IDENTITY

i'm PRETTY SURE i figured out how my identity may have got stolen. i had the idea that someone was trying to con/scam me into giving them personal information yesterday after someone from my bank called me saying they worked for my bank and they had reports of someone in texas attempting to withdraw money from my account. then i said, "i haven't even been to texas in my life. it's not me." MAYBE i was in texas for a few hrs when i was an infant crossing the border but i obviously don't remember. after i got off the phone with the person who claimed they were from my bank, i started to wonder if THEY were in fact from my bank.. so i emailed the lady in charge of my money and she ended up emailing me back, saying that she didn't see any weird charges and it was good that i was so suspicious of my account. i just looked in the box on the floor next to my couch to see if i could find my little iradescent book with all my ID's in it (my old driver's license, social security card, and security id for the convention center when i worked the superbowl experience) in my purse and i can't find the book. i'm not sure if the book fell out in the box but not from what i can see. so that MAY be how someone managed to steal my identity. i'm not really sure why in the hell anyone would wanna steal MY identity but people are stupid these days. it's not like i have a house, driver's license (so obviously no vehicle), kids, paying job, or anything else people might want- so they're just wasting their fuckin time. losers. i gotta go to spanish class in like a half an hour, then from there i'm heading STRAIGHT to my other interview because it's closer to my spanish class then it is to my apartment. i need to check to see if i have everything for the interview. my job coach gave me a good tip for what to avoid saying if they ask me something- i used it my last interview and i feel like they're probably more interested in hiring me than if i would've said the thing my job coach told me not to say because it's like i was telling the person what to do in a negative connotation. now i'm just gonna make sure i have everything for spanish and my interview..

another one down.

i just got back from another interview at another hotel. the guy who was interviewing me actually seemed interested in hiring me if i think back to the interview. he asked me where i lived and i told him, "st. paul.." i wasn't sure if he'd say it was too far away but he actually said, "OH! so you're not too far away then!" and i said, "not really." so at least he thought the distance was something he could work with. the hotel was a nice little hotel in the city and i wouldn't mind working there. the guy who interviewed me actually went out of his way when i could hear back from them on whether they were gonna hire me- 3 days. hopefully that's a good sign also. just gotta think optimistically because thinking everything will go wrong won't get me anywhere. i also have another interview tomorrow at another hotel, this interview is a little later than the one today was. it's also closer. we'll see though. i'm eager to work at a hotel. i just hope that someone realizes that and sees the persistence and work i'm willing to put in. the people at this hotel didn't assume i was interviewing for a housekeeping role either.. i don't think anyway.

wasted teenage years..

the MAIN reason why i say that tim doesn't have integrity is because even though he told me about how he lectured his sister about saying things about me.. why is his mom so comfortable with completely DISREGARDING all the shit i've had to go through on account of her son? I ALMOST FUCKING DIED. SIX MONTHS IN A COMA WHERE THE DOCTORS DID ADVISE MY GRANDMA AND MOM TO UNHOOK THE LIFE SUPPORT BECAUSE IF AND WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE COMA- I'D BE A VEGETABLE. my grandma was a stubborn bitch like me, so she told them if God wanted me the day of the accident- he'd have taken me. so after my whole remaining high school years (junior and senior) in a wheelchair plus more.. i finally got my ass outta that stupid wheelchair (which was probably more for the sympathy of my family). i realize that tim is surrounded by naive, selfish people who don't care about what i went through on account of tim (his stupid sister did bring up to me, "well you shouldn't have got in the car when you knew he was drunk." WE WERE YOUNG and i'm positive if i'd have called my grandpa for a safe ride home- he would've either had another heart attack and/or said, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN NEW YORK?!" but my grandpa actually had INTEGRITY- so he'd have done anything and everything he could've to get me home SAFELY. so you shouldn't be talking about my stupidity of getting in the car with a DRUNK DRIVER when it wouldn't have been a problem if your smart ass brother wasn't underage DRINKING AND DRIVING in the first place).
i have that interview at some hotel in about two hours or so. my job coach just called me and asked me if i wanted to go through anything before the interview- i feel like i usually have went through what i should say before other interviews.. i'm not sure if there's anything more that'll help me. hopefully they don't discriminate against me. i don't really think they will (now that i think of it) considering THEY were the ones who contacted ME about this job first. so hopefully that shows their desire to hire me. i can't get too overconfident though.. i'll probably be let down by the results if i do. huh.. i should be prepared for people at the hotel to just assume i'm interviewing for a housekeeping role since little latinas are typically hotel housekeepers. i think i've ran into that assumption the past two interviews AT LEAST. latinas just must be willing to do the hard jobs no one else wants.

