you REALLY thought you'd get away with this shit?!

alright.. i just think it's ridiculous that my mom could think that she has ANY influence on where i end up in life. first of all- she REALLY doesn't care. she used to tell me, "IT'S YOUR LIFE! LIVE IT HOW YOU WANT!" so i'm really thinking that fat amy and her flying monkey neices convinced my mom to act like she ACTUALLY cares about me- although.. if she did ACTUALLY care about me- she'd be encouraging me to be as successful and independent as i can to help me get to where I want in life since this IS MY LIFE. a person learns from their damn mistakes, you idiots. i wouldn't intentionally make the SAME mistakes.. that's just stupid. grandma recognized this and foolishly put her confidence in her niece to help me but failed to recognize that she has her own life and she couldn't give a fuck about me. my mom obviously views her relationship as an optional-care/love situation as she does it whenever it's convenient and beneficial for her. THAT'S NOT HOW PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO ACT. I'M NOT EVEN A FUCKING PARENT AND I'M SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT. the only reason why she wants me near her is so she can get attention for people assuming she's a "caring" and "supportive" parent which SHE CAN'T EVEN FUCKING SPELL THE WORD "SUPPORT" OFF THE TOP OF HER DAMN HEAD. your stupid ass did NOT have me so i could just serve and benefit you your whole life. God put me here for a purpose and it was NOT FOR YOUR FUCKING BENEFIT. i have a life too, idiot. GO WORSHIP YOUR FAVORITE YOUNGER DAUGHTER. SHE'S ALREADY RUINED HER LIFE AND IS DEPENDANT ON YOU. i'm just gonna make everyone realize how fucking selfish and incompetent of a parent you really are if you don't mind your fuckin business. same goes for tubs. go get your damn ged and make yourself useful, so you can actually pay for all those damn kids you have. that's what i don't get.. i complain enough about you idiots on my blog and you care enough to read it all the time but you still don't correct yourselves. it's like.. you're stupid? you really don't have anything better to do with your lives but read about someone who complains about how stupid you are. probably because you're both narcissists who like to read about their stupid asses just because someone cares enough about them to basically waste their time complaining about them. proof that my mom is only acting like she cares about me too much for me to live MY life the way I want would also be how she used MY BODY WHEN MY DAD WAS KICKING HER STUPID ASS AS A SHIELD. proof of that would be the two surgeries i've had to have on my bowel so far.. i distinctly remember the doctors asking my grandma after i had the FIRST surgery on my bowel, "was she hit in the abdomen region before she started having these pains?" my grandma LIED and CONDONED her and she told me that was around the time when my dad was kicking my mom when he was drunk and violent- SO IT'S ONLY LOGICAL FOR MY MOM TO SELFISHLY BRING ME INTO HER CONFLICT BECAUSE NO ONE GAVE A FUCK OTHERWISE WHEN HE WAS BEATING ON HER! SO JUST BRING YOUR INFANT DAUGHTER INTO THE FIGHT AND USE HER BODY AS A SHIELD WHILE HE'S KICKING YOU! MOTHER OF THE YEAR! she honestly couldn't even handle taking care of her own children responsibly so me and my brother stayed at my grandparents' house around the time i was 12-16.. her other daughter lived with her but ended up getting pregnant at 12 years old! MOTHER OF THE YEAR! i hope it's obvious why i chose to live with my grandparents over her. she doesn't care about anyone but herself and her dogs. she should've just stuck to having dogs and stayed on birth control (which i'm not even sure she has been on at any time in her life.. probably not). she's NEVER apologized or even brought up using me as a shield when my dad kicked her (i can totally understand WHY he was kicking her- there have been a lot of times where i've also wanted to kick her). if she apologized now- i'm not sure it would be genuine since it's been so long.. so i highly doubt i'd accept it. the mother from hell doesn't care about anyone but herself though! why should she apologize?! *rolls eyes* that's also the reason i got PTSD from her. my therapist diagnosed me with it after i started having dreams reminiscing why i had to have all those surgeries on my bowel around the time when i had my second surgery on my bowel.. so she did give me something- PTSD! i still have that dream every now and then. thanks asshole. if anyone actually gave a damn about me- they'd be helping me to get out of the area where i got traumatized.. which happens to be another reason why i've never really wanted to be around my mom. me and my therapist figured that out a while ago. SO CONTINUE NOT CARING ABOUT ME TO ACTUALLY HELP ME FROM BEING TRAUMATIZED! "YOU GOT THIS!".. that's the ridiculous excuse of "support" i'm expected to receive gratefully. what exactly do i "GOT"?! PTSD? nightmares? thanks! so caring! I CAN TELL I'M REALLY LOVED HERE! if i make it without doing something to intentionally get myself killed- it may be a miracle considering the LACK of "care" and "support" i see from my family (except joe- who seems to be the only family member who actually makes the effort to communicate and support me). YOU GOT THIS! you just prove to everyone who's actually sane how my family really doesn't give a fuck about me! (i remember what the doctor (i just seen to write the note for me to drive again) asked me, "what about your family?" IF THEY ACTUALLY FUCKIN CARED ABOUT ME- I'D HAVE MY DAMN DRIVER'S LICENSE TWENTY TWO FUCKING YEARS AFTER THE ACCIDENT WHICH GAVE ME A TBI!)

