents also might have stepped in and tried to help my mom as much as possible when they were alive. i naturally gravitated towards my grandparents with my brother. i'm not sure if that's the reason why both of us actually graduated high school while my sister dropped out of school in 8th grade because she was pregnant- never to return to school (YES.. i HAVE heard countless claims from her about going back to school to get her GED.. she's never actually taken the iniative to do so though.. she's got a few kids and NO high school diploma- i hate to tell her that she's in a raft in a wild river of life WITHOUT a paddle to help her steer anywhere or propel her because like calls from mom- I'LL JUST IGNORE CALLS and i KNOW jay won't help). they act as if they're weights on our lives- meant to drag us down when we're ACTUALLY trying to live our lives. i know my grandma threatened my mom never to ask me for money but i'm not sure about if she threatened her about my brother since my mom seems to get money from my brother (with AND WITHOUT his knowledge.. a mother who steals from her own children.. sounds like a NICE lady to me! *sarcasm*). the longer i'm kept from actually living my life the way I want- THE MORE SHIT WILL COME OUT ABOUT MY MOM'S RIDICULOUS EXCUSE OF "PARENTING". i feel like i'm only getting started. it shows exactly what i DON'T have in THIS state.

i have BETTER things to do.

when i was walking for 15 minutes up and down the hallway (like i do every day) this afternoon, the nurse who filled my anodyne machine came walking into my apartment to fill my anodyne machine and she said loudly, in a shocked tone, "STACY! IF COURAGE KENNY SEEN YOU WALKING TODAY! YOU SHOULD GO BACK THERE AND JUST WALK INTO THEIR FACILITY AND BE LIKE- HAH! I CAN WALK WITHOUT YOUR ASSISTANCE!" and i just kept walking and said, "nah." because the last time i tried to show up at their pathetic excuse of a facility without a walker or trekking poles, kevin (the physical therapist) bitched at me for showing up at courage kenny without a walker, trekking poles, or anything else assisting me to walk and told me never to return without my walker or trekking poles assisting me to walk because of LIABILITY (i didn't even come close to falling while walking). he assumed if i got hurt walking there without anything assisting me to walk, i'd sue the courage center because of liability or some bullshit. he just couldn't admit that he was butthurt because SOMEONE ELSE (TRAM) HELPED ME TO BECOME AMBULATORY and assumed he'd scare me because he assumed i was a gullible dumbass. so i'm just doing what he told me to do and NOT RETURNING without my walker, trekking poles, or something else assisting me to walk and i'm NOT returning (not even to rub it in their faces) because i have BETTER things to do and chances are, those fuckers would try to take credit for me gaining the ability to walk. so they (along with ANYONE and EVERYONE trying to get me to go back there and waste more of my fucking life there- you people obviously have NO respect for MY VALUES AND LIFE because you're convinced i'm not capable of anything but going to some pathetic overrated excuse of a rehabilitation center- which i attended for at least 5 years while my grandma was alive and be dependant solely on social security) CAN KISS MY ASS. kapeesh? kapeesh.

this is what you get when i don't get sleep.

i'm not sure how much sleep i DID manage to get last night.. i just remember waking up at about 2 and turning my tv off and struggling with my damn cpap. then i woke up at like 5 and couldn't get my cpap to stay on again.. i'm pretty sure i got pissed off at it and threw the mask on the floor and somehow managed to fall back asleep naturally- it probably took a while. seeing as the ics or ihs workers don't do what the fuck they're paid for and are just obviously trying to take advantage of the amount of time they get paid for assistance because they want fredrick's hours- the day they take me to stores to buy things, walk with me for 15 minutes a day, make sure i get all my meals, and make sure my clothes are clean is the day they CAN get paid more- TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOME OTHER MENTALLY DISABLED VULNERABLE ADULT (since i'm convinced that's how they, most of my family (INCLUDING AMANDA but not joe) and other people i see around this place think i am). AFTER A LITTLE MORE THAN TWENTY THREE YEARS- I STILL GET CHARACTERIZED AND DEPICTED AS A DISABLED BUM- WHY'S THAT YOU ASK? LOCATION. IN OTHER LOCATIONS PEOPLE AREN'T WORRIED ABOUT LOOKING BETTER THAN THE OTHER PERSON- THEY MIND THEIR OWN FUCKIN BUSINESS AND ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THEMSELVES. from my experience in traveling to other locations. they aren't concerned about keeping their relatives and people they supposedly "care" about back from doing better than themselves or just doing things differently than what they're used to. they're also more supportive of people around them and want them to do as well as they can in life. people in this state try to keep me back from progressing to levels that aren't convenient for them and they ignore them because they don't wanna be bothered with even their own damn family. ISN'T THAT RIGHT AMANDA? i won't be thanking you for not helping me. i'm just gonna treat you the EXACT SAME way you treated me all these years.. so ignore you except for when it's convenient for ME. the reason why i'm pretty sure i don't plan on reproducing is based on how I was treated MYSELF by MY family particularly after my brain injury and the selective support i received from my family. i'm not making another human being go through the shit i've had to go through because some selfish pricks who are too worried about themselves to show any amount of "care" for anyone but THEMSELVES.

