STOP WITH THE BULLSHIT.

alright.. i don't really understand how my family (except joe and jay) expect me to think they care and love for me if they don't show support and/or care for me JUST because i don't share the same goals/interests as them. for example- if it's not white, it's not right to them and ANYTHING ELSE is out of the question and they don't find the need to show care for me (either by ignoring me and not supporting me) or mocking/making fun of me BEHIND MY BACK OF COURSE (like amanda and dustin felt the need to do). then i got those naive people who assume that i'll start acting like they'll convince me to act like they want if they tell me i've "changed".. i've CHANGED? GREAT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CHANGE IF YOU WANNA GET ANYTHING DONE. you don't like it? don't whine and lie to everyone how much you "support" me and just remove me COMPLETELY from your life without ever mentioning me or attempting to change how i think because you don't value who i am- so you assume i'm confused or brain injured- so i don't know what i'm doing. YOU COULDN'T FUCKIN TIE MY SHOES. i've been through MORE shit than you could take or even believe. like i said- the ONLY people who seem to truly love and care for me are joe and jay. loving and caring for me doesn't include stalking me and acting like you talk to me all the time just because i can't take a shit without you reading and talking about it, mom and amy (my sister). you really care for me? mind your business and let me live my life. i've managed to get myself this far and i have absolutely no plans to just stop here, hop in a wheelchair, and mindlessly attend courage kenny (where they DON'T respect me- they underestimate me, so they can continue getting money "helping" me stay IN THE SAME FUCKIN PLACE IN LIFE- HAVING ABSOLUTELY NO PROGRESSION BECAUSE I LACK CARING, KNOWLEDGABLE ADVOCACY WHO WILL JERK THEM OFF AND MAKE SURE I'M ACTUALLY PROGRESSING AND GETTING STRONGER, SO I DON'T LET MY DISABILITY STOP ME FROM LIVING MY LIFE SUCCESSFULLY). i wasted at least 10 years doing that shit- only for them to ignore my progress and even presence at their sorry excuse of a "rehabilitation" facility. i owe ALL my progress to tram holloway, who had the confidence in me to help me get outta my wheelchair- i remember him telling my grandma one day when he was at my apartment in burnsville, helping me with his ARP therapy that he'd have me outta my wheelchair. my grandma laughed sarcastically at him. he helped me get strong enough so i didn't feel a need for my wheelchair and i showed up at the fitness center at courage kenny and the physical therapist there (kevin) told me not to come back to courage kenny without my walker or wheelchair because of "liability". THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF EVEN HELPING A FUCKIN CLIENT WALK AGAIN. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT. KEVIN AND ALL THE OTHER SORRY EXCUSE OF THERAPISTS WHO PREY ON CLIENTS WHO LACK KNOWLEDGABLE ADVOCACY CAN KISS MY ASS. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO AMANDA. YOU DON'T REALLY FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME. YOU JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN LEARN THAT YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW IS A PHYSICAL THERAPIST FOR COURAGE KENNY AND ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE SUPPORTIVE OF ME WASTING MY FUCKING LIFE AND THROWING AWAY EVERYTHING I'VE BUSTED MY ASS TO GET JUST TO MAKE YOU LOOK "SUPPORTIVE" OR "CARING" OR WTF BULLSHIT YOU AND MY MOM TRY TO MAKE YOURSELVES APPEAR. tell me something- WHERE WAS ALL THIS "SUPPORT" WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY FUCKIN ATTENDING THAT DUMP WHEN MY GRANDMA WAS ALIVE?! you can't pull me BACK in my progression in life FOR YOUR FUCKING CONVENIENCE. LIFE DON'T WORK LIKE THAT. I DON'T CARE HOW STUPID AND DISABLED YOU THINK I AM BECAUSE OF MY TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY. GO TREAT YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS THAT WAY. WHAT'S THAT? YOU HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR THEM THAN ME? yeah. that's what i thought. "well what does she want us to do?!" IN CASE YOUR EGO IS TOO DAMN BIG TO SEE THAT I WANT YOU TO TREAT ME AS A NORMAL PERSON AND CARE FOR ME LIKE A FUCKING FAMILY MEMBER. (supporting MY goals and interests and RESPECTING ME)

what's the point of this?