jobs

well- i was bored and i remember my therapist bringing up a website to look up on google to look for non-profit jobs, so i searched it. i had to use my cell phone to register for it and i applied to one job so far. i'll probably look for more later when i get bored.

no transportation *CONTINUES* to F me.

i was supposed to have spanish today but i called my tutor, luis and i told him that i didn't have a ride to class today because i didn't have anymore lyft money left until next month (hopefully). LUCKILY he understood and told me we could have class next week. i tried to look for the transportation numbers the doctor gave me when she refused to write a note saying i could drive but i could always take a cool SHUTTLE BUS! *rolls eyes* the ics worker couldn't find the numbers today either because i told her i couldn't find them. not having a way for transportation fucks me. it also reminds me how my family doesn't give a fuck about me enough to make sure i have ALL the resources to help me be truly happy and constructive. it's like they won't be satisfied until i'm six feet under so they can get attention and sympathy or in a fuckin wheelchair hauling my ass back and forth to courage kenny mindlessly not progressing- so they can ALSO get attention and sympathy for having a handicapped family member. honestly.. if they wanna see someone go to fuckin courage kenny so bad- THEY SHOULD JUST GO THERE THEMSELF. what's that? they're too healthy for them to help them? i can say the same thing, seeing as none of my family members are doctors or even in the medical field to have an opinion on what i should do. it's all of a sudden looked down on for actually wanting to contribute to society and work. the lady i interviewed with yesterday said she'd get back to me today if she wanted to give me the job- the only reason why i can honestly think she wouldn't want to hire me is because of my transportation and how i was still waiting at the hotel at least an hour later to be picked up. she should give me points for at least being on time for the interview. it's just because i don't have anymore lyft money this month because i used it all up on interviews this month. i'll get more lyft money next month, so i won't have to worry about transportation if i actually get the job because i'd only use lyft for spanish class and work if i get the job. i also wouldn't even need to worry about lyft if and when i'm in boston because they have trains, buses, taxis, and light rail for transportation. they ACTUALLY have RESOURCES.. so my lack of family support would be irrelevant. so go screw yourself if you're trying to say i won't have anyone to support me when i'm living in the boston area.

LACK of resources are not helpful at all. THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR HAVING PEOPLE NOT CARE ABOUT ME! I GOT THIS! *rolls eyes*

