HOPEFULLY this helps.

i made an appointment next week on wednesday at protherapy to help me get more in shape, so people that interview me don't assume i'm not capable of doing front desk jobs like the person last week. i hope this will actually help me, so i'm able to keep employers interested in hiring me after seeing my resume. a person would NORMALLY assume a front-desk worker just stays stationary but i'm sure there ARE places which require them to take another worker's duties or help them with their duties.. so i just wanna make sure people stay interested in hiring me after seeing my resume AND interviewing me. my therapist came today and we were talking about how i've been able to get interviews and she shared experiences because she told me she used to be a job coach before this job. she gave me some tips and i tried to do one of them but it didn't provide any further help with actual employment in the kind of jobs i'm interested in. i'll just have to keep doin what i'm doin and eventually something will work for me. i've managed to expand my opportunities and moving from the burnsville shithole to an environment with more employers interested in hiring me has helped A LOT.. baby steps.. i'll get there. it doesn't matter what's more convenient to a bunch of bums that just support me when it's convenient or beneficial for THEM because this is MY LIFE. you dicks don't have to deal with the circumstances of living strictly on social security when your parents did NOT own an apartment/land. so butt the fuck out or go purchase a damn apartment and run it SUCCESSFULLY- until then- butt the fuck out. whining to our relatives and grandma's friends isn't gonna get you SHIT. people who play "victim" all the time are NOT cute.. or even smart. you can't hold someone in front of you while life kicks your ass. tough shit. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. your mommy isn't here to protect you anymore. i never had that benefit. my mom sacrificed my body while being kicked by my dad.. i don't need to tell you that though. YOU did it.
i called the people who i interviewed with last week. the lady who told me right away that front desk workers are really active and on their feet all the time (insinuating i wouldn't be interested in the job because she seen my cane) told me she still had some interviews and she'll call me later. i had expected for her to just straight out tell me that she gave the job to someone else right away.. but i guess not. another lady who i interviewed with said that she was still interviewing people and she'd get back to me later and i had to leave a voicemail for the other guy i interviewed with on friday i think. HOPEFULLY someone is interested.. just gotta wait. i have a video interview with some car dealership to be the receptionist there on thursday. gotta keep my options open. i just hope they don't require me to have any automobile knowledge.. i don't think they will but ya never know for sure- they might want all their workers to be familiar with cars.. who knows.

am i that out of shape?

i'm still thinking about that interview on friday when the lady interviewing me was implying that i wasn't in the proper shape to work the job.. i've seen people who are twice my size working.. (well it might not have been in a hotel) but i have been trained by some guy who had to be at least twice my age.. or close to it and they still employed him. i'm pretty sure the woman had assumed that i was in the shape to work the job considering my work experience and i doubt she would've wasted her time interviewing me if she knew i wasn't in the shape to work the job. so with all of this said- that just tells me that i have to go back to protherapy and work with them some more- seeing as the soonest i could schedule my acupuncture appointment was at the end of this month. i'm pretty sure i'll ACTUALLY see results from acupuncture since joe recommended it to me from FIRST-HAND EXPERIENCE. the day amanda attends courage kenny as a client for a month or so and she can honestly tell me how she thinks they helped her in rehabilitation to become more ambulatory and strong is the day i'll actually fuckin consider listening to her. after all- SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME AND MY FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE ACCOUNTS! NO.. i'm just an idiot with a traumatic brain injury.. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT I HAVE VIDEOS OF ME AT COURAGE KENNY (PROBABLY AROUND 10-15 YEARS AGO) BECAUSE THAT DOESN'T BENEFIT HER! SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE SHE ACTUALLY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ME! plus it's more convenient for her to neglect my needs and personal experiences, so she can look "supportive" and "caring" to her kewliez sister-in-law WHO SHE'S NOT RELATED TO BY BLOOD AND WHO SHE ALSO DIDN'T GROW UP WITH. NONE OF THAT MATTERS THOUGH! you are seriously an idiot if you assume i'm alright letting someone who's never lived a day in my life try to direct my life. i WILL make your life a living hell if i'm forced to go back to that sad excuse of a rehabilitation "facility". that's a promise. if you think i'm crazy now.. you haven't seen NOTHIN yet. if i go down- YOU'RE GOIN WITH ME along with all these other anuses who are trying to ruin my life by acting like they actually "care" about me by attempting to control what and where i end up. *GASP* THAT MEANS YOU TOO MOMMY AND FAT AMY! i would've been a nicer person if you guys would just MIND YOUR BUSINESS. IF MY GRANDMA HONESTLY THOUGHT I WASN'T CAPABLE OF MAKING MY OWN DECISIONS- SHE WOULD'VE MADE SURE I GOT A CONSERVATOR OR GUARDIAN. she didn't know how to SAFELY get me where i wanted to live because she knew she was getting old and naive- that is why she told me to wait for my cousin amanda to help me get where i wanted safely. i can honestly tell you that she'd be disappointed with the lack of help and assistance i've recieved from you. newsflash: I'M NOT GRANDMA. I DON'T SWEEP ABUSE UNDER THE FUCKIN RUG. NOT AFTER ALL THE SHIT I'VE PERSONALLY BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU ASSHOLES DID TO ME. if you actually cared about me- this would probably mean more to all of you. THANKS FOR THE PTSD, DICKS! YOU'VE BEEN SO MUCH HELP TO ME CONTROLLING IT AND MAKING SURE MORE SYMPTOMS DON'T ARISE! if you think i was honest during my last sentence- YOU'RE STUPIDER THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE.

