Trip to Boston

so i've spent like 2 days do far in boston. brittany and i went to salem to look at the exhibits about witches and we checked out the apartment that i told brittany i wanted to look at today- which i HAVE already applied to. we went shopping at salem and boston. i made the observation that boston was a lot like new york city, but much cleaner. i can see myself living here. when we were out and about yesterday, someone we were talking to in boston were saying how cold it was and then brittany said to them,"yeah it's cold here." then they asked her where we were from and brittany said,"minnesota." then the person said," OH! so then i bet you're used to this!" then brittany laughed and said, "pretty much." so it won't be much of a climate change for me.

still getting prepared.

the travel pca called me this morning and said she'll be at my place to pick me up for the airport at 4:40 am tomorrow. fredrick told me he'd be at my place tomorrow morning at 4 to help me get ready- take a shower and get packed up. i always forget something so i'm trying to remember everything- at least i have the travel pca to assist me in remembering everything. i'm going to a halloween party that this ics program i'm in is having today at 1. i was gonna eat, then i remembered that hopefully they have food there. i also called the lady in charge of my job and had to leave her a message about not planning to be at work tomorrow. i even went to her office yesterday at work, but she wasn't there to tell her i wasn't gonna be at work on thursday since i have a plane ride at like 5 am on thursday, so i just left her a voicemail.
i'm wondering if the people who are supposed to help me with my health care aren't purposely neglecting to make sure i'm as healthy as i can be. i'm still thinking about having to take meds specifically for arthritis because my arms and joints feel stiff as hell and like they'll just snap the second i fall. i AM on calcium supplements morning AND evening- but i want to be as cautious as possible and it doesn't seem like the calcium supplements assist me with this damn joint pain. i think i look like a person in their 30's but i feel like i'm 70. i've felt that way ever since i can remember and i DO HONESTLY remember feeling this way back when i was going to the courage-LESS center.. so don't try to attempt to say it's because i'm not active or wtf else you'll pull outta your ass. i'm thinking they may be hoping i take risks and i get myself hurt, so they can shove me in a nursing home in minnesota and get sympathy from people ACTING like they actually gave a damn about me but i know they only gave a damn AT THEIR OWN CONVENIENCE. amanda doesn't understand how it feels to have negligent, SELFISH parents who never should've had children if they weren't responsible enough for it and a family who only assists you at their own CONVENIENCE when a person has a TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY. she doesn't CARE to either- JUST LET HEALTH PROFESSIONALS TAKE CARE OF IT, SO I CAN CONTINUE TO BRAG ABOUT HOW MINNESOTA HAS THE "BEST HEALTHCARE" SO I DON'T HAVE TO ASSIST HER WITH HER REAL GOALS BECAUSE NO ONE LISTENS TO DISABLED PEOPLE ANYWAY! *CLAPS*

the sense to *KNOW* what i need to do and to *ACTUALLY* do it.