so i went to my interview today- as i said- the lady who interviewed me seemed excited to meet me when she interviewed me but then we ended the interview. since i don't have any money left in my lyft account (i hope until next month)- i had to wait for fredrick to get done with his interview to come back and pick me up. i thought the doctor i seen yesterday gave me a list of transportation resources yesterday when i complained about not having any lyft money in my account- so i wasn't able to get out, but i can't find them.. i'm not sure if i moved them and forgot what i did with them. this is also part of the reason why having a support system that ACTUALLY cares about me would be helpful. it's not convenient for them to assist me to become more able to drive myself, so i get my license to help me get where i need to go to do basic daily activities.. BUT NOPE! IT ONLY MAKES SENSE FOR ME TO GO BACK IN MY PROGRESS IN REHABILITATION AND LIFE SO THE PEOPLE WHO ONLY SHOW CARE FOR ME WHEN IT'S BENEFICIAL AND CONVENIENT FOR THEM TO SEND ME BACK IN MY PROGRESS BECAUSE THEN THE SUPPOSED ADVOCATE CAN LOOK KEWLIEZ AND MORE SUPPORTIVE/CARING TO HER IN-LAWS (WHICH SHE IS NOT.. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME SHE TOOK TIME TO TALK TO ME). people seriously wonder why people get ptsd after their injuries.. MORONS WONDER THAT. lack of support and care are just part of it. i'm not gonna bother lying about how much they "support" me because i don't honestly remember the last time i spoke to anyone from my family (other than joe). you idiots wonder WHY i wanna move to a different state with ALL this support and "care" i see from my family! it's like they're trying to finish the job my narcissistic selfish mom did when she used my body as a shield while being kicked by my dad and ruin my life by refusing to support me. although they haven't caused me to have to go through two serious bowel surgeries like her. that's probably coming. THANKS TO MY "SUPPORT" TEAM FOR LETTING THE ABUSE CONTINUE!
fredrick took me to pick up my new glasses since the ics claimed it was too far and the optician called me the other day saying my new glasses game in. the guy seemed sorta surprised when i first put tried them on after he gave them to me (i'm still trying to decide if it was a good or bad surprise) and i said, "what?" then he said, "oh.. they're just completely DIFFERENT than your previous glasses! wanted to change vibes, hah?" then i said, "heh.. yeah." i think they bring out my eye color. i asked fredrick if he thought the glasses looked good and he said, "yeah." i'm not sure if he's talking outta his ass but at least he didn't really seem like he was kidding after i asked him.

No go

nope. lyft app says it isn't able to verify my payment information. sad that a person who's actually trying to do something with their lives can't because of another person's negligent actions.

Unreliable?

i'm sitting in the lobby of the hotel i just interviewed at and the lady that i just interviewed with seemed really excited to interview me- so the interview went really well. it's just that now that i'm sitting here so long waiting for someone (fredrick) to pick me up- i'm not so sure that she'll hire me because she might assume that i don't have reliable transportation. i think i might just try to call a lyft ride. i don't know if it'll work.. but i'm willing to try anything even though she probably assumes i don't have reliable transportation by now.

i always forget important things.

i just remembered that i should've let the doctor know today that i PAID FOR PRIVATE DRIVING LESSONS MYSELF and he said i was completely SAFE to drive. i was too damn pissed off at courage kenny to remember that.
i have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow. my cousin joe recommended it to me- since he's the only family member that seems to genuinely care about me to suggest other solutions for me to get rehab. he recommended it outta personal experience that actually helped.. UNLIKE amanda and my mom.. and the rest of my family who just takes advantage of my vulnerability, not even caring enough about me to look at other solutions because i've stayed in basically the SAME fuckin place my whole life.
then in the afternoon, i have an interview at some hotel that fredrick said it sounded familiar because he said he thought he'd taken me there before for an interview (i thought this hotel sounded familiar also). i hope they're interested in hiring me this time.

well.. that was USELESS.

