fotos?

i was brushing my teeth this morning and i was thinking about this nolan wells' murder.. the murderers have to be his white "friends". THEY WERE THE LAST ONES SEEN WITH HIM AND THE ONLY REASON WHY THEY'RE NOT IN JAIL IS BECAUSE WHO THEIR RELATIVES ARE. must be nice to have relatives that are willing to risk their jobs/positions in government. if this had been a white boy- the black friends would already be fried in the electric chair by now. i was thinking of the pictures i seen of him as a little boy with all his white friends. it reminded me of all my sports pictures when i was younger and i was the only little brown girl with white little girls. the MAIN difference between our situations has to be location.. he was from mississippi. we got racist pricks here- don't get me wrong.. i have a few in my family.. however- the racists in this area are a bunch of pussies who i guarantee would put their tail in between their legs when around black and other minorities here. however.. i grew up on BOTH sides of the track- having a father who was hispanic and a white mother who had custody of my brother and i. so i was basically raised by white people and i basically was raised with white culture (we didn't celebrate mexican holidays). so with that said- i obviously had white relatives who went to school with me growing up- so i'm sure that since they integrated with me, that showed other white kids that i was cool to be around. so i was in school sports growing up.. in fact- i was on the traveling basketball team when i was younger before basketball was offered to everyone to play, i was the only brown girl there too but we didn't see color and all the girls were respectful and nice and the little girls were too young to understand/care about me racist/how i was a different color than them. i'm wondering where the pictures i had of me when i was in the traveling team and other sports in school went.. i thought i got at least one or two of them scanned but i'm not sure what happened to the rest. i know some of them were in my grandma's house when it burnt down (considering i used to basically live with her all through school before i was in a car accident when i needed my mom to physically assist me since i was made disabled). the lady who used to be the supervisor of this program "helped" me clean out my apartment and got rid of a lot of things but she insisted that she didn't throw any pictures away.. so i'm not really sure where the hell they are. i'm gonna check this box laying on my floor but i'm still not sure they're there. i go to sabathani later, i'm really glad i found some escape to this boring ass life which tries to keep me disabled so people can actually feel "useful". it used to be worse the less diverse surroundings i was in.. so it's slowly getting better.. i may be truly happy by the time i'm 70! i happen to relate and feel more comfortable around black people compared to growing up around white people. i'm not sure if it's because black people have never discriminated against me for my color and because they understand what it's like to be a minority/darker person. i remember when i was younger and my grandma tried to make me feel better about being a different color compared to everyone else around me at the time when she said, "OH STACY! IN TWENTY YEARS EVERYONE WILL BE TAN LIKE YOU!" i think she was trying to make me more at ease with being a different color and the ONLY reason why i'm now in an area where people are more "tan" like me is because I took the iniative to get the hell out of the small hick town i came from. i don't know/care if people in the area where i was raised are more "tan" like me.. i doubt it and i don't have enough desire to see. if they can be ignorant.. two can play that game, i guess.

what does this mean for *ME*?

i put in google just now, "if you have shallow breathing, which health problems do you have?" and this popped up: "Shallow breathing (also known medically as tachypnea) occurs when you do not fully expand your lungs, relying only on chest muscles. Common underlying issues include lung conditions (e.g., asthma, COPD, pneumonia, pulmonary embolism), heart conditions (e.g., heart failure), or mental/physical stress (e.g., anxiety or panic attacks)." SO KEEP IT UP MOTHER FROM HELL! you'll be burying your oldest if you and your flying monkeys continue to give me anxiety by NOT MINDING YOUR OWN FUCKIN BUSINESS! i may not even have to do anything but breathe in order to get away from you negative, selfish bums! thanks a lot! STALKING ME will NOT stop me from living my life.

should i be concerned?.. hm..