i woke up this morning at 6:55 for a physical therapy appointment. i couldn't fall asleep last night- i had my cpap on and everything.. i didn't have my tv on or my internet on at all. douglas messaged me at about 12:30 and i was too busy trying to sleep, so i didn't answer, then he did an online call (i can't think of the exact word for it now) at like 12:40 am saying he just got off work and wanted to see if i wanted to hang out. i had to wake up at 6:55 the next day (today) and i told him that- i'm sorta guessing that he may have been hungry and was gonna come over to my place to eat because i let him eat whatever he wants outta my fridge- i don't exactly think he has enough time or i'm not sure to buy food for himself to eat. he's a really skinny guy but i think he's gotta lift boxes at work and so he's got muscles while really thin. i don't even think the fuckin cpap helped me fall asleep- i gave up on it at 2 i think. i might've fell asleep for a minute or two a few times but that shit still didn't help me fall asleep at a decent time. i'll just have to force myself to stay awake (as usual) by HOPEFULLY getting the tv to work in the lobby. it hasn't been working the past few times though because of something with the cable connections. HOPEFULLY i took concerta today and that would assist me in staying awake.. i don't remember if it was in my pill cup today though.
after i got back from physical therapy today, i was walking into the apartment and some girl who always sits outside and smokes said to me, "STACY! GUESS WHAT WE GOT UPSTAIRS?!" and i just said, "i dunno." then she said, "A HOMELESS PERSON! EW!" and i said, "pfft. so?" then she said, "HE'S ALL BIG AND GROSS! IT'S DISGUSTING! HE ALWAYS ASKS ME FOR FOOD AND SMOKES!" then i said, "he's gotta have somewhere to go to too." then she said, "I KNOW! BUT HE'S DISGUSTING!" and then i just walked into the apartment, i suppose it may annoy me more if he was on MY floor but i seriously doubt it- i understand that ANYONE can be homeless at any time and i'm always willing to help them however i can.
the good news is that i'm pretty sure the stretches/exercises the physical therapist gave me are assisting me because my arms aren't in pain anymore really. i do some of the exercises every day but it's kinda inconvenient to do the ones requiring the arm band- so i don't always do them but i remembered stretches for my arms even before i just started physical therapy recently that i always do. i also lift a small 5 lb. dumbbell every day just to keep my strength up- so i'm also not sure if that helped or made a difference either.- i decided to take iniative to do that MYSELF.. i seem to have this third sense for knowing what i need to do to help myself. *GASP* the courage-LESS center DIDN'T help me do that and didn't inspire me or wtf bullshit amanda would try to come up with. i know what i gotta do to help myself. the traumatic brain injury DIDN'T affect my COMMON SENSE or intelligence, genius. stephen hawking was in a wheelchair and he was one of the most intelligent people before he died. *GASP* a wheelchair doesn't make you stupid? NO, SMART ASS. SINCE YOU THINK YOU'RE SO DAMN SMART- YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE FOR A PERSON TO BE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THEY NEED ASSISTANCE TO DO CERTAIN THINGS SAFELY WITHOUT THEM BEING "STUPID" OR "UNINTELLIGENT"?! not to amanda and the rest of my family (except joe) who's desperate to find anything bad about me and take advantage of it. which is exactly the type of support i feel i receive from my family (except joe). so that eliminates the reason of "family support" to stay in this state. i'm almost positive joe would come visit me at my apartment on the east coast (whereever i DO end up).

getting prepared.