i got up at like 7 this morning, so i could go to my first doctor's appointment at the pulmonary doctor for my cpap. then i went straight to the second one to see if the doctor would write me a note, saying my disability didn't prevent me from driving. when i got in there, she asked me what brought me into her office this afternoon.. i told her that i was there to have her write a letter saying my disability didn't prevent me from driving. she folded her hands and said, "well.. it says here that you failed these other tests.." and i said, "that's just because they wanna continue making money off of me hauling myself to courage kenny mindlessly- not progressing so they can continue making money off me." she said, "well, no.. i need to make sure you're safe and so you don't hurt or kill you or anyone else." then i said, "WELL- I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET OUT AND VOLUNTEER FOR SABATHANI COMMUNITY CENTER AND I HAD TO MISS YESTERDAY BECAUSE I RAN OUTTA LYFT MONEY SINCE I'M TRYING TO GET A JOB AND I USED UP ALL MY MONEY TO GO TO INTERVIEWS THIS MONTH." then she said, "well.. i'll have my nurse write out other ways you can use transportation.. have you ever tried using a shuttle bus?" then i said, "I HAD TO LOSE MONEY ON SOME CONCERTS BECAUSE METRO MOBILITY LEFT ME BEFORE I COULD CATCH A RIDE. I'M NOT DOING THAT SHIT." then she said, "no.. i can't sign a letter, i need to make sure you're safe.." then i came back to my apartment and my cell phone rang after i went to the bathroom, it was ics calling to see what i wanted to do for today's session.. i screamed into the phone, "I WANT TO LOOK FOR HOUSING IN BOSTON OR SOME OTHER PLACE THAT ACTUALLY HAS TRANSPORTATION. BECAUSE THIS FUCKING STATE SUCKS WHEN YOU WANNA GO SOMEWHERE." the doctor i seen today was a fill-in doctor for my usual primary care doctor. she honestly didn't help shit but probably make them think i was insane. (considering she DID have a recorder on the table and it recorded me going crazy saying i should just die since i couldn't do anything) these fuckin doctors don't give a shit to help people be more productive and useful. THEY'RE AS FUCKING STUPID AS MY FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE AND JAY). SELFISH FUCKING DICKS. i hope THEY get to a point in life where they want to do something that people won't let them do because they think they're too disabled to. i'm basically USELESS without transportation. which i also mentioned when i was going off today in the doctor's office. it honestly doesn't pay for me to continue living if i can't be productive and useful in my life. then the doctor asked me a question that i looked at her like i wanted to kill her, "what about your family?", i'm pretty sure i screamed at her, "MY FAMILY SUCKS. EVERYTHING IS TOO INCONVENIENT TO HELP ME IF IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD." MY FAMILY IS FULL OF A BUNCH OF SELFISH PRICKS THAT COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME IF IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD TO OTHER PEOPLE. (EXCEPT JOE AND JAY) they don't care and if they pretend they care- it's so they look good to other people- IT'S NOT GENUINE! my family needs to spend their times in fuckin therapy and church. THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN THEMSELVES THEN! crazy, entitled, pricks.
i just remembered that the doctor was taking my blood pressure today and i never have high blood pressure.. although she had to keep taking it because she said the lower number was a little high. my grandma used to have high blood pressure and she'd always say to me, "WATCH OUT! YOU'LL HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE JUST LIKE GRANDMA!" and i'd laugh sarcastically at her because things never get to me to cause me to have high blood pressure and i don't eat foods that give me high blood pressure because my blood pressure was never high. maybe my mom is causing me to have high blood pressure just like she probably caused my grandma to have high blood pressure? that and not being able to drive.. which was what i was at the appointment today for in the first place.

i continue to suffer for other people's decisions.. WHO CARES THOUGH?!

i had another interview today, i got up and got ready for it. i opened my lyft app and i put the address in the destination box, it kept making me go to another payment window, insinuating i was using my credit card and it kept asking me if it was the correct payment method. then finally, fredrick said that he'd just take me to the interview because i'm sure he recognized how important going to interviews is to me. he took me to the hotel the interview was at, i spoke with the person giving the interview about the job and she handed me an application, i filled it out and gave it back to her. she said she'd get back to me in a few days about if i got the job. i didn't get a card from her- so i just need to remember her information. i don't remember making any mistakes during this interview. i'm pretty sure that my lyft app wasn't working because i don't have any money left in my debit card this month because i tried to buy an ice cream on sunday at philando's memorial and it kept giving me problems. hopefully this will be solved next month because it sucks enough having to depend on other people for transportation the way it is- but when it says i can't use the transportation at all- IT REALLY GETS AGGRAVATING. just because i made the mistake of getting in the car with a drunk driver does NOT mean i'm fucked my whole life. apparently it does if i'm living in a place with SPARSE TRANSPORTATION though. oh look! ANOTHER reason why i'm moving to a bigger city with better transportation and more transportation methods. well- it managed to help me get like 3 weeks of interviews. hopefully it'll work properly next month. i can't even volunteer at sabathani today since i get punished for a drunk driver's choices (but good news! at least HE has his driver's license back! why's that? because he's from an actual intelligent state which realizes that people NEED to have a method of transportation to live their lives happily and successfully.. can't count on that from minnesota!). you're a fuckin careless, ignorant, and entitled person if you can't realize exactly why i want to move from a place with basically zero methods of transportation for a disabled individual to actually get out and LIVE THEIR LIVES CONSTRUCTIVELY AND NOT HAULING THEIR ASSES BACK AND FORTH TO A SAD EXCUSE OF A "REHABILITATION INSTITUTE" WHILE THEY OFFER EXACTLY NO PROGRESSION WITH THEIR LIVES BECAUSE THEIR CLIENT DOESN'T HAVE ADVOCACY TO JERK THE PLACE OFF. it's sad that NO ONE has offered me ANY alternatives but to haul my ass back and forth to some sad excuse of a rehabilitation institute.. why's that? BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE! it's not their situation and they could give a fuck less about me- SO I'M ONLY GOOD TO MAKE THEM LOOK "CARING" AND "SUPPORTIVE". go fuck yourselves. you're not even trying to put yourself in MY shoes because IT'S TOO FUCKIN INCONVENIENT FOR ANY OF YOU. IT ALSO DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE GOOD PEOPLE, SO IT'S OUTTA THE QUESTION! you're so stupid that you don't realize it takes more than appearing "supportive" or "caring" to a disabled relative to make you look like good people. you're just wasting your time but IT'S NOT LIKE MY MOM HAS ANYTHING BETTER TO DO! you're too stupid to look into the choices and opportunities for ME.