not getting my hopes up on this one.

i went to the interview at the hotel that some lady from there emailed me about a job this afternoon. i'm not even sure exactly why she even contacted me if she was just gonna discriminate against me for having a cane. we were talking to each other at a table and she went out of her way almost right away to say, "there's A LOT of moving around when you're at the front desk. you have to get up all the time and run to client's rooms ALL THE TIME." i'm not sure if she was expecting some kind of reaction out of me but i just brushed off her comment because i remember SEVERAL times where i've PERSONALLY ran to the offices of different people who work at sabathani community center for some reason or another to tell them something (either because i wasn't fully familiar with the phone system yet or some other reason). i'm not really sure WHY the hell she even took the chance in interviewing me if she wasn't sure i was completely physically capable of working the job and she discriminated against me, assuming i wouldn't be capable of working the job. so i'm not even sure i wanna work in an environment like that (even though everyone else in the hotel seemed to treat me normally), i gotta keep in mind the two other interviews i had before this one and the employers said they'd get back to me on monday and tuesday of this coming week. good thing i didn't get my hopes up too much about this job (even though it feels like i've interviewed at this hotel at least once or twice before in my life- they always switch supervisors though.. so i doubt they'd personally remember me). i don't even think she gave me credit for attending the interview at the last minute and being flexible enough to make it work at the last minute.

another interview!

i just got back from a wax and when i was at the salon, i checked my email and some lady from a hotel i applied to on indeed emailed me asking if i was available for an interview today or another time. i called fredrick to see if he could bring me to the interview and we came up with 4. she said she was available at 4:45/5- so i confirmed the time because fredrick said he'd be able to take me at that time. so i got another interview at a hotel now! so i'm sure this means that i'm at least qualified for the types of jobs i'm really interested in working since employers DO seem to be interested in hiring me because if they weren't- i'm sure they wouldn't waste time interviewing me because they could be doing other things. it irritates me that my family (except joe) doesn't seem to have the confidence in me working.. EVEN with the prior work experience to interest employers. which is also another reason why i don't wanna live in this particular state because they aren't supportive of me if it doesn't make them look good or benefit them in any other way. THAT'S NOT HOW FAMILY IS SUPPOSED TO ACT. so FUCK the argument that i shouldn't look to move to another state because my family is here. THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T CARE ABOUT MY WELL-BEING IF IT DOESN'T BENEFIT THEM AND IF IT'S NOT CONVENIENT FOR THEM EVEN THOUGH THIS IS MY LIFE. a normal supportive family would encourage me to complete and excel at my goals since this is MY life- NOT THEIRS. MAYBE IF THEIR HUSBANDS HAVE SISTERS OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WORK AT THE HOTEL.. THEY MIGHT BE MORE SUPPORTIVE BUT I DOUBT IT SINCE THEY'RE NOT REALLY BENEFITING FROM IT. seriously- JUST BUTT OUT AND MIND YOUR BUSINESS. I AM NOT A PAWN TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE "CARING" OR GET YOU CLOSER TO YOUR IN-LAW'S RELATIVES. i didn't go through ALL the shit i've been through in life JUST to remain a vulnerable rehabilitation pawn to make my family look like they actually fucking care about me when they CAN'T EVEN ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN THE EMERGENCY ROOM CALLS THEM. oh.. it wasn't a good time for you? i'll make sure i nearly crack my head open in a more convenient time for you next time! you should've never fuckin taken the responsibility if YOU WEREN'T GONNA DO IT. YOU GOT THIS! you've obviously never been around a person with a traumatic brain injury and don't try to act like you fucking care by IGNORING EVERYTHING I'VE ALREADY DONE TO HELP ME PROGRESS WHERE I ACTUALLY AM ABLE TO FUNCTION JUST BECAUSE YOU LOOK "CARING" AND KEWLIEZ TO YOUR IN-LAWS. you might figure, "oh stacy is too stupid to help herself since she has a traumatic brain injury! she'll be happy that someone is actually paying attention to her regardless if it's shit she's ALREADY done probably 10-15 years ago because she's too stupid to recognize WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HER!".. seriously- if you're not on the same fucking page as me because you feel like laughing with dustin and the other cousins about how crazy i am- JUST BUTT OUT. i KNOW this is NOT how my grandma thought you'd support me. she thought you actually cared about us to help us how we really needed to be helped- NOT just what's beneficial and convenient for YOU.

