whatever's more convenient for *SUPPOSED* other people!

today when i went to the lady who did wavetherapy on me, i was talking to her about my plans for the day. i remembered that i have my dentist appointment at 4 today and i said, "OH YEAH! later i have a dentist appointment!" then she said, "yeah? are you just going in for a cleaning or what?" then i said, "yeah and i'm gonna have them look at this tooth i chipped the other day when i was taking my retainer out of my mouth on the top row.. i was trying to think of the sports broadcaster for football on sundays who has a space in between his teeth.." then she said, "MICHAEL STRAHAN!" and i said, "well.. i think i kinda look like him now with this space in between my tooth." with a laugh. then she laughed and said, "it's not THAT bad but i know who you were talking about! haha he has all that money and doesn't even fix his teeth. it must be a memory for him or something.." then i said, "yeah. call me STACY STRAHAN." then she laughed and tried to reassure me again. i came back to my apartment and looked at it- it's not that bad really but i don't want it to get worse. i wonder if i need to go to my orthodontist for her to adjust my top retainer again. we'll see what the dentist says. i guess michael strahan's teeth might be like my crooked finger that was broken in the car accident i was in and those great doctors at buffalo's hospital couldn't even set it correctly- so now it's crooked when i point with my left hand pointer finger. they really were good for shit at that hospital. they told my family to disconnect the life support because if i ever came outta the coma i was in- i'd be a vegetable all my life. proof of the incompetence of buffalo, ny. they can't properly handle medical emergencies- so they make up lies that'll excuse their incompetence and laziness. that's probably one of the reasons my grandma had me air ambulanced to regions hospital in minnesota so some REAL medical professionals could help me. story of my life.. whatever's more convenient for others, just do it!.. luckily, my grandma stepped in and refused to disconnect the life support. i know that no one else in my family would've done that for me. (except joe but i didn't know him that well back then and i think he was still living in california back then)

gap

i forgot to mention that i have a dentist appointment for a cleaning and to look at my tooth that i chipped the other day when i was taking my retainer outta my mouth the other morning. to me- it looks kinda like michael strahan's teeth and the gap in the middle of his front teeth but the ics worker CLAIMS she can't tell (which i seriously doubt.. it's either me being too self-conscious or she's lying to make her job easier- so it's one less thing she has to help me with.. hm- i honestly don't know).

Take me. I don’t have anything to lose.

i just got outta sabathani where i worked. i'm thinking redsidents of this area are trying to avoid doing things in the community here because of those ice fuckers. i could give a shit less if those dicks arrest me- the only reason why i got my citizenship certified was because i know it would've just gave my mom an excuse to get atttention for "caring" about me when she's shown absolutely NO concern for my mental health. it's easier for her to put a fake act that she's worried and/or sad when i get pushed so far i can't turn back. OH LOOK! THERE'S MORE FOR AMANDA AND DUSTIN TO LAUGH AT! just because you've never experienced something- it doesn't fuckin mean there's not a problem. save the attempt to be helpful by forcing me to go to courage kenny. when i was going there when my grandma was still alive- i felt worse than this. i remember driving my wheelchair out to the highway and thinking about driving my wheelchair onto the highway- the only thing that stopped me from doing it was hopes that my grandma was telling the truth that amanda would get me to new york. so thanks for NOTHING.

just because someone says something- it doesn't make it true.