when will i see the effort?

aisha just got done helping me with my ics session this morning, we found out about acupuncture since i was recommended acupuncture by the only family member i actually trust not out to just help me at their own convenience/for their image. i need a primary care doctor to diagnose me and refer me for acupuncture in order for it to be covered by insurance. that's more work than amanda or any of my other family members (except joe) to help me with- so they just "support" me to go to courage kenny mindlessly even though i've BEEN THERE ALREADY AND THEY DIDN'T HELP ME WITH MY GOALS OF BEING AMBULATORY AND GETTING MY DRIVER'S LICENSE AGAIN. my grandma had to go out and find tram holloway to assist me with his ARP therapy- which actually got me on my feet again because even she seen COURAGE KENNY WAS NOT HELPING ME WITH SHIT. she was the only family member (except joe) that really cared about me and not how they look to other people caring about traditional methods of rehabilitation. seriously.. if any of you dicks ACTUALLY cared about me and ACTUALLY progressing with MY life to help me get to a place where I can actually be satisfied (because it IS MY LIFE! *gasp*)- you'd fuckin put the effort and care in to actually help me.. NOT BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU LOOK GOOD OR "CARING" TO YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW AND IN-LAWS.. TOTALLY IGNORING THE SHIT I'VE ALREADY DONE AND GOTTEN NOWHERE BECAUSE I HAVE A TBI- SO PEOPLE WILL JUST FIGURE I'M MENTALLY HANDICAPPED! i honestly NEVER want to talk to you again if that's your damn goal. IF YOU ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME- YOU'D BE DOING EVERYTHING YOU COULD TO PROVE ME WRONG BUT NOPE! *CRICKETS* you don't have time for me? I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU EITHER. go assume you can take advantage of one of your other fuckin cousins since you obviously care more about them. I REFUSE TO BE ANYTHING LIKE MY MOM. whenever i come across decisions- i honestly do the OPPOSITE of what my mom would do and IT'S GOTTEN ME A HELL OF A LOT FURTHER IN LIFE RATHER THAN IF I'D DO WHAT THAT IDIOT DID OR WOULD DO. amanda should've just taken my grandma's lead and supported me to help me get outta this state and establish a LIFE OF MY OWN. NOW- THE LONGER I'M KEPT FROM BEING WHERE I ACTUALLY WANT TO BE.. THE MORE SHIT I'LL MAKE SURE MY FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE AND JAY) GOES THROUGH. courage kenny should get in trouble for GASLIGHTING me because their stupid asses erased ALL of my history with them. i'm sure it's because they have hopes in me wasting more of my fucking time doing shit i've already done because they're too useless of a facility to actually get people to think they're helpful and go to their pointless ass sorry excuse facilities.

ocupada!