the travel pca who is going with me to boston called me after supper today, she asked me if i was all set to go to boston. i'm pretty sure i'm packed and i said that i had the permission forms to go to boston filled out. then she said, "OH! IS IT OK IF I SWING BY YOUR PLACE IN ABOUT 30 MINUTES AND PICK THEM UP?!" then i said, "yeah." so fredrick walked with me for 15 minutes up and down the hall and about 12 minutes into the walk, she called me and told me she was at my place. she came in my apartment and we set everything up and got prepared to go. so when she comes here on thursday, all we really need to do is grab my suitcase and carry-on bag. it'll be cool to see a new place i've never been before- although she did remind me that in one of our lay-overs last new york trip- we briefly were in boston's airport for a few hours if that counts for being in boston before. i hope that i don't forget anything like usual. i have physical therapy tomorrow and my pick-up is at 8:10 am and i gotta get up at like 7 to make the ride. i should be alright- i feel like i've had to get up for therapy this early before, then at like 2 or 3 i gotta go to work at sebathani. so at least i have future plans and something to do.

still looking for jobs but i may have another option which COULD help me get employed..

i had a virtual meeting with my job coach's supervisor and my job coach came to my place, so we all sat in the meeting. i'm thinking that her supervisor probably senses my frustration with not being employed yet because he brought up how at the next time i have an interview, to ask the employer i'm interviewing for a job with if i can show them how i can work the job- like a test period of working because the company my job coach works for- will pay for that. knowing my luck, i probably won't find another job who actually wants to interview me to ask them if i can just do a temp./test try-out of the job.
after i had the meeting with my job coach and her supervisor, my psychologist came and spoke with me about how things are going for me. i was telling her how i like working because it takes my mind off shit and has me think other thoughts besides negative thoughts. i'm not the kind of person to bring my frustrations to jobs, so it takes my mind off of things that bother or upset me. when i'm working, i concentrate on whatever i'm working on- i mentally block EVERYTHING else out. that's probably why i feel like i've been in a better mood lately- i work on different things NOT INCLUDING THE SAME DAMN EASY UNHELPFUL MACHINE THAT MY LIVING ROOM WALL COULD OPERATE LIKE AT THE COURAGE-LESS CENTER. YOU GO ON THOSE FUCKING MACHINES EVERY DAY IF YOU WANNA SEE SOMEONE GO ON THEM SO DAMN BAD. i hope this new idea that the job coach's supervisor ACTUALLY helps me get a job now.. UNLIKE the "customized employment" idea. i don't know what happened to that idea. i actually really was excited to get working an ACTUAL job- customized or not. i'm sure it didn't help that my job coach wasn't a fan of the idea. it was her supervisor who brought it up. just like this test job idea.. it better ACTUALLY go somewhere or i'm gonna express my frustration to my case manager and request a new employment company.
not working and not keeping me doing something TRULY constructive just depresses the fuck outta me and when i'm depressed.. i act weird. so i'm trying to avoid that. WE ALL AREN'T PRIVLEGED ENOUGH TO JUST JUMP FROM JOB TO JOB. THERE ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE SOMETHING OR SOMEONE KEEPING ME FROM GETTING EMPLOYED AGAIN. it pisses me off but not enough to be a nosey ass bum who talks to their dogs. (probably because i don't even have a dog anymore but also because I MIND MY FUCKING BUSINESS). my psychologist tried giving me an idea of what to do when i'm bored and look at different podcasts, since i told her i read when i'm bored and she recognized how mel robbins has podcasts- since i have a few of her books.