huh.

i had my ics session and LUCKILY the ics worker looked at my phone and said, "do you have a nailclipper or something?" and i said, "yeah." then got him my toe nailclipper. he picked the piece of the charger which was jammed in the plug out and we tested to see if it charged after and it did. so i don't have to wait for fredrick to come but i canceled my wax for nothing (even though she claims i never had one scheduled). i just gotta reschedule one now. i gotta make sure it's on a day where i'll absolutely have a ride there because i don't feel like canceling/missing an appointment and getting charged for it (it has actually happened to me a few times before).
that also means i don't have to worry about not getting a lyft ride for friday's interview now. so i have a better chance at getting employed now. there's gotta be an employer out there who will recognize my drive and persistence and give me a shot. i also scheduled a zoom interview with some car dealer for a receptionist job there a few hours ago. gotta keep my options open, seeing as it seems that employers may be turned off when i walk into the interview with a cane. i don't honestly feel that ALL of the employers i interview with find another person more qualified for the position. not after around at least TWO interviews a week for the past year or so. i always think the interviews go well and i'm disappointed when they don't follow up. so that's around 48-50 interviews (maybe a little more or less) without interest in actually hiring me. i'm not sure if my problem is that i don't have anything that really goes out of the way to impress employers (my skills obviously aren't good enough..). the only thing i can really think of is that employers must view me as a liability because of the cane. as illegal as it is- i don't really have strong proof that IS what it is. it annoys me that tim and the rest of his family must not think i have problems as a result of him drinking and driving because they're so comfortable with not talking to me and making snooty comments about settlement bullshit. like i'm not doing as bad as they're comfortable communicating with or caring about- so they feel more comfortable with blocking me out. it's kinda like a little kid vandalizing a house and getting in trouble by the law for it but walking away without any consequences from anybody else. ah well. i'm not the one who condoned a person drinking and driving and killing one person and NEARLY killing the other passenger. NOT ON MY CONSCIENCE AND GOD WON'T BE HAVING THAT CONVERSATION WITH ME AT JUDGMENT DAY! the normal person might be like "well it was an ACCIDENT and you said you forgave him." well YES.. but i don't appreciate him clearly being influenced by his sad ass excuse of "support" NOT to talk to me and or even see how the person he NEARLY killed is doing. i was thinking of ALL the things that i didn't have an opportunity to do because i was in a wheelchair, worrying about rehabilitation. NEARLY ALL of my teenage years were in the crapper because someone decided he was the mack daddy, so it was alright to drink and drive. I DIDN'T GET TO ATTEND PROM. I DIDN'T GET TO ATTEND A LOT OF ACTIVITIES YOUNGER PEOPLE NORMALLY ATTEND IN SCHOOL BECAUSE I WAS IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR. I DIDN'T GET TO PERSONALLY WALK UP TO THE PODIUM TO ACCEPT MY DIPLOMA. i didn't get to attend most of school (i only graduated with honors because i was so ahead of credits BEFORE my car accident).. meaning i couldn't participate in sports or other physical events. DOESN'T MATTER THOUGH CATHY! AS LONG AS I GOT THAT DAMN SETTLEMENT! i missed out on A LOT of my teenage life. OH BUT IT'S OKAY! I HAD A FEEDING TUBE AND BACLOFEN PUMP MY TEENAGE YEARS TO MAKE UP FOR IT! you people are so fucking shallow and you talk about how I should be more grateful.. GRATEFUL FOR GOING THROUGH THE WINDSHEILD AND SPENDING SIX MONTHS IN A COMA (crocs in new york even advised my family to disconnect the life support because if i ever came out of the coma- i'd be a vegetable my whole life). I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I GOT TO GO THROUGH THAT SHIT INSTEAD OF LIVING ACTUAL CAREFREE TEENAGE YEARS! I'M SO UNGRATEFUL! considering i didn't have a drop of alcohol in my immune system- which is why i got fucked with a traumatic brain injury and your smart ass son WAS drinking but the alcohol paralyzed his immune system- SO NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM! GOOD NEWS! HE WAS ABLE TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED! I MUST BE THE SPAWN OF SATAN.. THAT'S WHY I GOT SCREWED OVER WITH A TBI AND I CAN WALK BUT I TEND TO FALL WHEN I DON'T HAVE A CANE OR SOMETHING TO ASSIST ME!.. seriously- devil woman.. your time IS coming. get cocky all you want with having a son who can kill another person and nearly kill another person while still managing to get happily married to a woman (who i honestly feel sorry for) and making little future drunk drivers. maybe i'd be more bothered by tim not talking to me if he actually had any integrity. good riddance, i suppose.