i was thinking and i don't really understand the EXACT purpose of my family's attempt to not support me of MY goals.. no one clearly gives a fuck about me to make my family appear "caring" and "supportive" or wtf bullshit they're aiming for (i'm thinking they're gonna try to get as much money out of my trust as possible.. my grandma probably enticed amanda into agreeing to "advocate" for me because when something happens to me- SHE'LL GET ALL MY MONEY! *rolls eyes* what she failed to predict was that i paid for a will saying everything goes to jay when i die). people assume i'm stupider and more incompetent than i REALLY am. i'll let them think whatever the hell they want because i'm not the idiot depending on getting money from me when something happens to me. i don't have any fatal illnesses or terminal diseases that would kill me yet. BUT PUT ALL THE BETS YOU WANT ON MY LIFE! IF anyone REALLY cared about my well-being- they'd be doing everything they could to see that i was successful at independently and responsibly living life the way I want because this is MY life. i just hope housing comes along faster now that i added another possibility which has shown it will give me more opportunities and hopefully sooner. my mom obviously doesn't give a damn about me- to put your own daughter in front of you when being kicked by the other parent.. what a way to show "care". seriously- go fuck yourself. you're not concerned with my well-being and i hate to break it to you- the only thing you'll see if something bad happens to me because of you is bad consequences.. something will get you. so my suggestion is to just let me live my damn life the way I want because i've managed to get myself this far in life and i'm not stopping here. it's funny that people assume i'm more stupid and unable than i really am. it annoyed me at first but now that i've lost nearly everything- WHAT'S ONE MORE THING?! RIGHT.

espanol

i just got back from spanish. the tutor asked me if they had any translators at sabathani after i told him i volunteered there and i said, "no.. but i have ran into a few people who speak spanish to me when i've answered the phone at sabathani. i've tried my best to talk to them and help them as much as possible in spanish but there are a few times where i haven't been able to help them." then he said, "oh.. interesting." we went on to review words, colors, and numbers. i think i may surprise him sometimes with my knowledge of some of the words- like today when he asked me how i'd say at the end of the hallway.. i got most, if not all (i honestly forget.. i think i may have needed to be started off with final de.. but i got the word "corridor" right away- which i don't think he expected.. like i said- i surprise him and myself of my knowledge of some of the language). so he's probably a little more motivated to help me now that i actually have a real reason of understanding and helping people at my job- so now i'm learning spanish for another purpose. he also recognizes that i just need a little help with the language- then i can get the grasp of it. because like i said before- it's almost like i was interrupted while learning it- so i'm able to communicate some but i didn't get to finish my spanish classes because a car accident which gave me a brain injury interrupted my ability to be fluent in the language. just have to do my best to pick up where i left off.

my finger will probably be messed up for the rest of my life like *EVERYTHING* else!

i got up and seen the hand/plastic surgeon at health partners today. i had seen him before because he was the doctor who gave me the splint for my finger. i said, "well.. my finger looks more big than the other hand's middle finger." then he said, "oh.. yeah.. it'll probably look swollen for a while longer because of the tone in your fingers.." (i have tone in my fingers from the car accident i was in- not EVERYONE who was in the car accident was alright after just a day or two in the hospital and some minor physical therapy- I DIDN'T HAVE ALCOHOL IN MY BODY TO PARALYZE MY IMMUNE SYSTEM). i have to wear a damn hand splint EVERY night so my hands don't close up again before i had them casted open surgically and after MANY shots of botox in them. it's kinda amazing how some people feel they need to be ignorant in order to be supportive. amazing.. and sad.. if you actually cared to have the knowledge of the HELL i've had to endure because of the mistake to get in a vehicle with a drunk driver (BUT HE'S MARRIED, WALKING, HAVING CHILDREN, AND LIVING LIFE CARELESSLY!). i should go to church because i need to learn how to forgive when it cost me more than you'll EVER know/experience. RIGHT CATHY? THE EVIL IN ME MIGHT GO AWAY JUST LIKE YOUR PERFECT SON AND REST OF YOUR FAMILY!.. shit- talk about getting fucked for associating with the wrong people. it takes two to tango though. so i'm taking responsibility of my shitty ass choices too. i was thinking about this a long time ago and i believe that EVERYONE that you come across in life have a purpose.. God does everything for a reason. i'm just trying to figure out his intentions for my life still. just because i supposedly got compensated for being in the accident does NOT mean that it paid for everything i lost. i may never drive again thanks to your son. among other things i may never do again. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER! AS LONG AS I GOT PAID IN COURT! *rolls eyes* shut the fuck up. i've also had many falls, so i'm forced to depend on a cane (which doesn't always help), i've also had a few seizures a long time ago but NONE OF THAT MATTERS AS LONG AS YOU HAD TO PAY ME IN COURT! that makes me evil and i need to go to church!.. i don't think that's how it works. considering Jesus stands for the vulnerable and getting injured and almost killed makes ME vulnerable! (thanks to YOUR son.. so i guess that may determine where he ends up after he dies.. i suppose he could do a bunch of hail mary's because you're catholic if i remember right.. so God may be easier on him then?) i feel like a sunday school teacher explaining this to the devil. do you get my drift? this feels kinda like having to explain to an emotionally immature parent about their responsibilities of being a CARING parent to her or her flying monkey nieces and daughter. reason why i don't think i'll be looking to reproduce.. i don't wanna pass the generational trauma on. it stops here.