i was listening to charlamagne tha godd as usual in the morning and his donkey of the day was the secretary of state kristie gnome or wtf that ho's name is. he said she was donkey of the day because of how she basically tried to cover up nicole strong brown's MURDER by just assuming we'd listen and believe everything she said about how nicole strong brown was shot by ics. i had a feeling that the grump administration would try to get away with covering their asses when she got murdered, so that's the reason why i blogged MY OWN ACCOUNT about what happened and the reactions from people who were ACTUALLY nearby when it happened (my coworkers talking about what happened that day since i didn't work til the day AFTER it happened). i'm sure my ex and a bunch of my family members are just eating up what grump's fat ass says. i'm not even sure how he seems to think he can get away with lying about the MURDER in this day in age.. EVERYONE has smartphones and they take pictures and videos of EVERYTHING. oh.. that's right.. i forget grump is stupid and he thinks the world revolves around him- so the truth doesn't matter. which is also why i posted basically every video i could find of what really happened that day, so his asspal elon muskrat would have a lot to do erasing them all. i have a feeling that a lot of people from the town i grew up in were paying attention to my timeline because i was the closest one to the action that they knew and they probably didn't feel confident believing what that fat ass of a president CLAIMED happened. he tries to take advantage of small town folks by thinking he can make up wtf he wants and they'll believe him since he's president! takes a little more credibility for me to believe some guy who's nickname is "don the con" and i'm pretty sure when i FIRST went to new york, he wasn't president then but people in new york spoke about how he ripped them off. so NO WAY in hell would i EVER believe someone who'd try to deport me in a second. lemme tell your fat ass a secret.. I'M UP FOR MY DEPORTATION! IF THAT MAKES YOUR FAT ASS FEEL LIKE HE'S ACTUALLY BEING USEFUL- BRING IT ON FATSY. so i'm gonna have to have my passport and certificate of citizenship with me now when i go to work and out in the public because the wanna-be commies will be after me. THIS DOESN'T MATTER TO AMANDA OR THE REST OF MY FAMILY! AMANDA AND HER HUSBAND ARE GRUMP SUPPORTERS!! the incompetent fool is a RUSSIAN TOOL. his intentions for this country are NOTHING BUT BAD. he's only doing this shit for his russian pimp daddy vladimir putin. the united states even investigated his connections to vlad. he's gonna take all your money and ship all the jobs overseas. you morons only voted for him because he didn't like people who were different than him- JUST AS LONG AS IT WASN'T YOUR KIND! well- when all the minorities are gone- YOU'RE NEXT. you people are so stupid. God made EVERYONE DIFFERENT from each other for a reason. his son was black. you people discriminating against black people and people different than you are really going to be disappointed at judgment day. keep it up, morons. nobody believes a thing i say anyway, they all think i'm crazy. crazy is better than ignorant and stupid.. so i guess i'm crazy then. i'm disabled!.. so that makes me STUPID- right amanda? don't treat me like i'm stupid. "don't pee on my head and tell me it's rain." that's what charlamagne was saying kristie gnome was doing to the american people when she tried to cover up nicole brown smart's murder by ice agents- which is also a feeling that i'm all too familiar with. grow up and find things out YOURSELF instead of assuming things because that's just easier for you! NEWSFLASH: LIFE IS NOT EASY. don't act like you know that shit either just because you happened to have a job, house, vehicles, and other material things. when something happens to you- NONE of that matters anymore. get your fuckin priorities and values straight. take this advice from someone who has FIRST-HAND EXPERIENCE. none of your family and friends will support you. stop being such entitled, ignorant pricks.

DANGER is *EVERYWHERE*.

well.. i hope this recent un-called for shooting of renee strong good shows my family that minnesota isn't guaranteed safe because i'm sure that's one of the reasons why my mom ACTED "concerned" and like she actually cared about my safety of living in new york, she enjoys the attention she gets from people naively acting concerned about me (like amanda and the other people from the town i grew up in). GUNS ARE EVERYWHERE! *GASP* ALONG WITH GUN HAPPY PRICKS WHO CALL THEMSELVES ICE. you dumb fucks aren't helping shit when you vote for donald grump either. you're next. once all the people who show resistance to him are gone- he'll go for his supposed "supporters" next. it's annoying that i have to explain this shit to you. most of you are older than me and you should be well informed about hitler and his agenda. grump is just a stupid version of him.. well hitler was stupid- grump is just an irresponsible, entitled version of hitler who is also less intelligent! so that's bonus points! the question i don't understand is just exactly why in the hell people felt like it was a good idea to elect some guy who made ALL his companies go bankrupt and he's a hateful jerk. you might feel "well at least he doesn't hate us! so we'll keep encouraging him so he leaves us alone!".. there's an end to everything. when you no longer serve him- he's gonna hate on you NEXT! newsflash idiots. you think you're special? grump doesn't care about ANYONE but his own fat ass. you better recognize. my presence is an inconvenience to you anyway.. YOU ALL PROVED THAT WHEN YOU NEVER CHECKED ON ME WHEN I CALLED YOU FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM THOSE PAST TIMES. i could be dead. the ONLY relative who checked on me last time i was in the hospital was joe. he took the time to have a video chat with me and everything. COULD I COUNT ON ANY OF YOU OTHER PEOPLE WHO ACT CONCERNED ABOUT ME SO IT'S TAKING ME MORE TIME TO ACCESS RESOURCES TO GET MY ASS OUTTA HERE TO DO THAT FOR ME?! IT'S NOT CONVENIENT FOR ANY OF YOU SELFISH FUCKS. i'm not sure what the fuck your goal is besides to make me as MISERABLE as you. get something better to do like walk your damn dogs or play a boardgame with amy. MINNESOTA IS NOT SAFER THAN EVERYWHERE ELSE. *GASP* PEOPLE GET MURDERED HERE TOO! i'm not being a hermit because i'll just wilt away and waste my life- NOT DOING ANYTHING WHATSOEVER WITH IT.. I'M ALMOST 40 FUCKING YEARS OLD AND I DON'T HAVE KIDS, I'VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED, ALONG WITH A LOT OF THINGS THAT I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THANKS TO THIS OPPORTUNITY-LESS STATE. THAT'S GREAT FOR MY FAMILY THOUGH! AT LEAST THAT MEANS I STAY OUTTA TROUBLE IF I DON'T GET TO DO ANYTHING, RIGHT AMANDA AND MOM?!