Inevitable destination

well- i'm stuck laying in bed because my damn cpap doesn't work and i was told by zen that i'm not supposed to call staff for them to fix it anymore because they're not allowed to deal with a life-saving device like a cpap.. kinda defeats the purpose of even having "assistance" being PAID to "!assist" you when they can just use the excuse they were told NOT to assist you. i was thinking and i'm pretty sure that my case manager is assisting to put me in a damn nursing home because on her last evaluation, she claims i need help with bathing and grooming- which i do NOT- the only assistance i require in the bath is getting in and out of the tub for safety reasons so i don't slip and/or fall when getting in or out if the tub. it just sucks because i get the picture they're doing everything possible to make it seem like i need to be put in a nursing home for their convenience and amanda doesn't care! so that's where i'm bound to end up.

explanation for showing up.

i forgot to mention that one of the main reasons why i still went to the in-person interview at the hotel today was because i received a reminder that i had an in-person interview with that particular hotel from indeed last night and i'm pretty sure it was AFTER i spoke to him on the phone. hopefully he takes my persistence as a good thing that i'm trying to show up when i need to and doesn't mistake it for a memory problem which may happen when i'm working- so he doesn't hire me because that's NOT what it was. i honestly thought i had an in-person interview today because of the indeed reminder. he didn't even cancel the interview reminder like i'm pretty sure he could have done.

Can’t do good for anything.

i made another mistake with the interview today.. i completely forgot that i told the guy who interviewed me on the telephone yesterday that the phone interview we had was enough- because he said he felt like he got to know everything he needed when i spoke to him on the phone, so i didn't need to do another in-person interview with him. he'll probably use the fact that i thought there was an in-person interview today against me- knowing my luck. i'll just have to keep lookin for a job!.. ah well- memory problems are just part of having a brain injury. sometimes i wonder why i even try anymore but it's because I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO!

hopefully this interview isn't blown..

alright- so i showed up at the hotel i THOUGHT the interview was at, turns out the interview was at the hotel ACROSS THE ROAD. so i walked my ass ACROSS the street, trudging with my cane and my heavy ass bag hanging from my neck across my shoulder (it'd fall off my shoulder if i just hung it on my shoulder because it's so heavy, secretly praying that i don't trip and fall while walking). the lady there called the guy that the person across the street told me the interview was with across the street and he told me i was there the wrong day and he said, "i thought the interview was tomorrow at this time.. can you schedule it then?" i wasn't in front of my calendar and i forgot that's the time when i usually volunteer at sabathani. i just remembered the supervisor's name, so i might call him or the other lady i have on my cell to tell her i'll be late tomorrow. these hotels either ALL look alike or this is deja-vu because i could've sworn i've been to a hotel EXACTLY like this one that my interview is at before. i hate when this deja-vu shit goes on.. half the time it happens because something bad is gonna happen or something good and it distracts me half the time when i'm supposed to be interviewing. i looked on the calendar on my wall and the job interview WAS today- so i had it correct.

and ANOTHER one.

i have another interview at a hotel this afternoon, it's getting kinda frustrating because it just shows how employers are so picky (it's good to be picky but i've seen a lot of places where the workers just seem to sit around.. ah well, i'm not their bosses). it feels kinda like they're discriminating against me though. the main thing i believe i need help with is when the person interviewing you asks if you have any questions for them. i asked my job coach and she said i put them in my backpack.. so i gotta look there again. i used to think that if you didn't have any questions for the interviewer, they'd get the impression that you didn't have questions because you were listening to the interview- my job coaches told me that a person should have questions to show their interest in the job- which i can understand. i usually do a good job just thinking of some off the top of my head- but it's obviously not good enough because i haven't gotten hired for a new job yet. i remember talking to douglas about the interviews i've had and he was surprised because he said when he has interviews, the employer usually gets back to him right away whereas my interviews- the employer always gives me a week or so. the difference between us two is obviously that he's not disabled. i was going to make the argument that it's also because he's not interviewing for a hospitality job but the job he's interviewing for assists people.. so that argument doesn't work.
my damn cpap makes my nasal passages burn after a while. i seen some nasal spray on my counter and i wonder if that won't help? it's enough of an inconvenience having to wear a stupid mask while you sleep and when it makes your nose burn- it just makes it more difficult to fall asleep.

can't REALLY feel bad about losing something i didn't have for long..

i suppose this news that i can't drive may be more upsetting if i had my driver's license for longer than about a month before i got too injured to be able to use it anymore. however, that doesn't reduce my frustration i'll be forced to have when applying to jobs (i can tell that employers want to hire employees who actually have a car/guaranteed way to and from work when i'm applying to jobs now.. i'm not sure if that's also why someone in boston asked me if i had a job and if i planned on working when i moved to boston- i think i told them that i needed something to keep me busy because bad things tend to happen when i'm not busy.. i just realized how much of a nut i probably came off but at least i was honest). i found two more pca companies to call tomorrow or when i get to it. i'm pretty sure this boston move is actually happening for me because one of the ics workers this morning was helping me with something (i can't remember what it was right now) and he said casually to me, "oh.. is that where you're moving?" NOT "is that where you're TRYING to move?" or "is that where you WANT to move?" so i hope this doesn't fall through. oh yeah- it was about finding out this income information about this waiting list for a new jersey housing company that i've been registered with for at least 3 or 4 years i think. i told him that i just wanted a back-up plan in case this plan (for some reason) falls through and doesn't work for me (knowing my luck with things).