held hostage by incompetent excuses of "support"

i tried using my debit card and it hasn't been working for about 2 months. i emailed amy and let her know this and said i assumed it was because she put a block on my card until after i got back from mexico. she played dumb and acted like she didn't know it wasn't working properly and told me to call the # on the back of the card. i did call the number in the back of the card and they told me that it's because my account doesn't have any money in it. i emailed amy and told her and all she did was tell me to call the number on the back of the card. brian would've never pulled this shit. she's trying to take advantage of my lack of advocacy because she knows she can get away with holding my finances and make it actually look like she's actually doing her fucking job properly because i wouldn't be able to spend my money so i'd have more money. WTF is the damn point of money if you CAN'T fuckin spend it? ridiculous excuse of a trustee. LEARN HOW TO DO YOUR DAMN JOB. i'm gonna show the ics workers tomorrow about how she's keeping my own money from me and taking advantage of a vulnerable adult. everyone assumes i'm an idiot. we'll see how stupid i am after i tell people my problems and get people who will ACTUALLY HELP ME. i'm also going to look into switching the person who is my supposed other holder of my trust because they DON'T help me at all. YOU GOT THIS!.. FUCK YOU AND FUCK "THIS". MY GRANDMA IS PROBABLY ROLLING IN HER GRAVE WITH THE LACK OF HELP AND CARE YOU'VE GIVEN ME. i see you spying on me on facebook- NEWSFLASH: I'M NOT AS STUPID AS YOU. i know when people are monitoring me. IF you ACTUALLY fuckin cared and supported me- YOU'D TALK TO ME ON A NORMAL BASIS WITHOUT ME HAVING TO TELL YOU I NEED HELP OR TO BE SPOKEN TO. that's NOT how normal CARING families behave, dumbass. go stalk your other kewliez cousins with your salon friend's facebook account. "YOU GOT THIS!" if you seriously cared about me- you would know better than to assume that i don't need support or care BECAUSE YOU NEVER TALK TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE TO EVEN KNOW. you and amy seem to think you're so damn smart. i know how to deal with assholes like you guys. watch out.

a cane does not EQUAL unhelpful.

i'm not sure if i mentioned that some hotel messaged me on indeed about getting back to me when they want to interview me (so basically telling me to look forward to an email requesting an interview soon). i don't know if i recognize this hotel.. i just hope they don't discriminate against me for having a cane like most of the damn people who request in-person interviews (i was actually lucky enough to find sabathani community center who i don't remember ever feeling discriminated against). i'm pretty sure spanish has been helping me to at least understand spanish (i still have questions on how to reply all the time) but there HAS been once or twice.. maybe more when i was able to understand what a few people who called sabathani speaking spanish were saying. just gotta wait and see..

possible pathway to employment..

good news! i checked indeed today and the job which i was interested in and applied to (and i wasn't sure they'd even be interested in interviewing me because i THOUGHT i remembered interviewing there before and they told me something about the job and i said that i didn't wanna work there because of what they told me.. so i figured they'd remember my application and just toss it) ACTUALLY messaged me and asked when i was available for a phone interview next week. HOPEFULLY this ACTUALLY works for me because the schedule is perfect and i'm capable of doing all the tasks entailed in the job.
i can't find the letter that the therapist wrote yesterday when i went to pro therapy. i was gonna scan it, so i could show my care coordinator the letter. i also ABSOLUTELY need it for the appointment i have to see a doctor next month- so i can just get insurance to pay for the therapy, instead of paying outta pocket. man.. i'd lose my head if it weren't on my shoulders. i guess i'll just have to keep looking for it.
i have spanish in about 45 minutes. i enjoy learning spanish. the tutor and i figured out that i can understand spanish fine, it's just replying in spanish that i seem to have a little difficulty in. for some reason, i remember watching a movie in spanish a long time ago and understanding exactly what was going on. so i'm trying to learn the language, so i can feel more confident in replying in spanish. the trip to mexico that i'm supposed to be taking may help out with learning the language.