hopefully he'll help me get FURTHER than my current situation.

oh yeah! i just remembered the supervisor of my job coach is having a meeting with me tomorrow. i had emailed him a few weeks ago about my job coach not putting all of my RECENT work experience of the resumes she gave me and i'm assuming she used those same resumes for indeed. i had a job interview at vision works (or some other eye place) a few weeks ago and i just seen that they messaged me after the interview and i think they wanted an updated resume (so i'm thinking they assumed it was old because it says i haven't worked since like 2016 and i HAVE volunteered and now i'm a receptionist at sebathani community center). hopefully he actually helps me so that i get an actual job. this is more than likely another case of people lacking empathy assuming that i'm satisfied just volunteering 2 days and for a few hours at the community center. like it's better than nothing or better than how my situation used to be- so i should be satisfied. satisfied.. for YOUR convenience? people should learn how to put themselves in another person's shoes.

same ol complaints.

i'm watching the giants/eagles game right now since the vikings don't play until next sunday. this thought of WHY EXACTLY certain members of my family seem to be so damn unsupportive of me moving outta state when I'VE HAD INTENTIONS TO MOVE OUT OF STATE FOR NEARLY 25 DAMN YEARS. IF you actually CARED about me as much as you insinuate you do- YOU'D FUCKIN KNOW THAT. MY ACT SCORES WERE SENT TO COLLEGES IN NEW YORK WHEN I WAS 15 YOU UNSUPPORTIVE PRICKS. the unsupportive pricks are my cousins, mom, and sister who don't wanna see someone who ISN'T them actually getting out of this damn state and making something of themselves. the morons don't even talk or interact with me if i don't make an effort first and if you're amanda and i'm sure a lot of my other cousins (except joe), you ONLY talk/interact with me when it's CONVENIENT or BENEFICIAL for YOU. point is- if i wanna go somewhere- I'M GONNA DO IT. my grandparents knew that and that's why my grandma put her confidence in amanda to help me because she assumed i'd do it in a risky manner again which NEARLY ended up in me dying. AMANDA SAYS, "YOU GOT THIS!" alright! I GOT THIS. you may regret saying that shit to me without making an effort to help me because you don't have the same goals and it'd take too much of your precious time helping me- FORGET HIRING SOMEONE TO ENSURE I'M SAFE WHEN I MOVE! I GOT THIS! IF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS TO ME IN THE PROCESS- IT'S ON YOU. you should've helped me or found someone to help me. my grandma had confidence in me to make the correct decisions on my life- which is why she never put me in a damn group home and made sure I was my own guardian. NOT my mom. NOT amanda. ME. SO THEREFORE DICKS- I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT LIVING FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE- so you can just support me whenever it's convenient for you or whenever it makes you look good. LEMME TELL YOU THIS AMANDA- YOU DID NOT LOOK "GOOD" OR "CARING" WHEN YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN I CALLED YOU AND YOUR MOM THE TIMES I WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. MAYBE NEXT TIME! (i doubt it) people might be saying, "why doesn't she call her OWN mom?!" because my mom is not emotionally mature to deal with medical emergencies. "HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT?!" i TRIED to call her when i went to the emergency room when i lived in burnsville- she started bawling. i was obviously in good enough shape to call her MYSELF but she somehow thinks it makes sense to act like the world is ending (when i don't even remember the last time i spoke to her). she's obviously doing that SHIT for attention and/or because she's just not emotionally mature to deal with having a son or daughter. i wouldn't have had to bring up any of this shit if amanda would've just made sure i moved SAFELY and INDEPENDENTLY to the east coast but I GOT THIS! pfft. *rolls eyes* stop trying to make it look like you're helping me by NOT helping me when I am a VULNERABLE ADULT with a tbi. i'm speaking to my psychologist tomorrow and she actually understands where i'm coming from UNLIKE amanda's smart ass. man.. fuck the eagles.. i'm turning this shit off. my family (except joe) need to learn how to mind their fucking business and stop trying to make it seem like they actually "care" for me because they NEVER speak to me unless it's beneficial to them. i'm thinking that they think i'm gonna take them to another concert or do something with me- jokes on them. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PLANS TO INTERACT WITH ANY OF THEIR IGNORANT AND EGOTISTICAL ASSES. TRY REMOVING YOUR FUCKIN HEADS FROM YOUR ASSES AND LEARN EMPATHY. that may be difficult.. well, i KNOW it's gonna be difficult for you guys since being empathetic requires INTELLIGENCE which you obviously lack because you assume you're being "caring" by NOT helping me to move somewhere i can be truly HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL (NOT depending on government assistance and relying on SSI).