life keeps moving..

i got up and got ready for an interview at another hotel in burnsville. i haven't been there in a while, so it looked different considering i USED to live there and was forced to pretty much waste away all my potential for people who only care about appearing "caring" to other people, so i didn't get much work experience until i finally moved from that dump. it must have been on a different side of the city from which i used to live at, although if it's around where cub foods USED to be located before they tore it down(like i'm pretty sure it is- i remember going to that part of the city for groceries in my wheelchair all the time and going to the taco bell in that area also). when i got there, i walked to the front desk and told the guy at the front desk i was there for an interview, then some other short lady walked up to the counter and she asked me, "are you interviewing for housekeeping?" haha.. that's the first question they ALWAYS ask me. probably because a lot of housekeepers for hotels are typically little mexican ladies. i said, "no. front desk." then she said that she'd have to interview me since the lady who scheduled the interview with me was out of the office for the day, so another lady interviewed me. she said to me almost right away, "i see you're living in st. paul.. so that's close.." they must have a lot of other people who live far away applying for the job because i iniatially thought they'd make that a reason not to hire me (because i was located too far away). i guess it wasn't THAT long of a ride though. one of the only reasons they may not hire me is because i don't have hotel experience but i hope the jobs i've worked/volunteered for dealing with hospitality make me look more qualified. i hope they'll consider my previous work experience when deciding whether or not to hire me because another hotel said the same thing about me lacking hotel experience but they noted that i worked jobs in hospitality.. so it was basically the same thing. she also went out of her way to mention they're looking for people who are good with computers and she seen my data entry experience, i hope she sees that i took classes in college for information systems management.. so i'm also good with computers. i believe she said she'd get back to me by monday or tuesday if i got the job.
i pretty much just came to the realization of why my family isn't supportive of my goals (except joe). they aren't personally familiar with the goals i have and so they can only support me to do things they're familiar with. THIS IS MY LIFE. i didn't go through ALL the shit i've been through just to live off social security in some small town, chainsmoking, drinking pepsi, and talking to my dogs. sound familiar, mom? i realize i have MORE potential than that and if you can't support or even encourage me- i don't see ANY reason to stay in contact with you. GO CRY TO GRANDMA'S FRIENDS, OUR FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ARE ACTUALLY WILLING TO LISTEN TO YOUR SHIT, and anyone else even willing to waste their time listening to an egotistical, negative, and entitled sad excuse of a mom. you're probably just upset that you can't cause any more problems in my life (two surgeries and excruciating abdominal pain come to mind WHICH YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR.. the other parent who did the kicking, is dead.. so God took care of him- you didn't need to bring me into the fight between you and my dad- you should've tried to remove me from the quarrel as soon as possible.. NOT USE MY BODY AS A FUCKING SHIELD WHEN MY DAD WAS KICKING YOU- were your flying monkeys there? DID THEIR MOM USE THEM AS A SHIELD WHEN THEIR DAD WAS KICKING THEM? NO. SO CAN IT. my dreams reminiscing being kicked by my dad because of YOU and the bowel surgeries along with the immense bowel pain PROVE IT). i'm NOT thanking your stupid ass for taking care of me after my car accident because i remember hearing you whine to grandma how you didn't wanna take care of me and i remember being left ALONE while i was wheelchair dependant at your old apartment. SO NO. YOU CAN BOTH GO SCREW YOURSELVES- THAT INCLUDES YOUR FESTIVELY PLUMP DAUGHTER. call me ungrateful or wtf bullshit you want but it doesn't mean a DAMN thing until YOUR mom has used your body as a shield while your dad was kicking her and expects you to throw away EVERYTHING you've busted your ass off for to get where you are.
i got a text message from another apartment in massachusetts to respond to their waiting list on the housing program. i have about 13 or 14 days to get back to them. the ics worker said she'll help me send the response back but i'm thinking it'll probably take a while going through the mail- so she said she'll help me respond electronically when she gets to my apartment in about 15 minutes for my ics session.