experience pays.

i just got back from my interview at the hotel i just interviewed at. i'd say the interview went good also (but i always tend to think that). the guy interviewing me said that he picked to interview me because he looked at my work experience and it was mainly customer service jobs and he said that's what he was looking for because that's the #1 important thing when working there- the guest HAS to be satisfied. so my work experience is an advantage for me when looking and applying to these hospitality jobs. i don't honestly remember making any mistakes and he said he'd get back to me in 3 days if i got the job or not. the hotel is closer to my place than the previous hotel i just interviewed at but i don't think i prefer one of the jobs over the other. i'm sure he paid attention to how i got transportation there and LUCKILY the lyft driver was fast.. so that wasn't an issue.. hopefully he doesn't discriminate against me for not independently driving there with my own car. the man seemed like a nice guy though- so i doubt it.

IDENTITY

i'm PRETTY SURE i figured out how my identity may have got stolen. i had the idea that someone was trying to con/scam me into giving them personal information yesterday after someone from my bank called me saying they worked for my bank and they had reports of someone in texas attempting to withdraw money from my account. then i said, "i haven't even been to texas in my life. it's not me." MAYBE i was in texas for a few hrs when i was an infant crossing the border but i obviously don't remember. after i got off the phone with the person who claimed they were from my bank, i started to wonder if THEY were in fact from my bank.. so i emailed the lady in charge of my money and she ended up emailing me back, saying that she didn't see any weird charges and it was good that i was so suspicious of my account. i just looked in the box on the floor next to my couch to see if i could find my little iradescent book with all my ID's in it (my old driver's license, social security card, and security id for the convention center when i worked the superbowl experience) in my purse and i can't find the book. i'm not sure if the book fell out in the box but not from what i can see. so that MAY be how someone managed to steal my identity. i'm not really sure why in the hell anyone would wanna steal MY identity but people are stupid these days. it's not like i have a house, driver's license (so obviously no vehicle), kids, paying job, or anything else people might want- so they're just wasting their fuckin time. losers. i gotta go to spanish class in like a half an hour, then from there i'm heading STRAIGHT to my other interview because it's closer to my spanish class then it is to my apartment. i need to check to see if i have everything for the interview. my job coach gave me a good tip for what to avoid saying if they ask me something- i used it my last interview and i feel like they're probably more interested in hiring me than if i would've said the thing my job coach told me not to say because it's like i was telling the person what to do in a negative connotation. now i'm just gonna make sure i have everything for spanish and my interview..

another one down.

i just got back from another interview at another hotel. the guy who was interviewing me actually seemed interested in hiring me if i think back to the interview. he asked me where i lived and i told him, "st. paul.." i wasn't sure if he'd say it was too far away but he actually said, "OH! so you're not too far away then!" and i said, "not really." so at least he thought the distance was something he could work with. the hotel was a nice little hotel in the city and i wouldn't mind working there. the guy who interviewed me actually went out of his way when i could hear back from them on whether they were gonna hire me- 3 days. hopefully that's a good sign also. just gotta think optimistically because thinking everything will go wrong won't get me anywhere. i also have another interview tomorrow at another hotel, this interview is a little later than the one today was. it's also closer. we'll see though. i'm eager to work at a hotel. i just hope that someone realizes that and sees the persistence and work i'm willing to put in. the people at this hotel didn't assume i was interviewing for a housekeeping role either.. i don't think anyway.

wasted teenage years..