ayuda con el trabajo

so my job coach was SUPPOSED to come today and i called her at like 12:15ish because we were SUPPOSED to meet at 12 today. fredrick went to check if my job coach needed to be let into the apartment at about 12:10 and he claimed he didn't see anyone there but when i called her at 12:15 she CLAIMED she came and then left because she CLAIMED she left after 10 minutes of waiting there.. i somehow doubt she was there but my phone WAS on silent mode, so i didn't hear it. then she claimed she couldn't come back be cause she had other appointments to go to. i thought i had a phone interview today scheduled at 12:15 with jersey mike's but they never called. i'm not sure if the application automatically texts people that apply to jersey mike's and just tells them they want to schedule a phone interview and when can someone from jersey mike's call them but they never end up calling the person. i kinda figured that something like this would happen when they asked me to give them the best time to call them and didn't reply with a message after i told them. i also just applied to some place that is familiar and i'm not quite sure i've interviewed with them before a couple months ago- so i'm not even sure they'll even request an interview with me for some reason. i'm pretty sure it wasn't anything I did when i was interviewing with them, it feels like they told me something about the job which made me lose interest. i'm not even sure they'll request an interview now though. the job coach told me she'd just come next week now but i'm not sure i can expect her if she probably didn't even show up today- seeing as fredrick said he didn't see anyone waiting. i'm sure i'd probably be more successful if i had people who actually showed up to work all the time when working with me. fredrick is about the only worker who's dependable ALL THE TIME.

bump..

i just got back from pro therapy and the first thing i asked the therapist about was the bump on my foot. i took my shoe and sock off and she seemed kinda surprised immediately when she looked at it. then she said, "does it hurt?" then she pushed on it. it didn't hurt- so i told her, "no." then i said, "do you think it's a bunion? i know my grandpa had one and i think my mom got hers removed." then the therapist said, "no because bunions are on the SIDE and top of your foot." then she told me it must be lipoma. i'm not sure HOW or exactly WHEN i got it. so she wrote me a note with the plan for therapy and i think she mentioned something about the lipoma. it doesn't bother me or hurt- it just makes my foot resemble an alien foot. then we worked on strengthening exercises and then therapy was done. so i suppose i should call my care coordinator and ask him to make a doctor's appointment to look at my alien foot.

ALIEN FOOT!

i was reminded of the deformity on my left foot today when i was getting dressed. fredrick pointed it out a few weeks ago- i don't remember when i first noticed it. it looks like a huge growth/bump bubble on the top of my foot. it's kinda hard (but there's not a bone to it). i remember that my grandpa had bunions on his feet. he never got them removed. i'm PRETTY SURE my mom also got them but my grandma made sure my mom had them removed. so.. i just looked up bunyons on google and they said a person can get them from genetics. my foot resembles an alien's foot with bumps on it. we keep forgetting to ask the nurse who fills my anodyne machine every week to look at it but i'll HOPEFULLY remember this week. then i wondered for a milisecond if wearing my braces again would possibly make it go down but i doubt it seeing as it's on the top of my foot and my footbraces don't touch the top of my foot. i have an appointment at protherapy today in about an hour, i could ask them to look at my foot.

flight response?