Thanks for not doing your job.

i was doing something on my couch this afternoon and the battery fell out of the back of my health alert. i pressed the button on the health alert machine to tell them i needed a new necklace/button.. no one answered me on the machine, so i just went on a walk in the hallway with fredrick like i do every day. then someone called me on my cell phone, asking if i pressed my button. i told him i pressed the button because i need a new necklace /button since mine fell apart. the guy said he'd connect me who to talk to and it kept ringing until i got a message saying they closed at 4 every day (it was 4:12- so i'm sure the guy who connected me to them knew they were closed and just wanted to get off the phone with me). i've had to press the button because i couldn't breathe at night before- oh well.. maybe i'll stop breathing again when the necklace isn't working so i can get away from all these selfish, narcissistic fucks attempting to make themselves look good to everyone else. my will says that everything goes to jay anyway.

are you sure about that?

i was just thinking and laughing to myself about how my sister and jessiy probably hope they can make me empathetic and caring about how my mom is doing, to make her my responsibility and/or to bring us magically together to "care" for her!.. a few problems with that- i remember ALL the pain i had to go through in account of her stupid ass holding me in front of my dad while he was kicking her. it's NOT something i can forget. i screamed in pain because my abdomen was giving me so much pain right before my last surgery on my bowel because it was blocked. i'm kinda surprised i didn't get kicked out of this apartment.. until i got the pain meds for the abdomen pain until i finally had surgery. i'll make my mom go through the SAME pain i had to endure. BUT YEAH! SHOW YOUR MOM AND AUNT HOW MUCH YOU CARE!.. if you guys had brains- you might be genius (but i doubt it considering one of you can't even get your ged- i don't think she made it past the 7th or 8th grade.. i may be giving her too much credit though). i'm not positive why i'm making this post.. something must be bound to happen to the mother from hell soon. huh.. oh well.
i have another interview tomorrow at some hotel. i hope that someone realizes my persistency and hard work i've done. again.. i'm not sure if they'll say i live too far away but they wouldn't have scheduled an in-person interview with them in the first place if they were concerned about that.

we'll see..