the MAIN reason why i say that tim doesn't have integrity is because even though he told me about how he lectured his sister about saying things about me.. why is his mom so comfortable with completely DISREGARDING all the shit i've had to go through on account of her son? I ALMOST FUCKING DIED. SIX MONTHS IN A COMA WHERE THE DOCTORS DID ADVISE MY GRANDMA AND MOM TO UNHOOK THE LIFE SUPPORT BECAUSE IF AND WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE COMA- I'D BE A VEGETABLE. my grandma was a stubborn bitch like me, so she told them if God wanted me the day of the accident- he'd have taken me. so after my whole remaining high school years (junior and senior) in a wheelchair plus more.. i finally got my ass outta that stupid wheelchair (which was probably more for the sympathy of my family). i realize that tim is surrounded by naive, selfish people who don't care about what i went through on account of tim (his stupid sister did bring up to me, "well you shouldn't have got in the car when you knew he was drunk." WE WERE YOUNG and i'm positive if i'd have called my grandpa for a safe ride home- he would've either had another heart attack and/or said, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN NEW YORK?!" but my grandpa actually had INTEGRITY- so he'd have done anything and everything he could've to get me home SAFELY. so you shouldn't be talking about my stupidity of getting in the car with a DRUNK DRIVER when it wouldn't have been a problem if your smart ass brother wasn't underage DRINKING AND DRIVING in the first place).
i have that interview at some hotel in about two hours or so. my job coach just called me and asked me if i wanted to go through anything before the interview- i feel like i usually have went through what i should say before other interviews.. i'm not sure if there's anything more that'll help me. hopefully they don't discriminate against me. i don't really think they will (now that i think of it) considering THEY were the ones who contacted ME about this job first. so hopefully that shows their desire to hire me. i can't get too overconfident though.. i'll probably be let down by the results if i do. huh.. i should be prepared for people at the hotel to just assume i'm interviewing for a housekeeping role since little latinas are typically hotel housekeepers. i think i've ran into that assumption the past two interviews AT LEAST. latinas just must be willing to do the hard jobs no one else wants.

huh.

i had my ics session and LUCKILY the ics worker looked at my phone and said, "do you have a nailclipper or something?" and i said, "yeah." then got him my toe nailclipper. he picked the piece of the charger which was jammed in the plug out and we tested to see if it charged after and it did. so i don't have to wait for fredrick to come but i canceled my wax for nothing (even though she claims i never had one scheduled). i just gotta reschedule one now. i gotta make sure it's on a day where i'll absolutely have a ride there because i don't feel like canceling/missing an appointment and getting charged for it (it has actually happened to me a few times before).
that also means i don't have to worry about not getting a lyft ride for friday's interview now. so i have a better chance at getting employed now. there's gotta be an employer out there who will recognize my drive and persistence and give me a shot. i also scheduled a zoom interview with some car dealer for a receptionist job there a few hours ago. gotta keep my options open, seeing as it seems that employers may be turned off when i walk into the interview with a cane. i don't honestly feel that ALL of the employers i interview with find another person more qualified for the position. not after around at least TWO interviews a week for the past year or so. i always think the interviews go well and i'm disappointed when they don't follow up. so that's around 48-50 interviews (maybe a little more or less) without interest in actually hiring me. i'm not sure if my problem is that i don't have anything that really goes out of the way to impress employers (my skills obviously aren't good enough..). the only thing i can really think of is that employers must view me as a liability because of the cane. as illegal as it is- i don't really have strong proof that IS what it is. it annoys me that tim and the rest of his family must not think i have problems as a result of him drinking and driving because they're so comfortable with not talking to me and making snooty comments about settlement bullshit. like i'm not doing as bad as they're comfortable communicating with or caring about- so they feel more comfortable with blocking me out. it's kinda like a little kid vandalizing a house and getting in trouble by the law for it but walking away without any consequences from anybody else. ah well. i'm not the one who condoned a person drinking and driving and killing one person and NEARLY killing the other passenger. NOT ON MY CONSCIENCE AND GOD WON'T BE HAVING THAT CONVERSATION WITH ME AT JUDGMENT DAY! the normal person might be like "well it was an ACCIDENT and you said you forgave him." well YES.. but i don't appreciate him clearly being influenced by his sad ass excuse of "support" NOT to talk to me and or even see how the person he NEARLY killed is doing. i was thinking of ALL the things that i didn't have an opportunity to do because i was in a wheelchair, worrying about rehabilitation. NEARLY ALL of my teenage years were in the crapper because someone decided he was the mack daddy, so it was alright to drink and drive. I DIDN'T GET TO ATTEND PROM. I DIDN'T GET TO ATTEND A LOT OF ACTIVITIES YOUNGER PEOPLE NORMALLY ATTEND IN SCHOOL BECAUSE I WAS IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR. I DIDN'T GET TO PERSONALLY WALK UP TO THE PODIUM TO ACCEPT MY DIPLOMA. i didn't get to attend most of school (i only graduated with honors because i was so ahead of credits BEFORE my car accident).. meaning i couldn't participate in sports or other physical events. DOESN'T MATTER THOUGH CATHY! AS LONG AS I GOT THAT DAMN SETTLEMENT! i missed out on A LOT of my teenage life. OH BUT IT'S OKAY! I HAD A FEEDING TUBE AND BACLOFEN PUMP MY TEENAGE YEARS TO MAKE UP FOR IT! you people are so fucking shallow and you talk about how I should be more grateful.. GRATEFUL FOR GOING THROUGH THE WINDSHEILD AND SPENDING SIX MONTHS IN A COMA (crocs in new york even advised my family to disconnect the life support because if i ever came out of the coma- i'd be a vegetable my whole life). I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I GOT TO GO THROUGH THAT SHIT INSTEAD OF LIVING ACTUAL CAREFREE TEENAGE YEARS! I'M SO UNGRATEFUL! considering i didn't have a drop of alcohol in my immune system- which is why i got fucked with a traumatic brain injury and your smart ass son WAS drinking but the alcohol paralyzed his immune system- SO NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM! GOOD NEWS! HE WAS ABLE TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED! I MUST BE THE SPAWN OF SATAN.. THAT'S WHY I GOT SCREWED OVER WITH A TBI AND I CAN WALK BUT I TEND TO FALL WHEN I DON'T HAVE A CANE OR SOMETHING TO ASSIST ME!.. seriously- devil woman.. your time IS coming. get cocky all you want with having a son who can kill another person and nearly kill another person while still managing to get happily married to a woman (who i honestly feel sorry for) and making little future drunk drivers. maybe i'd be more bothered by tim not talking to me if he actually had any integrity. good riddance, i suppose.