well.. i just looked at my happysleep "my progress" for sleep and it says "79%" under breathing and also "Watch out!".. so that confirms my last post about not being able to breathe. i'm not sure if how much you breathe has any impact on health concerns (it more than likely does- because a person needs to breathe in order to live). oh well. hopefully they find a solution for my breathing before something bad happens to me. it's probably why i used to have long tired sighs at random times of the day.. i'm pretty sure the reason why i don't sigh as much anymore is because i've been using my cpap. needless to say- i yawn a lot during the day and i'm usually tired. my therapist is coming in about 45 minutes, i actually feel a lot better after talking to her. i heard someone ranting about how people share everything about their lives online these days- the only reason why i have this blog is for my memory since i can't remember shit because of my traumatic brain injury. so, unlike a lot of people, i'm NOT "bragging" about my life when i share what happens to me and you're a complete imbecile if you think i am. bragging about the shitty ass parents and all the shit they've done to me.. not to forget the surgeries and conditions i have BECAUSE of them.. i honestly post for MY REFERENCE and to help me express my feelings and thoughts about things because no one seems to give a fuck. if certain sisters think they can relate to me in ANY way- they should ask themselves if they managed to graduate high school WITH HONORS while participating in sports when they were able (i'm sure she still can- there were fat girls on our team). she should ask herself if she also managed to work a job while doing ALL of this. also- if she managed to get her fat ass outta HER WHEELCHAIR even when instructed by doctors NOT TO. point is- if you're gonna try to relate to me- DON'T FORGET MY ACHIEVEMENTS. not just the shit i'm really not proud of- being your sister is one along with having the same mother from hell and i can't forget when you ran off to florida with your deadbeat boyfriend thinking you were so smart and JUST like me. number one- i definitely had better places to go besides floridumb. number two- i had a ROUND-TRIP TICKET (so i intended on returning). copying the things i regret doing does NOT make us the SAME. WERE YOU INJURED WITH A TBI AND PUT IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR AT LEAST 15 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE WHILE STILL GRADUATING FROM HIGH SCHOOL WITH HONORS AND THEN DID YOU ALSO TAKE NUMEROUS COLLEGE COURSES TO FIND WHICH JOB WAS RIGHT FOR YOU?! NO. YOU SPREAD YOUR FUCKIN LEGS AT 12 YEARS OLD AND GOT PREGNANT, DROPPED OUTTA SCHOOL IN JUNIOR HIGH I THINK (although- now that i think about it- 12 years old is probably still ELEMENTARY SCHOOL) AND NEVER GRADUATED. WE ARE NOT THE SAME. i was also thinking this morning while laying in bed before i got up about just why the fuck do my stupid sister and cousin care that i move? if you idiots figure you can just put me in charge of taking care of my mom when she needs to be taken care of- so it's not on either of you and because my mom took care of me when i was in my car accident.. let me remind you- it is a PARENT'S RESPONSIBILITY to take care of their child if they're injured and almost killed. it is NOT their children's responsibility to take care of their parents IF they have medical issues themselves and especially NOT if they have traumatic brain injuries and two other healthy siblings and a family who supposedly cares so much about their aunt. i'm not afraid to just shove her in a nursing home because i'm sure that's what she would've done for me if it weren't for my grandparents. SO GO AHEAD AND PUT HER CARE ON ME WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR HER TO NEED "CARE"! I REMEMBER HOW I WAS ONLY GOOD FOR A DAMN SHIELD TO BLOCK MY DAD'S FOOT FROM KICKING HER! my dreams along with the surgeries i've had to have as a result of it WON'T let me forget. selfish bum.

can't breathe..

i was thinking about when i should go to rick's and then i remembered- my driver's permit expired last month! i have a doctor's appointment this thursday to get it renewed and to get permission by a written doctor's note saying i can drive. i remember the last time i had to get a doctor's note- the doctor told me to just come back to them anytime if i needed help advocating for myself to be able to do things. so i could go sometime before thursday but there's also a good chance they wouldn't let me in (even though i'm pretty sure i've ran into this same problem at the airport and they let me go on the plane anyway). i must not look like i'm that harmful of a person? a petite hispanic with a cane!! oh no!
i slept with the happysleep ring on my finger last night to monitor my breathing while i sleep (i'm pretty sure it monitors my blood pressure/heart by just wearing a ring on my finger.. it glows in the dark but i'm not sure if you're supposed to take it off when you wash your hands.. i don't think it matters because the app still detects the ring after i wash my hands with it on and i don't remember anyone telling me not to get it wet or reading anywhere that i wasn't supposed to get it wet). it'll finally monitor how fucked up my breathing is while i sleep. i'm pretty sure douglas told me that there were times he thought i wasn't breathing for a while when he slept by me and i distinctly remember my grandma always getting scared when i would sleep at her house and she'd always shake me and wake me up to make sure i was still alive. i guess this thing is supposed to help them determine which mask (if any) i should sleep with while using my cpap or something like that- i don't remember for sure. it's probably why every now and then i find my throat getting itchy and start to cough for air- sometimes i need water to help me so i don't cough. i used to think my grandma was only coughing all the time because she smoked like a chimney but now i'm pretty sure it was because of her allergies mixed with her apnea.. her smoking didn't help things at all. so genetics fucks me once again.