that interview went better than i expected. the lady who was interviewing me asked me what i'm doing right now, i told her that i'm volunteering at sabathani community center and she asked me what i did there, i told her that i answered phones and directed people where they need to go in the community center and answered questions for people that need various resources. then i told her about my work history before that. i said, "well.. i used to be doing data entry but it got boring.. just sitting there on a computer- i like interacting with people and helping them." then the lady said, "OH I KNOW! THAT'D BE BORING! KIDS THESE DAYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE! THEY'RE ALWAYS WITH THEIR HEADS DOWN, TEXTING AND ON GAMES!" then i laughed and said, "yeah.. i know what you're talkin about." then i got her card and she said she'd get back to me at the end of the week or monday. i also might have HOPEFULLY scored points when she said she seen i was from st. paul and i didn't live far away from the car place. LUCKILY my lyft ride didn't take long to pick me up and i think i only had to wait 5 minutes or so to be picked up. i got to the interview on time also. that'd probably be the only reason- besides finding someone else- they wouldn't hire me- because my driver's license expired and i got it revoked since no one cares about me enough to help me get it back so i have the appropriate resources and qualifications to live a productive, successful life. i'm not pussyfooting around this topic- that's EXACTLY why. (and OBVIOUSLY no one cares.. because i'm still licenseless after TWENTY FOUR FUCKING YEARS)
so i'm almost positive that my sister reads my blog like it's the newspaper- hoping that she'll magically turn into me since i managed to fuck up my life and i'm slowly making steps to get it back. i'm sure she's looking to see if there's any shortcuts that could help her skip over all the hard work it took to get where i am (i don't get credit for any of it, because it's not directly beneficial to anyone probably)- THERE'S NO SHORTCUTS, FATSY. go get your damn ged, so jobs will actually hire you without having a great-uncle to give you a referral to the job.. you're just lucky jeff actually was nice enough to put up with your shit. you probably fucked that up though- i haven't spoke to you in a long time.. so you're probably scrounging off of mom's social security- talking about how you're gonna get your ged and not even taking the steps to get it. grandma helped me get to where i am today, she tried to help you but ended up getting physically pushed on her ass by you after she stuck up for you when your monkey ass boyfriend was trying to push you around at my apartment a while ago when she was still alive. so i have absolutely NO desire to help your fat ass. same with mom. she used me as a shield when my dad was drunk and mad, so he kicked her but I was the one who really felt it because she had me in her arms- so she held me up (trying to naively tell him that he should calm down but actually trying to shield her dumb ass from his kicks). i have had at least TWO surgeries on my bowel so far and dreams reminising this shitty parenting and the mother from hell has never denied it either.. too much proof. FUCK YOU AND HER. if jessiy's stupid ass is looking for someone empathetic enough to care for my mom (since she cared for me after my car accident)- SHE HAS ANOTHER THING COMING.. YOU care for your crazy aunt if you're that damn concerned about her. i can barely take care of my damn self- I DON'T NEED SOME NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE WHO DOESN'T CARE FOR ME ANYWAY TO DRAG ME DOWN TO HER DAMN LEVEL. sometimes you gotta be "ungrateful" to actually live a fulfilled life which you can actually survive.

OH YEAH!

oh good! i read just now that the interview i have tomorrow is actually for a receptionist for a car dealership! i got the impression that "superstore" meant like a clothing store where you donate to. in the back of my mind- i wondered why i applied for this job. now i understand.

occupado

i have two interviews coming up this week. although i kinda get the feeling that the interview tomorrow will be just like the one for goodwill i had where they asked me if i had any retail experience and at first i said, "yeah" but then i remembered that it probably wasn't retail experience. so they instantly told me i couldn't work there. or.. they'll just take one look at me and underestimate me like everyone else does- telling me that i probably wouldn't work well at the job. then i have another interview on thursday at a hotel. i don't know if they'll count me out right away either because i live far away from there.. i think it's about 30 minutes. considering when i used to live in that city i couldn't find any employers around where i lived to get a job. but they must have some sort of interest in me, seeing as they DID contact me for an in-person interview on thursday. just gotta keep my head up.

don't take sleep away from me now..

fredrick spoke to the technician on the phone just now about my cpap. he couldn't get it working, so he said that they told him i could get it fixed when i bring it in to their offices on the 21st of next month. so just about 3 more weeks of dragging ass until a possible solution. oh well- just mark it off for ANOTHER thing i can't do.. i can't walk properly without falling (reason why i use a cane), i can't drive anymore (i failed the damn cognitive test and no one is willing to help me get coaches to help me pass it so i can actually drive BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ENOUGH TO HELP ME ARRANGE IT- TRUST ME, I'VE TRIED ASKING ABOUT IT COUNTLESS FUCKING TIMES), people think i'm an idiot that can't do things just so they can appear they actually have a purpose in life. it doesn't help having entitled ignorant family members either. the only person who seems to spend his time and effort on me shouldn't have the responsibility of being the ONLY person who advocates and cares for me.. it's almost like my family (except joe) view my presence as a total inconvenience and burden to them when it doesn't benefit them or make them look good! you're a moron if you don't see why i've never had the desire to remain in the same area as them. i'm relatively far away from their entitled asses now, so i suppose it's alright for now.. there's always room to improve and get further away from the mother from hell who more than likely doesn't have much time left anyway considering her lifestyle. if you don't wanna try to live healthily like you actually care about yourself- why the hell should i waste my time even associating with you considering rotten grapes spread their rot the closer you are. not my responsibility. especially since you risked my body to protect yourself from getting kicked- which in result has lead to at least two serious bowel surgeries. never to apologize or take accountability for it. if you think you can get away selfishly putting your own flesh in blood at risk- i don't find any reason to deal with you anymore at all. get that through your fucking head. or are you too mentally handicapped to understand that? maybe your fat daughter will beat sense into you. "what about how she took care of you after the car accident you were in?" GRANDMA MADE HER, FLYING MONKEY. i heard my mom whining to my grandma on the phone about how she wanted to go out and she didn't like taking care of me. I'M NOT STUPID LIKE YOU. I REALIZE HOW FUCKING SELFISH AND NARCISSISTIC SHE IS. like i said.. rotten grapes spread their rot.. SHE'S ROTTED YOU TOO, FLYING MONKEY. i don't have time for this shit. i have a life to live of MY OWN. i'm aware that God didn't put me on this earth FOR MY MOM'S OWN GOOD. SHE HAS TO MAKE HER OWN RELEVANCE. NO ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE OF CARING FOR HER BUT HERSELF. "IT'S YOUR LIFE.. LIVE IT HOW YOU WANT!" WTF HAPPENED TO THAT LIE, MOTHER FROM HELL? it's not my fault that everyone refuses to make their own fucking lives to actually feel relevant. I GET SHIT ON FOR TRYING TO MAKE MY OWN LIFE. i don't want anything to do with you rotten grapes. i'm not here for your amusement.