i had ics today and i had my ics worker assist me in checking which housing waiting lists i'm on for champs. i could've sworn that i used to be on more when zen was helping me before, so i had her help me re-add a few of the ones i actually remembered. one of them zen claimed i was at the top of the waiting list but then i just needed to readd it.. so it's probably gonna be a little more of a delay.
i went to sabathani after i met with her and i was reading the book MY FAMILY CAN KISS MY ASS and i'm pretty sure i figured out what's going on with my mom. it warns me against adding any narcissistic family members (including my MOM) as friends or being connected with them on social media because that just gives them material to keep you in their toxicity. i de-friended my mom and sister on facebook a LONG time ago, along with a bunch of my narcissistic family members. i'm pretty sure my sister figures she can get closer to me since she stalks me and agrees with everything i say and acts like she came up with those thoughts first from the few conversations i've had with her lately (it was a long time ago and i noticed how she basically said word for word part of one of my blog entries.) newsflash tubs: get a life. i'm smarter than you and everyone else in this world thinks. don't waste your time trying to copy me when you're not willing to ACTUALLY do all of the fucking work. that includes graduating HIGH SCHOOL with HONORS and attending three different colleges and managing to get hired for jobs and volunteering at a community center for OVER a year. oh yeah.. and participating in volleyball in 9th and 10th grade, basketball in 9th grade while managing to do data entry in 9th and 10th grade. YOU CAN'T TAKE ANY SHORTCUTS. that means no weed and no alcohol.. and also!! your favorite- NO SYNTHETIC MARIJUANA. you've already failed seeing as you had a kid by 12 and i didn't lose my virginity until i was 20. TOUGH SHIT. i'm sure amanda assumes my mind will change when my mom attempts to call me (although she hasn't for a while- she probably figured out I'M NOT TALKING TO NARCISSISTIC BUMS WHO ARE STRUCK ON KEEPING ME IN THE SAME PLACE WHEN I ACTUALLY WORK TO GET MYSELF OUT OF THE HOLE THOSE ASSHOLES ARE COMFORTABLE IN- too bad because MY LIFE is NOT THEIR lives.. the fact that amanda assumes i'm stupid enough to just give up everything i've worked my ass off to get in life is just DISRESPECTFUL and it reveals how much she truly doesn't give a fuck about me. she assumes that i'm stupid and i'll just be satisfied with staying in her comfort zone so she can feel better about NOT doing what she told her aunt she'd do- she also refused to recognize my medical HISTORY and how i had TWO surgeries so far on the SAME PLACE i was KICKED by my dad when my mom put MY BODY in front of her to block him kicking HER. GOD FORBID ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING TO TRACY ABOUT THAT THOUGH! SHE'S GOT A BRAIN INJURY! SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING! heh.. well MOM.. i hate to tell you- I now have a brain injury as well.. I KNOW YOUR STUPID ASS CAN READ. IF YOU COULDN'T- YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I SAY ON MY BLOG, YOU NOSEY BITCH. suck it. i've went through ENOUGH shit in my life than for you and fat amy to get in the way of where i'm going. i truly hate you both and you'll never hear me talking about your stupid asses again on here. maybe you'll get a life and actually get your fucking diploma, fatsy).
i managed to tentatively schedule a phone interview with jersey mike's and i said i'd be attending some virtual interview for a flex receptionist job tomorrow. i'm trying to keep myself as busy as i can so i don't have time to think about how much shit sucks. "Keeping yourself busy to avoid thinking about painful feelings or memories is called emotional avoidance or experiential avoidance. In psychology, this is also viewed as a "flight" response where hyper-productivity acts as a defense mechanism against stress or trauma." THANK YOU VERY MUCH GOOGLE! i have words to describe what i'm going through.

i think i came up with the answer myself.

alright.. i checked with my therapist on what she thinks i should do about cutting my sister and everyone connected to her off and she said, "well.. do you even talk to your sister now?" and i stopped for a second and said, "no.. her and my mom just stalk me. i don't communicate with her.. i see no reason to." then she said, "okay.. there ya go. what about your mom? i didn't think you spoke to her much anyway.." then i said, "i don't talk to my mom. i avoid talking to her because she ALWAYS has something negative to say and i'm not doin that anymore.." so my therapist basically helped me come up with my own solutions. so those assholes can stalk me all they want.. no shit under my nails. they can just join my fanclub which i refuse to talk to. you assholes never used to concern yourselves with me.. wtf do you want? doesn't matter. i suppose if you were smart- you'd probably realize how i'm giving you a taste of your own medicine. you can't change my mind. i don't need either of you for anything now. you've taught me to find somewhere else to get help or rely on other people for what you provide for me (i say this mostly to my mom because my sister is basically a huge wart to me.. big and annoying). i'm hoping my honesty will turn your desire to stalk me by reading my blog like it's the newspaper OFF but i might be giving the intelligence of both of you too much credit. the thought of them idiots assuming that just because my grandma and i always spoke to each other- i'll be JUST like her and condone their stupidity (my grandma basically just took my fat sister physically pushing her on her ass at my apartment.. if anyone EVER pushed me on the floor- my temper would flare up and i can guarantee you that i'd make sure they were sorry for pushing me.. not to mention- my grandma basically condoned my mom using my body as a shield while my dad was kicking me.. DID MY GRANDMA FEEL MY DAD KICKING HER AFTER MY STUPID MOM BROUGHT ME INTO THE QUARREL? NO. DID SHE HAVE TO BE CUT OPEN TWICE AND GO THROUGH IMMENSE ABDOMINAL PAIN?! HELL NO. I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT- ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU NEVER TOOK ACCOUNTABILITY FOR IT OR EVEN APOLOGIZED FOR IT EVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE. don't give me that "i helped you after your car accident.." bullshit either.. newsflash- THAT IS A PARENT'S RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILD WHEN THEY'RE SICK AND/OR ALMOST DIE. I'M NOT SOME KIND OF IDIOT WHO WILL JUST FORGET ALL THE SHIT I HAD TO GO THROUGH ON ACCOUNT OF YOU. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO FUCKIN STUPID TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. how's that for acting like grandma? am i doing good? SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO GET CUT OPEN SURGICALLY TWICE SO FAR BECAUSE OF YOUR NARCISSISTIC SELFISH ASS. got anymore excuses for my mom's stupidity, flying monkeys?

