i missed the excitement!

when i was at sabathani today, i expected to hear about what went on yesterday with the lady who got shot by ICE. at first, it was business as usual but then towards the end of my shift, i heard one of the guys who work there (he usually is the one who helps me when i need help) talking about how ICE had all these vehicles and wanted to park around sabathani yesterday and there really wasn't anywhere to park. they shared my feelings about the grump administration. i was looking at my stats today and just by the looks of it- my mom must be acting concerned about me and maybe telling others so they look at my blog because they have nothing better to do other than pretend they're concerned about someone just to make my mom feel better so she leaves them alone. tell me MOM.. were you THIS concerned about me when you used ME as a shield when my dad was kicking YOU? no? i didn't think so. if you were that fucking concerned about me- you'd be urging other people to ACTUALLY help advocate and assist me with getting resources to live where I am TRULY happy- so i can be satisfied and CONSTRUCTIVE with my life. something you and amy (my half sister) obviously know NOTHING about, so you're trying to cling to me because MISERY LOVES COMPANY! then when i was went to the front of sabathani when my shift was over, i was talking to the security guard as usual and he said, "it's better than it was here yesterday." and i said with a laugh, "yeah.. just LUCKILY i got my certificate of citizenship and passport in the mail YESTERDAY- so those ice fuckers can't harass me about that.. well.. not LEGALLY anyway." then he said, "that's good! it was crazy here yesterday." so i just missed the party. which is more than likely a good thing because i tend to get cocky when people i don't like try to show authority.. and i DON'T like being pushed around. NOR do i like seeing other people get pushed around.
i also spoke to someone about how i basically got evicted for my reactions to smoking in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. the guy seemed willing to help me.. UNLIKE SUPPOSED "CARING" FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WERE SUPPOSEDLY GONNA GET ME TO NEW YORK ACCORDING TO MY GRANDMA! i told him that when the ics was helping me apply to an apartment in boston said that he might have difficulty getting me into the apartment because i was "evicted" for my reactions to smoking in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. he said straight out to me, "that's illegal. you got yourself a lawsuit right there." and i said, "YEAH! THAT'S WHAT MY COUSIN JOE SAID TOO!" the ONLY CARING family member who actually assists me in life so i'm truly happy. amanda is just concerned about looking GOOD to other family members. NOT what she supposedly told my grandma she'd assist me with. she doesn't give a damn about me or my mental health. QUIT THE FAKE SHIT. MY MOM IS GONNA BE GONE BEFORE I AM, ESPECIALLY WITH ALL HER DAMN SMOKING. AMY CLAIMS SHE QUIT BUT I BELIEVE JAY OVER AMY ANYDAY AND HE SAID THAT SHE STILL SMOKES. i've got MORE life than she does and probably a lot more than people who falsely claim they "care" and that's why they don't want me to move where I TRULY WANT TO LIVE. i'm thinking that my mom also probably discovered i put a block on all her damn numbers- which is also probably why she looked at my blog so much. FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO. GO WALK YOUR FUCKING DOG. i refuse to communicate or even interact with ANYONE NOT supporting MY goals. go fuck yourselves. i've went through enough shit just to get myself where i currently am and i'm NOT stopping just for the convenience of people who really don't give a damn about me. even grandma understood my goals but she was getting old and naive and ridiculously put her confidence in a selfish person who really doesn't want to help me because she couldn't give a damn about me. EVERYTHING about me is too damn inconvenient for her. proof of that is how she never answered the phone when i called her from the emergency room (it wasn't JUST ONE TIME when she refused to answer the phone either- after about the second or third time, i just told the emergency room doctors that i didn't wanna call anyone because no one cared- one of the times, the doctors put me on caplyta- so my LACK of care and total control from my damn family are causing me to require anti-depressants! my family is making me require to be drugged up on happy pills! this is the kinda shit i gotta put up with). i could be dead. she's probably disappointed that i'm not because other people expect her to care about something that she only cares about when it makes her look good to other people and/or when it's beneficial to her. the guy from sabathani suggested i file a complaint with the attorney general of this state about the apartment evicting me for my reactions to the SMOKING in a "NON-SMOKING APARTMENT". i told him that i'd get back to him after i spoke with my cousin joe (since he's the ONLY relative who cares about my mental health and well-being).