telefono- nada.

i was in bed and my phone was charging fine, to my knowledge anyway- then i got outta bed and unplugged my phone from the charger in my room. when i finally got to my living room this morning, i discovered the plug to my phone popped out of the phone. i tried to push it back in and nothing would work. then i just tried to plug another charger into it in my living room and it wouldn't work. so.. i had a wax scheduled today at 1 but i need my phone to call lyft and so i just called the salon and cancelled it (i'm pretty sure that i would've got charged $50 for cancelling the appointment) but after i explained to the lady why i was cancelling it, she said that i didn't have an appointment anyway- so i said, "alright! that's a relief! thanks, bye." i'm not sure if i really did have an appointment and she was just saying that because it's even written on my calendar "1 PM- wax".. oh well, at least i didn't have to pay for a service i didn't get. then my job coach was texting me and i luckily arranged for her to take me to my job interview at the hilton tomorrow and she was confirming it. however- i DO still have an interview scheduled on friday that i'm not exactly sure how i'm gonna get there- seeing as i can't use my cell phone RIGHT NOW to use the lyft app but hopefully verizon helps me solve the broken phone problem before friday.. i think they should at least be able to give me a loner to use until i get a new one before friday. so i hope things actually work out for me considering my only phone i have right now is at 66% charge with the charging plug-insert popped out on the phone.

NOT LONG NOW!

when i showed the ics worker the email i got from the housing agency in massachusetts that sent me an email today, she said it was good that they got back to me now because now i see that i'm at the top of their housing waiting list and it won't be long now. she's right. so i'm finally seeing results in getting to where I truly want to live since this IS MY LIFE. maybe if certain parents and family members weren't so abusive and selfish- i wouldn't have wanted to move? *GASP* LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THE OBVIOUS AND BLAME THE ONE MOVING! *rolls eyes* you're just proving that i'm making the correct moves and i won't regret it for a second. EVEN my grandma realized that if i wanna go somewhere- I'M GONNA GET THERE. might as well be safe so no one is hurt or killed! anyone who's too stupid or ignorant to realize that just confirms why i'm moving and if you're too stupid to recognize that- focus on yourself, tubs. you're NOT smart enough to stop me from getting where I want. i realize you only have ONE life to live and NO ONE has to deal with the CONSEQUENCES of my daily choices but ME. it shouldn't take a coma and life support along with the ability to walk taken away from someone for people to realize that. SO IF YOU THINK YOU WANNA TRY TO STOP ME FROM LIVING MY LIFE THE WAY I'VE BUSTED MY ASS OFF TO- YOU'LL BE DISAPPOINTED AND YOU'RE ALSO JUST DAMNING YOURSELF. i don't mean to be the elephant in the room.