can't expect help from people who are supposedly supposed to be "caring" for me enough to get you where i'm truly happy. wtf are relatives for anyway?

i spoke with the guy for homeless prevention yesterday about the apartment in burnsville evicting me for my reactions to the smoking in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT after i filed several complaints about the cigarette smoke with management. he asked me what they did after i filed the complaints and i said, "PFFT. THEY JUST SENT OUT NEWSLETTERS REMINDING THE OTHER TENANTS NOT TO SMOKE. NO ONE GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE I CONTINUED HAVING TO BREATHE IN THE SMOKE." then he said, "well- we could file a lawsuit against them because you got sick." i was trying to remember the exact time or about when i had to keep going to the doctor for surgeries on my palate and i'm almost positive at LEAST ONE of the surgeries was during the time i lived in burnsville.. i lived there for a while though- so they were all probably done on my palate during the time i lived there. i used to take deep sighs all the time and i had THOUGHT it was because of my brain injury making me tired all the time but i sigh very rarely now and *gasp* I NO LONGER LIVE IN AN ENVIRONMENT WITH SMOKING! WHAT A COINCIDENCE! so i'm pretty sure it more than likely had to do with how i was in an environment with smoking in it. good thing i have a big mouth since my advocate doesn't advocate for me about ANY of my problems. she's been little-to no help whatsoever in life and i KNOW my grandma had high expectations for her to help me live where I want.
i've been posting a lot of videos with renee nicole good on facebook lately because the grump administration keeps releasing false narratives to cover up their incompetence and inability to go by the damn constitution. i just missed the actual situation but from what i overheard from the people at sabathani, it was pretty eventful.

i missed the excitement!