nosey ass people.

this is just ONE of the biggest reasons i AM moving.. i see about 15 views for my last blog post. i'm not exactly sure YET what that's all about. my sister and i'm assuming other family members feel like they should protect me from things that's NOT ANY of their business. like how my sister felt like she should "protect" her OLDER and much WISER sister from boyfriends or anyone else who may hurt her OLDER sister when she basically stalked me, traced who used to be my boyfriend according to facebook and tried to threaten him (but he's not the sharpest nail in the box- so he took it as she was interested in him, so he flipped it and started hitting on her- she told me and i dumped him- i don't have time for that shit.. HOWEVER- even though she helped show me what kind of a person he was- she should've minded her own business.. because let me remind you- i AM OLDER and much WISER). i kinda get the feeling that either my sister, mom, or some other nosey ass family member that just needs to mind their OWN fucking business are trying to act all tough and they may be planning to attempt to "help" me.. you wanna help me? you REALLY wanna help me? mind your fuckin business. end of story. i've got myself THIS far in life.. WITHOUT THE HELP OF A NARCISSISTIC BUM OF A MOM OR IGNORANT ASS FAMILY MEMBERS. what about after my car accident when someone needed to take care of me (her flying monkey is attempting to look "smart")?.. well MONKEY.. you ARE a PARENT.. so in that case- you SHOULD understand the responsibilities of a CARING PARENT. the children of that parent are NOT SUPPOSED to be held hostage to a level of living their parent only had the intelligence and desire to be at. i hope antonio or lily leave you when they get older and don't talk to you EVER again so you can see exactly why they chose to cut all contact off with you (because you didn't respect their choices and were controlling). judging by how you're more than likely giving my mom tips on how to parent- THEY JUST MIGHT DO THAT!! *CLAPS* mind your fuckin business. ALL situations are NOT the SAME. you people should know me by experience and you also should know how IF i wanted help with something- I'D TELL YOU ALL. that's another reason why i'm moving- because my family doesn't know how to mind their own god damn business or COMMUNICATE with each other properly.. the further i am away from all you ignorant asses, the happier i'll be. so in other words- my family does NOT make me want to remain in this unopportunistic state. if my family REALLY wanted to protect me- they'd be keeping my mom as far AWAY from me as possible and would be minding their business. you are quite possibly the biggest reason why i don't want to live here anymore. with sad excuses of "support" attempting to show "care" for me by telling me "you got this!" while communicating with me once in a blue moon and not offering me any support or care or advice (encouraging me to attend some sad excuse of a "rehabilitation center" i've ALREADY attended and stopped attending because i recognized they weren't helping me progress in life with ANYTHING and were just taking advantage ofmy LACK of care and advocacy.. they just liked appearing like they were actually assisting me, so they only helped me get so far in therapy and remain at that strength and ability so they could continue getting paid by insurance- oh but all of a sudden you're "supportive" of me going to that dump WHEN MY GRANDMA PROMISED ME THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO ATTEND THAT DUMP ONCE SHE DIED BECAUSE "AMANDA WILL HAVE YOU IN NEW YORK!" *yawn* what she was UNAWARE of was that YOU are just as NAIVE as her- IF NOT MORE. plus you don't care enough about me to actually TRY to help me. it's like i can't get to a stage in life that's inconvenient for some bums who just "care" about me whenever it's CONVENIENT or BENEFICIAL for them- ESPECIALLY when it doesn't make my family appear more "caring" and "supportive" than they really are. i'm assuming my overweight sister with a jr. high education is reading this and is amused by this. it's like she expects the more she reads my blog.. her fat ass will magically turn into me. what do you have to say about that FLYING MONKEY? my family (except for joe and jay) are the biggest motivations to move as FAR away from this sorry ass state. i never used to be this bothered by them- but they may possibly be the biggest reason. they're probably proud of this also. THEY DON'T CARE. THEY CARE MORE ABOUT THEIR AMUSEMENT AND ENTERTAINMENT WITH SOMEONE WHO'S ACTUALLY TRYING TO GET THEMSELVES OUTTA THIS SHIT, SO GENERATIONS AFTER ME DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT (abuse from PARENTS which results in numerous surgeries, ptsd, i'm sure there's more medical conditions caused by them). i took a shower this morning and i looked at my stomach while in the shower- I LOOK LIKE A DAMN VOODOO DOLL ALL STITCHED UP FROM SURGERIES THAT I NEEDED TO HAVE BECAUSE MY PARENTS ARE A BUNCH OF SELFISH ASSHOLES- BOTH OF THEM along with my tracheotomy scar on my neck which i needed to have because of a drunk driver and i needed a way to breathe after the car accident caused by him. what's new? i got scars because of another person's NEGLIGENCE?! at least the drunk driver had enough integrity and respect for me to apologize for it.. UNLIKE MY ENTITLED BUM OF A MOM. if amanda figured that having my mom in this state would give me more desire to stay here- SHE'S OBVIOUSLY MORE NAIVE AND UNINFORMED THAN I THOUGHT. "OOO! HER MOM IS IN MINNESOTA AND SHE WOULDN'T WANT TO LEAVE HER MOM JUDGING BY THE RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH MY MOM!" EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT SITUATIONS IN LIFE, EINSTEIN. so all you jackasses should stop trying to make it look like you actually "care" and go the fuck away. you're obviously not going to help me get what I want done in life.. ESPECIALLY IF IT ISN'T CONVENIENT OR BENEFICIAL FOR YOU.