consequences for lack of support

i just ate some yogurt for lunch and now i'm waiting for the ICS worker to get here- so they can help me figure out how to get this form that the travel pca sent me a few days ago, which i need to be SIGNED and sent back to her. considering my trailor trash cousin's boyfriend seems to think he's smart for making sure i CAN'T access hotmail on my desktop because he's pissed that i asked him what he's gonna do now that my grandma is dead, so her house/land was sold, so now he can't steal car parts off the cars that were parked on her land and pawn them off- so somehow it makes sense to get my hotmail all messed up.
well, it's about an hour later and the ics worker just helped me get my forms printed and filled out. we didn't even really need my hotmail account- so joke's on that dick. i'm not really sure what to expect on my trip and i'm trying to keep an open mind, considering this is the first time i've been there. i hope it's not a waste of time but it's not like i have anything better to do OR anywhere better for that matter. i'm not even gonna think of ANYONE or ANYTHING back home. it's really not worth it because i don't have any exciting plans or anything to look forward to in minnesota. if anyone really cared about me- they'd be helping me so that i'm REALLY happy doing NEW things (so not just going to some hopeless, unencouraging excuse of a "rehabilitation center" like a MINDLESS, DISABLED FOOL who people assume they can take advantage of because of her brain injury- so they assume i'm an idiot and just DISCOURAGE ANY PROGRESS I MAKE). can't expect my family (except joe) to understand or help me. hopefully this trip helps me. mentally and hopefully so i can actually move physically to somewhere where i don't feel like surveillance is on me and somewhere i can actually be constructive. may have to go to mexico or canada for that.. i'm open to ANYWHERE because this is MY LIFE. when i got into the car accident- sometimes i think my grandma should've just listened to the crocs in buffalo, ny's hospital and unplugged the life support because people seem to have so much of a damn problem with how i choose to live my fuckin life. "YOU GOT THIS!" do i though? with jackasses intentionally refusing to assist me to move safely just because they're not interested in that way of living and it would really put them at an inconvenience to bother assisting another person who is NOT them. i'm NOT gonna give up EVERYTHING i've worked my ass off just to settle for what's more fucking CONVENIENT for people who only show support or "care" for me at their own CONVENIENCE. that's obviously too fuckin hard for my mom and amanda to understand. I LIVED THROUGH A FUCKING COMA THAT I LAID IN FOR 7 MONTHS AND I DIDN'T BUST MY ASS OFF IN REHABILITATION SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEPEND ON A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR AND SO THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO REMAIN DOING THAT UNHELPFUL SHIT IN PHYSICAL THERAPY EVERY FUCKING DAY TO MAKE SOME UNHELPFUL EXCUSE OF A "REHABILITATION" CENTER LOOK LIKE THEY ACTUALLY FUCKIN HELP. I GOT MY MOBILITY FROM ARP THERAPY WHEN TRAM HOLLOWAY HOOKED ME UP TO HIS ARP MACHINE AND TURNED UP THE VOLTAGE. HE ACTUALLY BELIEVED IN ME. he told my grandma STRAIGHT OUT that he'd have me outta my wheelchair. that's a HUGE difference from the croc at gillette children's doctor dr. schuh trying to explain to me that i'd be a quadriplegic my whole life when i asked him to write a prescription for physical therapy at the courage center about 15 years or so ago. my grandma always used to tell me "where there's a will, there's a way." and i thought of that when he tried to discourage me, i thought to myself, "you ain't God." i don't even own a damn wheelchair anymore. i'm not going back to that shit. it hurts my ass. i know i'm wasting my time writing this shit because i've said it at least 20 times before and AMANDA DOESN'T CARE IF IT DOESN'T BENEFIT HER IN SOME WAY. i'm reading the 48 laws of power right now and i'm at the place where it talks about how people won't do anything for you if it doesn't put them in an advantage in some way. that's EXACTLY how my family (except joe) operates when dealing with me. yet amanda and my mom expect me to have the desire to WASTE my life HERE pretending i'm happy and satisfied with life. I DON'T HAVE KIDS OR A HUSBAND. I HAVEN'T FOUND ANYONE WORTH TAKING THOSE STEPS WITH YET. MY GRANDPARENTS DIDN'T STOP MY MOM FROM GOING TO MEXICO, MEETING MY DAD AND HAVING BABY STACY. they knew that she'd get there without their permission- she might as well do it SAFELY. WHAT THE FUCK MAKES OUR SITUATIONS ANY DIFFERENT? "you have a brain injury!" so does my mom.. from nuchal chord. i've experienced WAY more shit than she has- so therefore i'm WISE. all my family and anyone trying to stop me from moving by withholding resources are doing is just making me angry to the point i'm NEVER going to communicate/associate with ANY of you unsupportive pricks again. you weren't there for me when i needed help so it's gonna work both ways. you can spy on me however the fuck you want but it really doesn't make a difference to me since you're not communicating/associating with me anyway. you suck as a mom and family (except joe). "what if there's a medical emergency and you need to get ahold of your family?!" the past two times when i went to the emergency room- EVERY time i called amanda and her mom to let them know i got hurt- NO ANSWER. TALK ABOUT GREAT FAMILY "SUPPORT"! i could've been killed. DOESN'T CONCERN THEM. i didn't call my mom because i didn't feel like hearing an over dramatic hypochondriac attention whore.