role models..

so my heart has been fluttering for the past hour or so while talking to someone who said they're from my bank (their number also has the name of my bank next to the number on my phone). until i got really scared because it was taking so long to do whatever the guy claimed he was doing and i paniced and just hung up the phone. he's called me back at least three times- i didn't answer two of the times and i was on the phone with the office here asking them whether i should give him anymore information to "protect" my account- i don't think the ics worker who was working now really understood what i was telling him but then i said, "so should i just hang up and not give him anymore information?" the ics worker told me to just hang up because i shouldn't have to give him any information. knowing my luck- i've already fucked myself over considering i was told that someone stole my intentity.
i was thinking about how i told my therapist about how my sister tries to copy everything i do. she always has- even when we were younger but you'd think she'd GROW UP and realize she doesn't have to act like anyone else to look cool or smart or wtf reason she does. then i wondered why she doesn't try to copy someone else like my mom or cousin jessiy. the reason for why she doesn't look up to my mom wasn't hard to think of considering her only REAL achievements are having her kids. i'm not really sure why she doesn't look up to jessiy though- she obviously talks to her more and has more in common with her than she does with me. i say that because they both had kids pretty young- my sister was younger than jessiy but they were still teens (well- my sister was TWELVE.. great parenting led her to the decision to engage in the act of having children of course! *sarcasm* heh). could it be because copying them just seemed too easy to her and she'd actually feel more accomplished if she copied me? first of all chubs, you gotta get your damn ged. it's embarassing to me for someone to think they can pull off my identity without REALLY doing the hard work such as educating themselves to be remotely as smart as i am. you just remind me of how incredibly STUPID i would've been to just drop outta school after my car accident. so in a way i should be thanking you now that i think about it. you show me what would happen if i were to just give up all my goals and just pop a bunch of babies out. just like how mom inspires me to be NOTHING like herself as well! i tried to think of other sisters that i know of to see if they possibly have the same problems of copying the other's identity. all i can think of is terri and tammy and tiffany.. they actually get along and i'm pretty sure they have more self esteem than my sister along with intelligence.. must have something to do with their religion or something. don't get me wrong- i'm a Christian as well but they may be more stricter Christians being Catholic. i'm not sure. i can't really see any other strong differences between our situations.. other than the mom of my sister and i is a single mother and we have DIFFERENT fathers.. hm.. that MAY be it. the father of my sister and my father also beat the hell outta my mom and their father respected their mom and never laid a finger on her. my sister seems to think people will think she's smart for copying my mistakes because i managed to get outta my mistakes. i STILL experience consequences from my mistakes. i don't need some idiot to remind me of my mistakes by COPYING THEM. so i'm blocking YOU and EVERYONE CONNECTED TO YOU out of my life- so i can get some closure. i speak to my therapist a little later and i'm gonna check with her to see whether she thinks this is a wise decision but i'm pretty sure she'll agree with me as long as i'm more comfortable. plus- my sister didn't really copy me all the way- she took the easy, stupid way and tried to catch a ride to floridumb. i don't care if she did make it there- DID SHE TAKE HER OWN CAR TO THE AIRPORT AND LEAVE IT PARKED THERE IN THE PARKING RAMPS WITH A ROUND-TRIP TICKET TO NEW YORK TOO?! DID SHE MEET SOME GUY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PERSON AND GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT WITH HIM DRIVING DRUNK? DID SHE GET A TBI, LOSE HER ABILITY TO DO EVERYTHING, THEN SLOWLY GAIN IT BACK THROUGH LOTS OF REHABILITATION? DID SHE HAVE A FEW SEIZURES BECAUSE OF HER DECISION TO GO TO NEW YORK?! WAS SHE IN A COMA FOR 6 MONTHS ALSO? right. i didn't think so. before you try to act like me.. THINK. your fat ass couldn't tie my shoes.