housing

i got an email from the housing company in massachusetts saying another person ahead of me on the waiting list accepted a housing offer but my application will stay on record for 180 days- should they or another housing company (for which i would be on the top of housing list) have another vacancy. i just hope something comes up to make me get housing there sooner. it feels like more housing opportunities are available at this housing company than the housing companies in new york. i regret not doing this sooner since massachusetts is a really nice place to live from what i've personally seen.

mas entrevistas!

i scheduled ANOTHER interview on friday after someone called me personally themselves from the hotel i'm gonna be interviewing at. i was going to schedule one earlier a few days ago but the only options left to schedule the interview was during another interview i have scheduled on thursday. so hopefully i have enough time to go to spanish class that day or i can see if the tutor can schedule it earlier or later than the time i scheduled the interview for on friday. i hope this increases the chances of me getting a job at the hotel.

what could've been.

the thought of how i could be in a totally different scenario, not being bothered by ignorant relatives and stupid clingy moms came to mind while i was laying in bed this morning. i remember my friend telling me that if i moved to new york with him, he'd take care of me and everything i needed- at that time, my grandma was still alive (i'm pretty sure this was after she found out that the doctors found a tumor in her lungs?) and i wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. then my grandma died and i'm STILL stuck in THIS state. it's depressing as fuck to be stuck resembling someone who you've tried your hardest NOT to become. i've even considered changing the spelling of my name so we don't show ANY similarity at all.. then the question of why i don't just change my name altogether so it's NOTHING like hers came to mind. that'd probably involve a lot of work though. i was fucked from the time i came outta her. every time i come close to getting as far away from her- something always happens and i'm back at square one. so needless to say- i hate my damn family (except joe and jay) because they have the mindset of misery loves company. if they can't be truly happy and satisfied then WHY THE HELL SHOULD I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO?! i haven't done anything with my life! when i stopped and thought about how a cousin of mine and her boyfriend called me a "welfare rat" and the question comparing our situations came to mind. I was involved in a car accident which nearly killed me and gave me a tbi while they don't have any health concerns (being ignorant is NOT a health concern.. oh yeah- my grandma told me her boyfriend had ADD or ADHD or some shit)- i've taken classes at THREE COLLEGES, managed to get out of a wheelchair, worked 4 different jobs, and volunteered. CAN THEY say the SAME thing? my mommy and daddy didn't own some company, so i technically wasn't able to fuck around and call people "welfare rats". you know where that term is gonna land you when you die? have fun in hell, say "hi" to satan for me. so i'm stranded in this unopportunistic state just because my family (except joe and jay) are a bunch of fuckin selfish losers who can't take the time to assist their family members after they nearly die to get where they can be truly happy and constructive. "YOU GOT THIS!" is the sad fucking excuse of "support" that i receive from them. it's like pushing someone in a canoe without a paddle or propellor in a wavy, wild river and screaming at them, "YOU GOT THIS!" expecting them to make it to land and safety. plus i'm sure she has knowledge of how stupid and careless this is.. SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE TO ACTUALLY MAKE IT RIGHT! my sister can try to find all the fuckin similarities as she wants so she can relate to me, so i THINK she's just like me but she hasn't been through HALF the shit i have. her mom actually cares about her- she'd never sacrifice her body if her dad would kick her mother. she also couldn't tie my shoes- she hasn't finished past the 8th grade i think.. i may be giving her too much credit though. so NO- you CAN'T relate to me and you DON'T know exactly how i feel- SO DON'T TRY THAT BULLSHIT WITH ME.. just because we're both damned with the same mothers. *GASP* I HAVE A BROTHER TOO! HE DID GRADUATE! HE ALSO HAS THE SAME FATHER AS I DO- UNLIKE YOU. the difference between you two is that he knows how to mind his fuckin business. we both must get that from our father. stupid cousins can try to downtone everything i've fuckin said but until THEIR mom holds them up to shield THEIR dad from kicking them.. IT DOESN'T MEAN A FUCKIN THING. she's a SHITTY MOM and you're shitty people for condoning this bullshit. *GASP* ANOTHER REASON WHY I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE TO LIVE IN MINNESOTA! it's a nice place and all.. the people just SUCK and there's NOTHING to do.