try being empathetic FOR ONCE.

i went to spanish class and i was just thinking about who exactly is so interested in my blog posts.. i'm pretty much putting my money on my fat sister. she seems to think that we have this kewliez sistas relationship with each other. bitch- i haven't spoke to you in at least a few months- i don't even remember when. stop motivating mom to stalk me. i've never had a close relationship with EITHER of you and never really wanted one. you're just acting as weights on my progression in life. IF ANYONE from my close family would wanna speak to me- it'd be my brother because we both have the same calmness, "i don't know- whatever.." attitude (NONCHALANT) as each other AND we share the same interests/hobbies. i'm intelligent enough to realize that HE has HIS OWN life and the LAST thing he needs is for his big sister to annoy him when he OBVIOUSLY has HIS OWN life. it's not gonna help him AT ALL and i'm NOT gonna get anything outta it but probably a very irritated, pissed off brother. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHERE I AM COMING FROM? DO YOU TWO GET THE FUCKING HINT?! you two are too fucking stupid to realize that though. i shouldn't have to put up with this shit. go play board games or cards with each other when you get bored. do something CONSTRUCTIVE which doesn't involve me. don't think i'm just kidding about making both of your lives a living hell if MY goals don't work for me because my mom is too damn attached and i KNOW my sister reads my blog like it's the newspaper because she coincidentally calls me at times when i blog about something she thinks she can relate with. MOM- YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME WHEN YOU WENT TO THE BAR AND PLAYED POOL, LEAVING ME AT YOUR HOUSE WHEN I WAS IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR ALONE. STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING CARE AT YOUR OWN DAMN CONVENIENCE. stop acting like you care so amanda has more of a reason to act fucking neglectful and UNSUPPORTIVE. IF she reads this (like i'm sure my whole family does), she has knowledge of my mom's record of NEGLECT and she's just ENABLING it by refusing to help me move somewhere i can be TRULY constructive (i'm not talking about being a mindless rehabilitation tool for ridiculous excuses of "rehabilitation" institutes who prey on clients who are unadvocated for but still HIGHLY motivated). IF that's your idea of being truly constructive- YOU DO IT. quit your "profession" at the salon and go to the courage center and they can't do anything but stick you on that fucking nu-step machine EVERY fuckin day you go there. THEY TOTALLY IGNORE YOUR ATTEMPTS TO GET YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE AGAIN- INCLUDING THE FACT THAT YOU PAID OUTTA POCKET FOR BEHIND-THE-WHEEL LESSONS AFTER THE COURAGE CENTER FAILED YOU THREE TIMES AT THEIR DRIVING CLASS BUT THE INSTRUCTOR OF THE DRIVING LESSONS CLASS YOU PAID FOR SAID YOU WERE SAFE TO DRIVE AND GET A VEHICLE TO TAKE YOUR BEHIND-THE-WHEEL LICENSE TEST. BUT.. BUT.. I HAVE A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY SO THAT MEANS I'M TOO STUPID TO DRIVE, RIGHT AMANDA?! THAT'S ALL I AM TO YOU. IS A HANDICAPPED OVER CONFIDENT IDIOT WHO THINKS THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT. ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU AND DUSTIN LAUGHED ABOUT WHEN TALKING ABOUT ME? SINCE YOU BOTH KNOW SO FUCKING MUCH. ALL I'M GOOD FOR IS TAKING YOU DICKS TO A CONCERT WITH ME. NOTHING MORE. i was just thinking.. i'm pretty sure that my grandma told me when she was alive that even her neighbor (who was born mentally disabled) has his driver's license. so EVEN other disabled people- who i'm pretty sure they're in a worse condition than i am- HAS his driver's license but oh! i get a traumatic brain injury from a car accident and all of a sudden i don't get the opportunity to do things that other people my age get to do on a normal basis. just shows me my LACK of respect and support i receive from my family to help me become truly happy and successful because IT'S NOT CONVENIENT FOR THEM! BUT "I GOT THIS"! *ROLLS EYES* I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK I DO TO GET THE THINGS THAT I BARELY MANAGE TO GET. I'M SURE I COULD BE A LOT FURTHER IF I HAD ANY ADVOCACY BUT- I GOT THIS! tell me that shit the next time YOU get a TBI and your ONLY advocate dies.

another job opportunity? the truth.

someone just called me about some data entry job. they asked me if they had my most recent resume and i forgot that i don't think i put the updated resume with my experience at sebathani community center on it. i had assumed that the resume i sent them was the most recent which my job coach put the experience at sebathani on it but the guy asked me if i hadn't worked since 2021 because that's what it said. so i need to look over that resume after i go to spanish class today.
another thing i've been wondering about since my mom MAGICALLY knows how to read now, so she reads my blog. YET the bum couldn't even fuckin work MY WHOLE LIFE because she couldn't read! coincidence.. i think not. my psychologist assumed that it was just because my fat sister reads it to her. since that's a possibility- i've decided to make my lazy ass bum of a mom and heifer sister's lives a LIVING HELL IF i don't get to the east coast and establish residence. i don't really understand how amanda seems to think it'll be EASIER on her if she makes sure that she doesn't help make sure that i get to the east coast. i promise to make amanda, my bum mom, and my heifer sister's lives as bothersome as possible if i get forced to give up MY GOALS which i've had for at least 25 years. IF you REALLY gave a shit about me- you'd be helping to make sure I was as happy as possible. NOT my stupid sister and mom who are NOT the owner of my life. YOU CAN'T JUST PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN THE FUCK YOU WANT TO STEP IN MY LIFE AND ACT LIKE YOU "CARE". WHERE WERE YOU PRICKS WHEN I WAS BUSTING MY ASS OFF IN REHAB. AND SCHOOL/COLLEGE?! OUT GETTING PREGNANT AND DROPPING OUT OF SCHOOL AND SMOKING CIGARETTES, DRINKING PEPSI, AND TALKING TO YOUR DAMN DOGS. seriously.. IF you dicks actually cared about me- you'd be supporting me to be as happy and successful AS POSSIBLE. fuck off. ALL of you. egotistical pricks who can't handle someone with the same circumstances as you doing something with their lives. MAYBE if you actually fucking worked on YOURSELVES.. YOU'D ACTUALLY FUCKING GET SOMEWHERE.