I GET AROUND!!

for the ignorant, arrogant family members who have absolutely no concern for my well-being but whatever makes them appear "caring" to in-laws.. i ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to waste any more of my fucking time at courage kenny. if you think it's such a great idea for me to go to courage kenny- THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SUPPORT ME WHEN I WAS ATTENDING THAT WASTE OF TIME?! i went back there at least three times in hopes that MAYBE they'd help me get my driver's license back and seeing as i didn't help jerk them off with the advocacy i LACKED- they just disregarded me and failed me EVERY FUCKING DRIVER'S TEST. it got to the point where i KNEW i was capable of driving- so i went out and passed my knowledge test for driving at least THREE times to get my driver's permit- the idiotic therapist kevin asked me how i got my driver's permit (i'm assuming because he figures i'm too stupid to do anything like everyone else in this world) and i told him i passed the knowledge test in burnsville. HOWEVER- since people assume i'm stupid like my mom and i'll just do what they want me to do- they made me take a cognitive test and i failed that. IF my family actually cared about me- they'd be seeing how they can help me so i can drive again, since a responsible person needs a way for transportation and lyft and other transportation methods aren't always convenient. my family doesn't give a shit about me though!.. so i'm moving to an area where they ACTUALLY have a better transportation system.. so i don't just sit in my apartment every fucking day doing NOTHING because you know what happens when stacy has too much time on her hands doing NOTHING? trouble. i always manage to find a way to get in to trouble. that's ANOTHER reason why i'm moving to a bigger city.. they always have something to do- SO THAT LEAVES LESS TIME FOR TROUBLE. if amanda actually cared about me- she'd remove her head from her own smart ass and realize all this because after all- SHE FIGURES I'M TOO STUPID TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS ON HOW I LIVE MY LIFE! because i'm not regressing my abilities and i refuse to go BACK in my rehabilitation progress- she doesn't find any reason to talk or support me. even though this is MY life- NOT whatever's more convenient and beneficial to naive people who only care when it's beneficial for their lives! worry about your own fucking self and stop trying to attempt to make it seem like you actually care about me, mom and amanda. you're just gonna frustrate me into taking risks to do stupid things i can't turn back from. *GASP* YOU DON'T CARE AS LONG AS IT'S CONVENIENT AND BENEFICIAL FOR YOURSELVES! you two obviously don't care about ME because if you really did- YOU'D BE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE.. BECAUSE IT IS AFTERALL MY LIFE. my grandma recognized that, she just was aware that she was naive and not fully aware of everything i needed to get where I could be truly happy and she stupidly put her confidence in someone JUST as naive as her (if not MORE) to "help" me. so as long as my driving privileges are stripped- THAT JUST GIVES ME MORE OF A PUSH TO GO SOMEWHERE WHERE TRANSPORTATION IS MORE AVAILABLE AND ACCESSIBLE SO I CAN LIVE MY LIFE SUCCESSFULLY AND HAPPILY! IF MY MOM OR ANY OF MY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS ARE TOO FUCKIN STUPID TO FIGURE THIS OUT- THAT'S ON THEM. I'M DONE LETTING YOU ASSHOLES DRAG ME DOWN SO YOU LOOK GOOD TO EVERYONE ELSE. get a life which doesn't require your disabled family member to look more vulnerable and helpless than they really are in order to make you look like you actually care and support the disabled family member. losers. "YOU GOT THIS!"