another day at work

so after hearing cnn and the reports of how ice killed a lady in minneapolis today, i got my certificate of citizenship and passport in the mail.. so HOPEFULLY ice doesn't beat the shit outta me for not being a certified citizen (considering ALL i had to guarantee my citizenship before was a mexican birth certificate that my aunt patty managed to grab after my uncle threw it and some other papers at her when he was having a pissy fit.. my joint citizenship papers were more than likely in the papers she didn't manage to scrounge up). so fredrick took me to get my citizenship verified a couple months ago and LUCKILY the certificate of citizenship and my passport came today and JUST in time for me to go to work at sabathani in minneapolis tomorrow. the backround of the reporters looked familiar and i'm pretty sure i go past there sometimes when i go to work because i remember visiting the george floyd statue a while ago and she was killed a few blocks from where he was killed. oh well. i'll just do my job normally tomorrow and go with the flow even though i have a feeling there MAY be some sort of memorial put on by sabathani since ilhan omar has an office at sabathani and i seen her condemning this killing. there's a picture of ilhan omar across from the door of the office i work in at sabathani. i'm almost positive the murdered lady will be honored tomorrow though which i have absolutely no objections to. ice is like a toddler with a damn gun. they think they can shoot anyone and most of them probably aren't even licensed gun holders.

CIUDADANA!

GOOD NEWS! i got my passport and certificate of naturalization in the mail today. so when i take my trip to mexico- they can't make me stay there legally. my grandma used to naively say, "OH! YOU'LL BE FINE! YOU'RE A DUAL CITIZEN!" when i used to ask her what would happen if grump became president again (before he was elected for a second term) and tried to deport me. considering that fat incompetent heifer was preaching about how dual citizens would be deported too- i'm hopefully safe from that. chances are i'd just attempt to make the best of a situation IF i did get deported because that's what i've been forced to do all my life. now i gotta see if ics and/or amy will assist me in buying plane tickets and making hotel reservations and the such.. i don't know how far ahead i should do it because i wanted to make a trip to chihuahua, mexico where i was born on my 40th birthday. HOPEFULLY i'll be able to do that in time. sorry to disappoint certain racist ass family members (not necessarily MY racist ass family members either).

*GASP* you can't keep me down for your convenience and benefit?!

to expand on my last post- the nurse who fills my anodyne machine came today to refill my medications in it for the week. she said to me while i was playing some game on my cell phone to just keep me occupied, "you're always doing something! i was thinking about you the other day and i remember when you were just in an electric wheelchair! NOW YOU'RE HERE.. JUST WALKING AROUND! IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SO STUBBORN AND YOU DON'T LET PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!" then i responded with a little laugh, "heh.. yeah- i can still remember when i went to dr. schuh in his office and asked him to write out a prescription for me to do physical therapy at the courage center and he tried to explain to me that some people just have to spend the rest of their lives in wheelchairs.." i honestly don't remember anything else he said after that because i don't pay attention to people who are negative nancies trying to discourage me from doing something i KNOW i have the ability and capability to do JUST so they can make money off me. i can't tell you how many times i've heard "STACY, A HARD HEAD MAKES A SOFT ASS." in the past. as long as i have the ability to move my arms and legs.. I'M GONNA DO IT TO MY GREATEST ABILITY. GO TRY TO MAKE SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CAPABLE OF WHAT TO DO. i have too much life left for people to take advantage of my situation just because THEY could NEVER do half the shit i've done to help myself get where i am today- NO. THEY ALL ASSUME I'M TOO HANDICAP TO DO ANYTHING AND THEY'D APPEAR MORE CARING AND SUPPORTIVE IF THEY UNDERESTIMATED ME AND TRIED TO HAVE ME CONTINUE TO GET A SAD EXCUSE OF A "REHABILITATION INSTITUTE" BUSINESS- EVEN IF I HAVE MORE CAPABILITY AND ABILITY TO DO THE SHIT THEY'RE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME "HELPS" ME OVER AND OVER- SO THEY CAN CONTINUE APPEAR "HELPING". i advise anyone who is disabled who really wants to help theirselves and progress in life NOT to even waste their time at courage kenny. they help you continue to be handicap and attempt to keep you satisfied with it (i say "attempt" because it obviously DIDN'T work with me). EVEN my past psychologist said that a bunch of his clients told him the SAME thing i did. if you wanna see someone go to fuckin courage kenny- YOU go there. what's that? you're not in the condition to go there? I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. CAN IT. just put yourself in MY shoes. i know empathy is difficult for unintelligent people. that's another reason why i'm STILL a resident of this state over 10 years when my grandma used to CLAIM that "amanda will get you to new york!". lack of advocacy.. and care.