telefono- nada.

i was in bed and my phone was charging fine, to my knowledge anyway- then i got outta bed and unplugged my phone from the charger in my room. when i finally got to my living room this morning, i discovered the plug to my phone popped out of the phone. i tried to push it back in and nothing would work. then i just tried to plug another charger into it in my living room and it wouldn't work. so.. i had a wax scheduled today at 1 but i need my phone to call lyft and so i just called the salon and cancelled it (i'm pretty sure that i would've got charged $50 for cancelling the appointment) but after i explained to the lady why i was cancelling it, she said that i didn't have an appointment anyway- so i said, "alright! that's a relief! thanks, bye." i'm not sure if i really did have an appointment and she was just saying that because it's even written on my calendar "1 PM- wax".. oh well, at least i didn't have to pay for a service i didn't get. then my job coach was texting me and i luckily arranged for her to take me to my job interview at the hilton tomorrow and she was confirming it. however- i DO still have an interview scheduled on friday that i'm not exactly sure how i'm gonna get there- seeing as i can't use my cell phone RIGHT NOW to use the lyft app but hopefully verizon helps me solve the broken phone problem before friday.. i think they should at least be able to give me a loner to use until i get a new one before friday. so i hope things actually work out for me considering my only phone i have right now is at 66% charge with the charging plug-insert popped out on the phone.

NOT LONG NOW!

when i showed the ics worker the email i got from the housing agency in massachusetts that sent me an email today, she said it was good that they got back to me now because now i see that i'm at the top of their housing waiting list and it won't be long now. she's right. so i'm finally seeing results in getting to where I truly want to live since this IS MY LIFE. maybe if certain parents and family members weren't so abusive and selfish- i wouldn't have wanted to move? *GASP* LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THE OBVIOUS AND BLAME THE ONE MOVING! *rolls eyes* you're just proving that i'm making the correct moves and i won't regret it for a second. EVEN my grandma realized that if i wanna go somewhere- I'M GONNA GET THERE. might as well be safe so no one is hurt or killed! anyone who's too stupid or ignorant to realize that just confirms why i'm moving and if you're too stupid to recognize that- focus on yourself, tubs. you're NOT smart enough to stop me from getting where I want. i realize you only have ONE life to live and NO ONE has to deal with the CONSEQUENCES of my daily choices but ME. it shouldn't take a coma and life support along with the ability to walk taken away from someone for people to realize that. SO IF YOU THINK YOU WANNA TRY TO STOP ME FROM LIVING MY LIFE THE WAY I'VE BUSTED MY ASS OFF TO- YOU'LL BE DISAPPOINTED AND YOU'RE ALSO JUST DAMNING YOURSELF. i don't mean to be the elephant in the room.

housing

i got an email from the housing company in massachusetts saying another person ahead of me on the waiting list accepted a housing offer but my application will stay on record for 180 days- should they or another housing company (for which i would be on the top of housing list) have another vacancy. i just hope something comes up to make me get housing there sooner. it feels like more housing opportunities are available at this housing company than the housing companies in new york. i regret not doing this sooner since massachusetts is a really nice place to live from what i've personally seen.