ah well.

alright.. douglas told me on my birthday that since we couldn't go to rick's cabaret on tuesday- we'd just go this weekend when he could change his clothes and shoes. thing is, i'm not really sure it's a wise thing to do because i'm also thinking he might make me pay for him again- he asked me for some money to gamble with on tuesday.. i was just so happy to get outta the house that i didn't even think of telling him he had to use his own money (considering it WAS MY BIRTHDAY). whatever. i think i only gave him $200 at the most. he might try to have me pay his way into rick's cabaret if we go there- so i don't really wanna put myself in the position where he asks me for money to pay his way into the club and i have to tell him to pay his own way in. fredrick told me after i told him about when we went to the casino that he didn't like seeing people take advantage of me. whatever- people either ignore my existance or take advantage of me. that's what i get for living in this state.

happysleep ring.

i got my ring today from happysleep. i think i'm supposed to put it on my finger before i go to sleep, but i'm not really sure if i'm supposed to open an app on my phone before i put it on. it's going to monitor my heart beat while i sleep.. so i'm not really sure if there's something possibly wrong with my heart too (which would explain why it flutters frequently- although it hasn't been fluttering as much since i avoid talking to or about my mom..). pretty fuckin sad that a person's mother could give them so much anxiety they cause their hearts to beat irregularly. i've had to go to the emergency room a few times when i lived in burnsville because i was concerned about it. WHAT EXCUSES DO YOU HAVE FOR THAT, FLYING MONKEY?! condoning your abusive aunt won't get you anywhere. it may cause me to have heart problems or a stroke though! *CLAPS* KEEP IT UP!.. ALL you're proving to me by enabling their abuse is that you don't give a shit about me. *sigh* whatever. the love i typically receive from family- that and stalking the shit outta me like my sister and other family members. i don't even have an exciting life but i can't seem to take a shit without certain family members being interested in it- PSST. THAT AIN'T GONNA GET YOU ANYWHERE EITHER. i can hear the other flying monkey saying, "WELL IF SHE WENT TO COURAGE KENNY- SHE WOULDN'T HAVE A FLUTTERING HEART!".. no, i'm pretty sure when i was going to courage kenny, i had to go to the emergency room as well for a fluttering heart. *CLAPS* A BAD HEART.. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT COULD USE?! COURAGE KENNY! RIGHT?! WE LEARNED THAT IN BEAUTY SCHOOL, SO IT'S GOTTA BE TRUE! I'LL TELL HER "YOU GOT THIS!" AND THAT'LL MAKE HER HEART BEAT REGULARLY!