i got THREE words for you!

my job coach came today and i was applying to some jobs while she was here. the hospitality field has been interesting me lately. i have customer service experience and my experience in technology and computers just looks more appealing to employers. my interest in technology may actually come in handy because i think in the past two or three interviews, the person interviewing me has went out of their way to recognize my experience with computers. my job coach was particularly impressed after today's meeting because she said that i've applied to 15 jobs since she seen me last. i told her that it was worth a try to apply to these jobs, i don't really have anything to lose by trying to enhance my job resume by getting more experience. it's not to the point where i can egotistically look down on another person for working a specific job- like i've seen certain relatives of mine do in the past to other people. it's not like any of you are CEO's for fortune five hundred companies. you never know what's going to happen and you shouldn't get cocky just because you happen to be employed. there's a good chance that it's easier for a particular person to get hired for the job you're working (ESPECIALLY in the small town/small minded areas) or the employer may have just been desperate for help at the time and you were in the right place at the right time. it takes more than a big mouth, cocky attitude, and big tits to work jobs which ACTUALLY requires brain cells and pays DECENTLY. in case you can't tell- i've heard my share of insults and nasty remarks in the past about my employment. i don't really understand WHY people seem to be so concerned about if and when i'm working if they're not looking to help me. mind your business and worry about yourselves and why you don't have ANYTHING better to do besides insult a person ACTUALLY TRYING to make something of themselves. the facts are- i'm DISABLED and it's more difficult for people who are disabled to get jobs. worry about yourdamnselves. i almost died 23 and about 5 months ago, i was comatose for 7 months, HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE YOU KNOW CAN SAY THE SAME EXACT THING WHO ARE NOT IN NURSING HOMES OR DEAD? right. shut up. you're not gonna get anything rewarding outta insulting or criticizing me for working and attempting to keep my resume fresh. worry about YOURSELF.

evolving.

on the radio today, the positive note of the day was charlamagne basically reminding everyone that God didn't put some people on this earth to evolve. i'm positive that my mom is one of those people but she shouldn't attempt to cling to people ACTUALLY TRYING to do something with their lives just because they don't have anything better to do and misery loves company.
on friday during ics we emailed the apartment that i toured in boston to request they resend the application to me, since i messed up on the other one because i did it improperly because i assumed ics would say they were too busy to assist me in filling it out, so i just did it myself and i guess i forgot some things and improperly filled it out. so we checked my email today to see if they replied and they haven't yet. i'm thinking that this application also required a doctor's note specifying my disability and how this housing would assist me but i sent it in before i could get one because i think it'd take time for a doctor to get back to me with a doctor's note and the lady stressed that i needed to get it by last friday (i think), so i turned everything else that i could fill out myself- hoping they'd take it, but of course- they didn't. i was hoping to get this apartment because it's one of the only subsidized apartments in boston that i could find for disabled people in particular. plus- i ACTUALLY got to see the apartment myself and it looked like a decent place.
i have to eat lunch, then go to sabathani to work. it'll help keep my mind off of shit. so working actually assists me in my mental health.. which is MORE than i can say for just attending courage kenny mindlessly and being underestimated and purposely ignoring my progress so they can continue getting mindless clients. it doesn't matter as long as i don't have advocacy to actually help me get things done though! let them take advantage of vulnerable clients! NO ONE LISTENS TO THEM ANYWAY!

correct choice in judgment?