this morning i got a text message from a hotel asking when i'm available for an interview.. i looked at my calendar and i gotta squeeze them in tomorrow in the morning before i go to sabathani. i'm not really sure what interests employers to hire people. i'll just have to keep doing what i'm doing- eventually someone will wanna give me a shot. i just looked at my calendar and i have an interview scheduled on every day of this week so far, except for friday when i have spanish. i guess this might be further evidence that employers tend to discriminate against disabled workers.. i have work experience and college experience- employers aren't interested in hiring me for some reason. there may be more qualified workers sometimes but after a while- you really start to get suspicious. i'm DONE with mindlessly going to courage kenny- getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE and just being treated like i'm dispensable. just because i made one mistake in my life does NOT mean i should be fucked for the rest of it. i'm not even entertaining the thought of anything other than my goals anymore. JUST SETTLING has gotten me absolutely NOWHERE and i'm put on this damn Earth for more than making some egotistical-negative-selfish people look GOOD.. so in other words- i was put on this Earth for more than making my family (except joe and jay) look good. they are the number one reason why i wanna get out of this state. that and there's more opportunities other places to help me be successful. the fact that my family refuses to acknowledge the fact that i want more with my life other than to make them look good is pretty damn sad. they need ME to make THEM look like good people. ridiculous. they're too stupid to realize how stupid and sad that really is. go to church. maybe you'll find a purpose in life other than attempting to falsely make it appear like you're "caring" or wtf else bullshit you're aiming for.

remembering phil

i woke up today, got ready for the day and had ics in the morning. then i had some lunch and fredrick brought me to central honors philando at the fairgrounds (i'm pretty sure anyway, it's just down the same street from the apartment i used to live at right before the one i am living in now). i had a good time as usual, although i always feel like i never help enough.. i'm pretty sure that valerie (philando's mom) appreciated me just being there though. she recognized me right away. so that felt good to at least be relevant enough in someone's memory that i'm pretty sure the only time i really see her is when i volunteer for her son's memorial. she has the spirit of all mothers who've had sons murdered and fights hard for her son's memory. she has the fighting spirit of christina wells wonsley.. they both are fighting for the murders of their sons. valerie's outcome has already happened but she also has to deal with the loss of her own son. i can remember my grandma telling me how she never thought she'd have to bury a son (when my uncle todd died) and she was all depressed. then my uncle troy found out he had throat cancer and she was already depressed about my other uncle dying, so she told me that she didn't wanna bury two sons. well- she died before troy did.. so she didn't have to bury TWO sons. it must be hard as hell to bury your own kid (that IS of course- if you ACTUALLY CARE about them.. and i don't mean at your convenience or for attention, mom). it's great that valerie actually cares about her son (on the other hand) enough to make a memorial scholarship in his memory to help another person through school. must be nice to have parents who actually care about you. that does not mean for my mom to act clingy and obsessive with me- CARE requires TIME AND ACTUAL LOVE AND RESPECT FOR A PERSON.. if she actually cared about me- SHE'D BE SUPPORTIVE OF MY GOALS AND NOT JUST ACT LIKE SHE CARES FOR ATTENTION. she obviously doesn't care because IF she DID actually care- I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO HAVE TWO SURGERIES ON MY BOWEL AS A RESULT OF HER USING ME AS A SHIELD WHEN MY DAD WAS KICKING HER. my dreams and surgeries show not only her negligence but also her SELFISHNESS as a parent. she's never denied using me as a shield TO MY FACE (i'm sure her stupid ass lies to people denying she used me as a shield though), i'm not sure if it's because she's ashamed of herself (but that would require the mother from hell to actually have a heart.. so that probably isn't it) or because i refuse to talk to her selfish, entitled ass. so she lies to her stupid flying monkey nieces and whines to them.. THAT AIN'T GONNA GET ME TO TALK TO YOUR DUMB ASS. THAT'S NOT GONNA SOLVE SHIT. she's too stupid to understand that though.. she's used to people thinking she has a mental disability and giving her everything she wants. not gonna happen here. you've cost me WAY too much pain to let shit slide. we may never speak again, considering she can't even apologize to me. it wouldn't be genuine now anyway. BUH-BYE. people wonder why i've been through all the shit i've been through- LOOK AT WHERE I CAME FROM. honestly. i understand why i was diagnosed with PTSD.