*IF* you've *NEVER* experienced my life- you really don't have a right to give your opinions on it.

alright.. so i'm positive that some of my "friends" who read my blog- assume that i'm just over exaggerating the shit i say my mom did to me. why do they think that? because they've NEVER personally had to deal with things like their own mom holding them up when they were infants and their dads also NEVER kicked their moms- well, i took the damage this kick (to my mom's satisfaction- which is exactly why she held me up to block his kicks like a damn shield). the TWO surgeries on my bowel prove it. i remember after my last surgery, i looked up on google, "how does a bowel get blocked?" it said, "trauma to the abdomen area or if the person is turning". i was sitting at my computer, not even turning, when my abdomen felt like something was kicking inside of it repeatedly. no one cares about all the damn pain i've had to go through on account of her selfish ass feeling like she should bring me into the quarrel with my dad since no one did anything about him beating on my mom. so she accomplished getting my grandpa pissed off because my dad kicked me and i'm pretty sure that's when my grandpa chased my dad to mexico- i never seen him again and i was told he died in a drug trading accident with the cartels in mexico by my brother who was told by someone he was doing a welding job for a while ago. i have to keep reminding myself that my "friends" are just some people who have never had to experience this abuse or any abuse for that matter- so they don't know how it feels, so their opinions have absolutely NO affect on me or my situation at all because they obviously don't know or CARE how it feels.) i've had to deal with a family who just enables my mom's neglect and abuse ALL my life (i'm pretty sure that's also why my grandparents stepped in and tried to take care of my brother and i as much as possible when they were alive- they seen my mom wasn't capable of being a loving parent when there wasn't a benefit for her). with all that said- she provides to be an example of everything to AVOID being/doing. that actually motivated me not to just sit in my fucking wheelchair and act helpless because i KNOW that's what my mom would've done if she was in my situation. proof you ask? when my mom was told she had something wrong with her because my grandma had my mom as a nuchal chord baby. so my mom assumed she could go through life acting like she couldn't do anything and she likes playing victim- so this is perfect for her. some of my so-called friends are probably acting like i'm over exaggerating and i should be more understanding to my elders. lemme ask those same "friends" this- HAS YOUR PARENTS EVER BEEN THE CAUSE OF AT LEAST TWO OF YOUR SURGERIES IN LIFE (SO FAR)? no? right. can it. you have absolutely no right to make judgments or opinions on me. same goes to my so-called "caring" relatives who were taught to just condone this shit and it'll go away! did my bowel problems go away after just "sweeping this under the rug"?! i wish. my mom doesn't deserve ANYTHING from me. she's never told me about this situation in my whole life. probably because she's ashamed of her reaction to my dad kicking her and she would've never been able to handle my reaction to this knowledge.. i had to piece all this information together MYSELF. i distinctly remember my grandma saying under her breath after i had my first perforated bowel surgery and the doctors asked her if i had been involved in anything that would have put trauma to my stomach region, "well.. stacy may have been kicked in a fight but it's nothing serious. her mom tried to turn away frøm him when he was kicking her." so my grandma basically condoned this shitty parenting and was trying to make excuses for her precious daughter. so to my "friends" and "family" that are rolling their eyes or thinking skeptically because no one could ever be this evil- YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO HAVE AN OPINION ON THINGS YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED YOURSELF. i'm pretty sure that's also the reason why i was diagnosed with ptsd. the psychologists assumed i had ptsd after the car accident i was in, they even tested me MANY times at gillette a long time ago.. i never had ANY symptoms until i recently had my last blocked bowel surgery when i had dreams flashing back to being KICKED by my dad because MY MOM felt like it was wise to use my body as a shield when my dad was kicking my narcissistic mother. then we have "FRIENDS" who don't even fuckin care about me acting like i'm lying or overexaggerating. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE BEFORE- DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY LESS TRAUMATIZING TO ME. oh look! ANOTHER reason why i need to gtfo of this state! just hope i don't get so swept up in my anxiety again, so i don't do crazy shit again that will kill me this time. it'd probably be easier to guarantee that won't happen the FURTHER i get away from the mom from hell. she's a spawn of satan falsely wearing a cross around her neck to fool people that she's actually a good person.