this morning, at about 4 or 5, i heard things falling (crashing) and hitting the wall/floor, in the apartment next to my bedroom. i wasn't able to sleep because of this noise with an additional people yelling at each other (i'm pretty sure the guy was yelling and swearing and some woman was crying), so i decided to call the staff phone and see if they could check it out. well, joe answered the phone and he's the only one who usually even comes over to this apartment himself to address concerns and i called him back because i said i still heard it, he told me that he drove over to this apartment and checked what was going on- he said it wasn't between any of the clients in the living program that i'm in and i'd have to call the police if i wanted it to be taken care of. so, i called the cops and eventually i got up because my phone alarm went off to wake me up (i was already up) to go to my ARP therapy appointment. i got dressed and started to get something for breakfast when the cops called me and wanted to be let in the apartment building. so i walked to the door to let them in, i made sure that i pointed out the CORRECT apartment the noise was coming from because i wasn't sure they got the correct location from the 911 operator because i wasn't sure i specified correctly because i was in bed. i'm not sure how the police dealt with the situation because i went back into my apartment and continued to get ready for the appointment and i made something for breakfast. i don't hear anybody in that particular apartment now, i usually can hear the guy taking a piss when i'm in the bathroom and i don't hear that. then my psychologist came and had our session with me. i feel better being able to vent to someone once a week about what's going on with me since no one else seems to care. i told her about my frustration with douglas getting a job almost immediately after he first told me he had an interview but i still was happy for him that he got the job, she reassured me by telling me that it's probably because that particular job he interviewed for was more necessary and in demand compared to the jobs i interview for and i'm not sure if she said not as many people interviewed for those jobs? i expressed my frustration thinking that one of the reasons why they didn't hire me was because i'm disabled and i need to be doing something constructive to keep my mind from getting depressed while i think about different shit going on with my life. she suggested that i journal, which is basically what i do now but she suggested doing it with a pen and paper so it was more private because i've told her MANY times how my mom and sister seem to stalk me reading EVERYTHING i do on my blog. it's ok. one day you'll get lives of your own so you won't have to worry about what someone who ACTUALLY TRIES to make a living for themselves does! maybe one day when you drop the negativity and realize that *GASP* NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU BUT YOURSELVES! you stop yourselves from TRULY living with your negativity and trying to drag people down with you. you're NOT gonna get yourselves anywhere doing that shit.. plus, using vulnerable children as shields while life kicks your ass isn't gonna happen anymore! and it will NOT be condoned by ME.
it's kinda odd that my neighbors were yelling at each other and fighting with each other, i tried to remember if there was another time they did this and i honestly don't remember. it feels like in the previous apartment that i used to live in on marshall, they also were fighting like this to the point i needed to call the cops a few times. then the brief thought if maybe i was hallucinating because of pills but i don't take any medication at night except for my calcium supplements and i seriously doubt they'd make me hear things. so HOPEFULLY i made the correct judgment by choosing to call the cops.

how do you *THINK* i got *HERE*?!