the joys of not having decent advocacy.

i got a letter saying that i needed to renew my lyft service or i wouldn't have transportation anymore. i use lyft mainly to take me to and from sabathani and for my job interviews. i don't have any other transportation method- seeing as i lost my metro mobility card they sent me and i called metro mobility and they claimed that i needed to send in a new application for metro mobility and they sent me one, i don't remember what i did with it. i would normally put it in my planner but it's not in there either. i know we called them and i think we filled out ANOTHER application for it but i still haven't received anything yet. i need transportation because *GASP* NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ME TO ADVOCATE FOR ME TO GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE AGAIN! THOSE DICKS CAN USE THE EXCUSE I FAILED MY COGNITIVE TEST BUT I COULD ALWAYS GET A COGNITIVE COACH TO HELP ME PASS IT. just more proof that NO ONE wants to see me succeed or even live my damn life. YOU GOT THIS! *rolls eyes* you are quite possibly the worst "advocate" my grandma could've picked. she must be rolling in her grave right now at the LACK of care you've given me. i'm sure she never thought you'd be this selfish and naive when assisting me. you seriously have no idea how fuckin difficult it is for a VULNERABLE ADULT to even function in this society. it's easier for you to just ignore it and assume you know everything because i'm SICK of courage kenny where they make their money off conning clients without advocacy into attending their ridiculous excuse of a "rehab facility". YOU'VE NEVER PERSONALLY ATTENDED THERE YOURDAMNSELF. YOU'D RATHER LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR KEWLIEZ PHYSICAL THERAPIST IN-LAW SAYS! i'm pretty sure the NORMAL, CARING family member would NORMALLY take into consideration what their aunt's daughter's FIRST HAND EXPERIENCES are over an in-law who works at the place you're depending on to help distract me more, so i'm way too fuckin old to help myself to live in another state with MORE OPPORTUNITIES AND THINGS THAT INTEREST ME SINCE THIS IS MY LIFE. i deal with the consequences of my choices and i don't need people trying to mess my plans up because they want to look "good" to their in-laws. they must not like you for you to even consider forcing your cousin (who is too HEALTHY and ABLE to go there anymore.. people that help me every day have said this to me) to attend that sad ass excuse of a "rehabilitation facility". courage kenny is just trying to profit off my lack of knowledgable advocacy by gaslighting me and saying i never attended that waste of time institute before.. HM- THE CELL PHONE VIDEOS THAT I HAVE ON FACEBOOK MUST BE AI OR SOME SHIT THEN?! fuck rehabilitation. i should go into technology seeing as i can create AI videos of me at some institute which denies i went there! I'M MORE TALENTED THAN I THOUGHT! i also was thinking about how fucking stupid my family is to keep me in this state- I'M OPENING THE CAN OF WORMS EXPOSING THE SHITTY-NEGLECTFUL PARENTING OF MY MOTHER. I KNOW THAT NO ONE HAD THIS MUCH OF AN IDEA THAT SHE WAS SO FUCKING SELFISH AND SHITTY OF A PARENT TO RISK MY BODY AND HEALTH WHILE GETTING KICKED BY MY DAD. IT ALSO PROVES HOW MUCH MY FAMILY DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY WELL-BEING.. JUST AS LONG AS I'M STUCK BY MY SELFISH INCOMPETENT BUM OF A MOM SO SHE'S NOT THEIR PROBLEMS- SHE'S MY PROBLEM! screw you all. if and when it's up to me- THE FIRST PLACE I'M STICKING THE BUM IS IN A NURSING HOME. at least she'll probably get better care than i did from her.