MY FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE) NEEDS TO LEARN WHAT *CARING* REALLY MEANS.

i don't know if i've wrote about my frustration with this topic before- it continues to come up in my mind.. so i'm assuming i have. i don't really understand how my family expects to look "caring" for basically refusing to assist their own family member to get to a place where they can be truly constructive and happy when i'm sure they have knowledge of the fact that keeping their "loved" one in a place where they supposedly get a higher pay from social security- so they can just depend on that while wasting their time and potential at some sad excuse of a "rehabilitation facility" just because it makes them look more CARING to everyone else (i know because none of my family (but joe) has taken in consideration of MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE with the pathetic excuse of a "rehabilitation facility" because they're ONLY concerned with how they appear to everyone else!)amanda and/or none of my other family members (but joe) have taken the opportunity to ask me about my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE with that shit. they care more about how they appear to everyone (assuming they should be concerned about me moving to another state- simple solution to that problem! tell them to MIND THEIR BUSINESS! *gasp* IT'S REALLY THAT EASY!)of course my family members (except joe) don't care about me that much! which is really another reason why i have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE TO STICK AROUND THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A STATE. they'd rather see me wasting my time at that waste of space rehabilitation "facility" rather than actually work on getting more WORK EXPERIENCE so that i'm not completely fucked when this country cuts off the social security entirely for some stupid reason to everyone who is too vulnerable to get someone to ACTUALLY LISTEN to them so they're SCREWED!.. OH WAIT STACY!! THAT WOULD BE ME! it's ok though- nobody obviously cares about my well being! that's why this shit continues and i'm STILL in the SAME state! MY PATHETIC EXCUSE OF "SUPPORT" = EMPTY EXCUSES OF URGING ME SAYING "YOU GOT THIS!" without ANY attempts to solve or help me with my problems! my grandma was a fool to believe you'd actually help me get to where i wanna be. SHE NEVER CONSIDERED HOW INCONVENIENT IT WAS FOR YOU FOR ME TO BREATHE AND/OR BE TRULY HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL! stop trying to solve my problems like the only way she knew how, she promised you'd help me in the ways she was unable to because she was aware of her naivety and how things changed a lot since she was younger. you're just as naive as her if you can't see that. ask yourself this: WOULD YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO JUST THROW AWAY HER CAPABILITIES AND ABILITIES TO BE TRULY SUCCESSFUL AFTER BEING A STUDENT WHO MANAGED TO GRADUATE WITH HONORS, PARTICIPATE IN SPORTS WHEN SHE DIDN'T HAVE A TBI, AND ATTEND COLLEGES JUST TO GO TO SOME SAD EXCUSE OF A REHABILITATION "CENTER" WHICH DEPENDS ON CLIENTS WITH A LACK OF KNOWLEGABLE ADVOCACY WHICH DOESN'T LET HER SHOW HER TRUE PROGRESS AND ABILITY JUST SO THEY CAN CONTINUE HAVING CLIENTS?! YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT IF YOU SAID ANYTHING LIKE "YES". if you truly cared about me- you'd be helping as much as you can to see to it that i get more work experience so when grump grifts the social security money and tells everyone they need to work for their money- no matter the disability, I'LL ALREADY HAVE THE WORK EXPERIENCE TO HELP ME GET HIRED TO GET JOBS WHICH ACTUALLY PAY FOR ME TO SURVIVE. plain out- YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME. YOUR SMART ASS VOTED FOR THIS!

better than usual.

yesterday was alright.. better than most of my birthdays so far. we didn't make it to rick's cabaret YET because douglas said he stopped by there after work but they weren't letting him in because he had a jersey on and the wrong shoes i think. i'm not sure they would've approved of my wardobe either.. i wasn't dressed badly or anything but douglas said they said he couldn't go in because he had shorts on too. i was wearing a skirt (which i DO see other women going to clubs wearing.. so i'm not really sure) but if they were picky about his shorts- i'm not sure if this would be a double standard. douglas reassured me that i was dressed fine though and we just went to the casino. i don't really enjoy gambling especially when i'm losing and i didn't make much money (if any), i wasn't about to continue feeding a losing machine- i know people are probably like, "just switch machines!" well- i did and they still weren't winners.. so i wasn't gonna continue forking over money. plus- douglas said we could go to rick's another day (possibly this weekend?)- so i saved some money for there. i was just happy to get outta the house for my birthday FOR ONCE. no thanks to the supposed reason why i haven't gotten to move and ACTUALLY live MY life. jealous losers. my SUPPOSED "caring" family.