alright.. i was watching the vikings/packers game and reality hit me (this realization probably came to me before)- IF i had known that studying, being in sports when i was in school, and just attending college wouldn't have got me living where I TRULY want to live (NOT JUST WHAT'S MORE CONVENIENT TO SOME UNACCOMPLISHED BUMS WHO HAVE NEVER CARED OR PAID ATTENTION TO ME IF IT WASN'T BENEFICIAL OR CONVENIENT TO THEM). i would've done drugs and smoke cigarettes and other drugs, along with drinking a lot. I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE FUCK AMANDA AND/OR MY OTHER CARE TEAM MEMBERS THINK I DID TO GET AS FAR AS I AM NOW. she completely IGNORES the fact that i went to courage kenny for at least 5 years in the past ALONG with arp therapy from tram (who was never just concerned about LIABILITY so he ACTUALLY helped me UNLIKE THAT SAD EXCUSE OF A REHAB FACILITY- COURAGE KENNY). does she just think i woke up one day and was magically ambulatory and able to manage living by MYSELF just so i could appease my mom who hasn't accomplished a THING in her life- other than have children? so i'm automatically permanently disabled just because my mom acts like she can't read or work? THANKS A LOT MOM! people are probably saying, "she shouldn't blame her mom for her stupid decisions which lead her where she is now." no.. but CERTAIN PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSEDLY SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTING ME ACT NEGLIGENT TO ME AND THAT'S MORE THAN LIKELY ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I'M NOT WHERE I CAN BE TRULY HAPPY AND CONSTRUCTIVE IN LIFE- "OH! HER MOM JUST DEPENDS ON SOCIAL SECURITY AND IT WORKED FOR HER! SO IT'LL WORK FINE FOR STACY! I DON'T SEE WHAT SHE'S COMPLAINING ABOUT- SHE'S BEING PAID NOT TO WORK! WHAT AN IDIOT!" my mom had my GRANDPARENTS as her payees and guardians. they ALWAYS gave her money WHENEVER she asked. i didn't really understand why when i was younger. not until i had to have payees and guardians myself- although i was honored enough to have negligent payees/guardians who just "support" me whenever it's convenient and beneficial to THEM. it doesn't matter if this is MY life. i come from a mom who depends on social security! NONE of my goals matter anymore! just laugh and talk about stacy because she's so crazy and stupid for NOT wanting to live here with people who support her when and if it's convenient for THEM and/or beneficial to THEM with my cousin dustin, right amanda?! STACY IS SO STUPID THAT SHE THINKS SHE CAN ACTUALLY LIVE IN ANOTHER STATE! RIGHT AMANDA?! i think i get on the verge of crying/get teary at least ONCE every day thinking about how i'm more than likely wasting my time and NO ONE cares enough about me to HELP me the way I NEED to be helped in order to accomplish MY goals- NOT JUST WHAT MAKES AMANDA LOOK "CARING" AND/OR "SUPPORTIVE" BECAUSE I'VE NEVER FELT ANY OF THOSE EMOTIONS COMING FROM HER EVER AND I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME MY MOM ACTUALLY SHOWED ANY AMOUNT OF CARE FOR WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE. I'M TOO STUPID TO HAVE THOUGHTS FOR MYSELF! JUST WHATEVER'S CONVENIENT FOR AMANDA AND/OR MY MOM SO I MAKE THEM APPEAR "LOVING" AND "CARING" TO EVERYONE ELSE WHEN I BY NO MEANS FEEL ANY OF THOSE THINGS FROM THEM. DOESN'T MATTER THOUGH! I'M NOT ALLOWED TO THINK AND HAVE GOALS OF MY OWN! I'M TOO STUPID, RIGHT AMANDA?! here's something else for you to laugh about with dustin, your mom, your husband, and all those people at the salon you work at that you tell about me. seriously. i don't know how much more of this shit i'll be able to take. the only thing that motivates me against killing myself is the fact that i KNOW my mom would be crying like she actually fuckin cared about me after i killed myself- so she'd be a victim and receive attention and sympathy from everyone. this is what your "YOU GOT THIS!" methods got me. my grandma really should've got a person with EMPATHY to help me instead of amanda. at least empathetic people have intelligence not to assume shit for their own damn convenience.
then we have those helpful ass ics workers who just act like they can't help me because i got kicked out of the previous apartment in burnsville- completely IGNORING MY SIDE OF THE STORY+erasing ANY effort to effectively do their jobs PROPERLY because i'm too stupid to have my own thoughts (right amanda?)! how'd i get accepted to the apartment that i lived in before this one, einsteins? stop trying to convince me no one will accept me to live at their apartments because of some mistake made caused by the smoking of OTHER PEOPLE in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. i'm positive that is NOT how my case manager wanted them to assist me with housing.. but as long as they continue ACTING like they're actually helping.. IT WON'T MATTER WHAT I WANT! I'M STUPID AND I'LL CHANGE MY MIND EVEN THOUGH I'VE HAD THIS FUCKING GOAL OF LIVING THERE SINCE I WAS AT LEAST FIFTEEN! BUT STACY IS STUPID! LOOK WHO HER MOM IS! RIGHT AMANDA?! GOTTA LAUGH ABOUT THIS WITH DUSTIN!

tired.