CAN'T SLEEP- OH WELL! NOT ANYONE'S PROBLEM BUT *MINE*, SO WHO CARES?!

i lay in bed each night/morning with my damn eyes closed, attempting to fall asleep for hours on end. some cpap technician called me at about 2:20 and i told them that my ics wasn't at my apartment yet since they wanted to talk to a pca or ics worker. since fredrick told me he'd be here at 3 or 3:30.. the ics worker told me they'd be here at 2:30- so the technician to help me with the cpap said they'd call me back in 5 minutes since the ics CLAIMED they'd be here at 2:30 which they coincidentally came at like 2:40 and abdul was the ics worker working with me so he took his damn time to get to my apartment (it was 2:40) and he used the excuse of being short-handed- so he couldn't come til 2:40 when he came and we can't get ahold of the cpap technician. SO I'LL CONTINUE TAKING FOREVER TO FALL ASLEEP- HOPEFULLY I'LL JUST STOP BREATHING SO I DON'T HAVE TO DRAG ASS ALL DAY. no one cares- THAT'S WHY IT'S BEEN BROKEN SO DAMN LONG. i honestly haven't had a working cpap for at least 2 or 3 months now. the lady is talking to fredrick on the phone now though. so hopefully they actually get this working for me.

i remember why i don't really enjoy it now.

i was just remembering how my debit card hasn't mysteriously been working (i assume it's because i hit my limit for this month EVEN THOUGH I DON'T BELIEVE I BOUGHT THAT MANY THINGS). then i remembered how my lyft account also coincidentally doesn't have any money left (i think til september 1? hopefully..). has amy and matt been coordinating for my debit card to pay for my lyft rides when INSURANCE IS SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR TRANSPORTATION- ESPECIALLY SINCE I DON'T HAVE A METRO MOBILITY CARD ANYMORE OR A DRIVER'S LICENSE. i would more than likely have got the job i just interviewed for IF i had better transportation since the lady i interviewed with seemed so sure i'd be a good front desk worker and already tried to see what days and times would work for my schedule (she went out of her way to compliment me on how easy of a person i was to talk to).. then i was forced to wait over an hour for a return ride from the hotel- which i can guarantee you did NOT score me any points. thanks a lot jackasses and i DO mean BOTH of you- you're more than likely the reason why i'll remain depending on social security MY WHOLE FUCKIN LIFE).
i got up at like 7 and got ready for the day today, then fredrick came to my house and made me breakfast and we went and picked up his friend and his friend's son (they went to the fair with us last year also) and we went to the minnesota state fair. it was good to get out. i don't really remember anything too significant at the fair this year except remembering exactly what i hate when i go to the fair walking all fuckin day. my damn legs and stomach were hurting because i walked so long, that i just eventually threw my cane pissed off because my legs and stomach hurt me so bad and i was hot as hell. i don't remember falling- probably because fredrick was there to make sure i didn't- but we found some benches to sit at for a few minutes. the only thing i really did at the fair this year was eat a hotdog and so i really don't see anything great about that place anymore. i guess it's fun to get out every now and then though.