STACY THE RED NOSED REINDEER

i forgot to mention my observation of my nose and face this morning. i've switched cpap masks at least once, maybe twice before because it made my nose red when i'd wear it. my nose is STILL red but i don't really think it's because of the mask (it may just be my allergies). HOWEVER it DID cause a little imprint and two little red marks on my nose. i think i had it on last night for a while and seen that it was marking up my nose when i went to the bathroom at night and i didn't put the mask back on after the bathroom but it's STILL imprinted in my nose along with the red marks. so i'll just continue to struggle to get sleep until i can actually get a damn mask that won't mark my nose up. damn genetics. i read to see if a person could get cataracts from tattoo'd eyeliner and they said that cataracts are genetic. my grandma had cataracts (and also tattoo'd eyeliner) and i was trying to see if she got them from her tattoo'd eyeliner but it said they were genetic and tattoo'd eyeliner wasn't connected to cataracts. *CLAPS* MORE SHIT TO LOOK FORWARD TO!.. seeing as i also got apnea genetically. i haven't found anything passed down genetically that actually puts me at an advantage yet. call me "ungrateful" or wtf you need to look good to your in-laws but until you were kicked by your dad because your mom used your body as a shield to block the kicks- WHATEVER THE HELL YOU HAVE TO SAY DOESN'T MEAN A DAMN THING TO ME. my flashback dreams along with the multiple bowel surgeries i've had in my life PROVE IT. if you condone this shit and say i'm crazy- you clearly don't care about ME as a person and you should stop reading my blog and talking to and/or about me. i'm not some source of entertainment for losers who don't have anything better to do rather than read what's going on with people they don't like or care about. go screw yourselves, flying monkeys.

traumatic BRAIN injury does NOT equal stupid. *GASP*

i'm gonna address the elephant in the room (it feels like i've brought this up MANY times before because i've been doing it so long)- i do my range of motion exercises at the counter EVERY single day. followed by lifting weights and my neck stretches along with my range of motion exercises in BED EVERY NIGHT. proof of that would be that i'd be in MUCH WORSE condition if i hadn't. going to a place that doesn't want me to progress because of LIABILITY bullshit is the LEAST of my priorities. so they can continue looking like they ACTUALLY HELP clients get stronger. just so assholes who can't give me the time of day and/or even answer the fuckin phone when the emergency room calls them can LOOK LIKE THEY ACTUALLY give a fuck about me and/or support me and/or whatever else bullshit you honkeys are into. i can't even count on ANY of my friends to check in how i'm doing- they'd much rather read my blog and criticize my life. I KNOW YOU LIKE TO THINK YOUR SHIT DON'T STANK BUT LEAN A LITTLE BIT CLOSER.. ROSES REALLY SMELL LIKE POO OO OO. what comes around, goes around, sucka. maybe i'm just being paranoid about the friends thing but when NONE of your friends reach out to you for probably around.. 10 years or so.. you start to think. i wonder if they're stuck on "respect your elders" bullshit and they don't wanna talk to someone who talks about how their parents treated them and since it wasn't the typical loving/supportive family relationship.. they don't know what to say to me because they haven't experienced it themselves to have an opinion? people don't consider other people like that.. so i kinda doubt it. but SHIT ON ME for ACTUALLY wanting to live life like a NORMAL, CONSTRUCTIVE WORKING CITIZEN of this country. RIGHT AMANDA? WTF MAKES ME THINK I BELONG ANYWHERE OTHER THAN COURAGE KENNY?! MY DAMN RESUME- THAT'S WHAT. i DO have work experience that i managed to get.. was harder for me than the average bear to get but I GOT IT. next time you wanna attempt to make yourself ACTUALLY look like you care for me by neglecting EVERYTHING i've done (i even have cell phone videos of me walking at courage kenny when i went there at least 10 yrs ago on FACEBOOK to prove it since you obviously would rather backtrack my life so you can look super kewliez to your physical therapist in-law!)- DON'T. CUT THE BULLSHIT. you can't even return any of my calls or answer the phone for the emergency room when they call you- I COULD BE DEAD. doesn't concern you since i don't regress my abilities and attend courage kenny! seriously- just butt the fuck out. you and my mom just want me to backtrack my progress so i'm distracted and too old and frail to move where i ACTUALLY WANT to live. my mom because misery loves company and she doesn't wanna see someone who dealt with basically the same shit she did- do better than her, because it'd prove how lazy she REALLY is.. and amanda because then she'd feel better about not helping me do what she told her aunt she'd do. YOU DICKS TREAT ME LIKE I'M A COMPLETE MORON WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS. JUST STOP. JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A BRAIN INJURY DOES NOT MAKE ME STUPID. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. *GASP* SORRY FOR INCONVENIENCING YOU WITH ACTUALLY CARING ABOUT WHO AND WHAT I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR MY LIFE. mind your business, dicks. i've been through MORE shit in life than you could ever handle.