shit.. i'm so damn tired. my stupid cpap machine has been blowing the air all choppy (it even makes noises) and the tube is straight on it. i thought i told fredrick about it today and yesterday and he said he couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. i just lay in bed, wide awake for hours on end and i'm not able to fall asleep. i tried turning the tv on with the volume low, so the noise would put me to sleep. it wasn't working and i tried getting up to go to the bathroom at least 5 times and i still wasn't able to fall asleep. to top it off- i haven't had any concerta in at least a week and i asked the lady at the pharmacist desk when the concerta was supposed to be coming for me and she acted like she was looking on her computer and said to me in a confused voice, "there's nothing here by that name. maybe we don't carry it?" i've got my concerta from cub pharmacy ever since i can remember- everytime i moved, it'd just switch locations and the nurse never told me that the concerta wasn't going to be there. i don't remember if the nurse said anything about needing to get a new prescription for it from my doctor- but that's the only problem i can think of which would cause this. i need to see if i can find my nurse's number or just try to deal with walking around like the walking dead until my nurse comes to my apartment to fill my anodyne machine next- i think maybe wednesday? maybe sooner.. hopefully. it's so great getting apnea from your grandma and having no one else who is living care about whether you're healthy- which is why i'm basically being forced to remain in this state because amanda thinks that i won't have people who care about me when or if i move to another state to support me- WTF IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THERE AND NOW?! AT LEAST I'D BE LIVING IN A PLACE WITH RESOURCES AND NOT THE DAMN STICKS WHERE YOU GOTTA PULL TEETH IF AND WHEN YOU WANT SUPPORT. i know most people are like, "well that's part of growing up" well- part of growing up is also having resources and access to resources for your well-being when you already have a damn traumatic brain injury. i realized that most, if not ALL my blog posts are complaining about my family. maybe if i actually had supportive and caring sources of "support" i wouldn't be complaining all the time. YOU THINK? if i was in an environment where i didn't get stalked by jealous, negative, negligent people.. i'd actually be too happy to have anything to complain about..?! a person who enjoys making themselves appear victimized could never understand that, along with supposed "caring" relatives who just condone this because they don't know what else to do and assume everyone is content with this- so why change it?! I'M NOT CONTENT WITH ANY OF THIS SHIT AND I'LL NEVER BE. you're a complete moron if you can't tell how tired i am just from the tone of this blog post. i told the overnight ics worker that my cpap wasn't working the other night and he just said, "i'm with another person right now. can't you have the daytime ics look at it?" and i said, "that won't help me now. forget it." then i hung up. people refuse to even look at my cpap. fredrick looked at it and said he couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. at least he looked at it- EVERYONE ELSE COMES UP WITH EXCUSES.

it just never ends for me.

i wonder WHY my mom seems to take an interest in my life to the point she stalks me. she NEVER cared about me or my safety all those nights she used to leave me at her place while she went to the bar and i was wheelchair dependant. what? is she afraid someone else will make me require surgeries? is SHE the ONLY one allowed to neglect me so i get injured instead of HER? does she think SHE is the ONLY one allowed to put me in danger so i eventually get injured and have to have surgeries later in life? mind your business. or it could be my overweight sister who is anxious to relate to me and have things in common with me (other than dna- if i could, i'd switch that in a second)? i refuse to let either of you bums drag me down to your level and cling to me. zen assisted me in replying to this email that the lady from the apartment in boston sent me this morning. i filled out my application improperly and we had to ask for a new application. zen said to me (he's said this before to me), "when a landlord has rules. you can't just not follow them." MAKING ME to be the villain in this situation when I WAS NOT THE ONE SMOKING CIGARETTES IN A NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. i sent in MULTIPLE complaints to management about the fuckin smoking. THEY DIDN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT EXCEPT SEND OUT NEWSLETTERS TO ALL THE TENANTS OF THE APARTMENT JUST REMINDING THEM THAT THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SMOKE IN THE APARTMENT. i thought an ics worker was supposed to defend their clients when something bad happened? not just assume they were in the wrong without hearing their side of the story and the FACTS before taking sides in conflicts. how the fuck would he like to be in an environment that he can't breathe in because of the cigarette smoke when he's gone through at LEAST TWO surgeries on his palate to assist with preventing smoke and dust from getting to his lungs so he's able to breathe better but being forced to put up with living in an environment where he CAN'T breathe? my cousin joe even came to my apartment when i lived in burnsville a few times and he told me how he had to wash his clothes because they WREAKED like SMOKE when he left my apartment. THAT is how bad it was. the stupid caretaker took care of the smoking problems JUST whenever it was CONVENIENT for HIM. my cousin joe had phone numbers to call to help me since they told me i couldn't live there when it was a NON-SMOKING apartment and I got in trouble for MY reactions to the cigarette smoke. i didn't really think it was much of a concern because i was told that it wouldn't be on my renting record because i was not the one breaking the non-smoking rules in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. it's almost like zen is trying to take advantage of this situation- so he doesn't have to assist me in moving to an apartment I ACTUALLY want to live in and not just because it's the only place that'll decide to house me. i'm screwed when and if this ics program leaves this apartment because no one else will rent to me because of the shit that happened in burnsville. DOESN'T CONCERN ANYONE THOUGH! they only "care" enough to gawk at what i do/say so they have something to talk about because they don't have anything better to do! i wish i could be as unaccomplished and NOSEY as them! *rolls eyes*