when i was at sabathani today, i expected to hear about what went on yesterday with the lady who got shot by ICE. at first, it was business as usual but then towards the end of my shift, i heard one of the guys who work there (he usually is the one who helps me when i need help) talking about how ICE had all these vehicles and wanted to park around sabathani yesterday and there really wasn't anywhere to park. they shared my feelings about the grump administration. i was looking at my stats today and just by the looks of it- my mom must be acting concerned about me and maybe telling others so they look at my blog because they have nothing better to do other than pretend they're concerned about someone just to make my mom feel better so she leaves them alone. tell me MOM.. were you THIS concerned about me when you used ME as a shield when my dad was kicking YOU? no? i didn't think so. if you were that fucking concerned about me- you'd be urging other people to ACTUALLY help advocate and assist me with getting resources to live where I am TRULY happy- so i can be satisfied and CONSTRUCTIVE with my life. something you and amy (my half sister) obviously know NOTHING about, so you're trying to cling to me because MISERY LOVES COMPANY! then when i was went to the front of sabathani when my shift was over, i was talking to the security guard as usual and he said, "it's better than it was here yesterday." and i said with a laugh, "yeah.. just LUCKILY i got my certificate of citizenship and passport in the mail YESTERDAY- so those ice fuckers can't harass me about that.. well.. not LEGALLY anyway." then he said, "that's good! it was crazy here yesterday." so i just missed the party. which is more than likely a good thing because i tend to get cocky when people i don't like try to show authority.. and i DON'T like being pushed around. NOR do i like seeing other people get pushed around.
i also spoke to someone about how i basically got evicted for my reactions to smoking in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. the guy seemed willing to help me.. UNLIKE SUPPOSED "CARING" FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WERE SUPPOSEDLY GONNA GET ME TO NEW YORK ACCORDING TO MY GRANDMA! i told him that when the ics was helping me apply to an apartment in boston said that he might have difficulty getting me into the apartment because i was "evicted" for my reactions to smoking in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. he said straight out to me, "that's illegal. you got yourself a lawsuit right there." and i said, "YEAH! THAT'S WHAT MY COUSIN JOE SAID TOO!" the ONLY CARING family member who actually assists me in life so i'm truly happy. amanda is just concerned about looking GOOD to other family members. NOT what she supposedly told my grandma she'd assist me with. she doesn't give a damn about me or my mental health. QUIT THE FAKE SHIT. MY MOM IS GONNA BE GONE BEFORE I AM, ESPECIALLY WITH ALL HER DAMN SMOKING. AMY CLAIMS SHE QUIT BUT I BELIEVE JAY OVER AMY ANYDAY AND HE SAID THAT SHE STILL SMOKES. i've got MORE life than she does and probably a lot more than people who falsely claim they "care" and that's why they don't want me to move where I TRULY WANT TO LIVE. i'm thinking that my mom also probably discovered i put a block on all her damn numbers- which is also probably why she looked at my blog so much. FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO. GO WALK YOUR FUCKING DOG. i refuse to communicate or even interact with ANYONE NOT supporting MY goals. go fuck yourselves. i've went through enough shit just to get myself where i currently am and i'm NOT stopping just for the convenience of people who really don't give a damn about me. even grandma understood my goals but she was getting old and naive and ridiculously put her confidence in a selfish person who really doesn't want to help me because she couldn't give a damn about me. EVERYTHING about me is too damn inconvenient for her. proof of that is how she never answered the phone when i called her from the emergency room (it wasn't JUST ONE TIME when she refused to answer the phone either- after about the second or third time, i just told the emergency room doctors that i didn't wanna call anyone because no one cared- one of the times, the doctors put me on caplyta- so my LACK of care and total control from my damn family are causing me to require anti-depressants! my family is making me require to be drugged up on happy pills! this is the kinda shit i gotta put up with). i could be dead. she's probably disappointed that i'm not because other people expect her to care about something that she only cares about when it makes her look good to other people and/or when it's beneficial to her. the guy from sabathani suggested i file a complaint with the attorney general of this state about the apartment evicting me for my reactions to the SMOKING in a "NON-SMOKING APARTMENT". i told him that i'd get back to him after i spoke with my cousin joe (since he's the ONLY relative who cares about my mental health and well-being).

another day at work

so after hearing cnn and the reports of how ice killed a lady in minneapolis today, i got my certificate of citizenship and passport in the mail.. so HOPEFULLY ice doesn't beat the shit outta me for not being a certified citizen (considering ALL i had to guarantee my citizenship before was a mexican birth certificate that my aunt patty managed to grab after my uncle threw it and some other papers at her when he was having a pissy fit.. my joint citizenship papers were more than likely in the papers she didn't manage to scrounge up). so fredrick took me to get my citizenship verified a couple months ago and LUCKILY the certificate of citizenship and my passport came today and JUST in time for me to go to work at sabathani in minneapolis tomorrow. the backround of the reporters looked familiar and i'm pretty sure i go past there sometimes when i go to work because i remember visiting the george floyd statue a while ago and she was killed a few blocks from where he was killed. oh well. i'll just do my job normally tomorrow and go with the flow even though i have a feeling there MAY be some sort of memorial put on by sabathani since ilhan omar has an office at sabathani and i seen her condemning this killing. there's a picture of ilhan omar across from the door of the office i work in at sabathani. i'm almost positive the murdered lady will be honored tomorrow though which i have absolutely no objections to. ice is like a toddler with a damn gun. they think they can shoot anyone and most of them probably aren't even licensed gun holders.

CIUDADANA!

GOOD NEWS! i got my passport and certificate of naturalization in the mail today. so when i take my trip to mexico- they can't make me stay there legally. my grandma used to naively say, "OH! YOU'LL BE FINE! YOU'RE A DUAL CITIZEN!" when i used to ask her what would happen if grump became president again (before he was elected for a second term) and tried to deport me. considering that fat incompetent heifer was preaching about how dual citizens would be deported too- i'm hopefully safe from that. chances are i'd just attempt to make the best of a situation IF i did get deported because that's what i've been forced to do all my life. now i gotta see if ics and/or amy will assist me in buying plane tickets and making hotel reservations and the such.. i don't know how far ahead i should do it because i wanted to make a trip to chihuahua, mexico where i was born on my 40th birthday. HOPEFULLY i'll be able to do that in time. sorry to disappoint certain racist ass family members (not necessarily MY racist ass family members either).

*GASP* you can't keep me down for your convenience and benefit?!

to expand on my last post- the nurse who fills my anodyne machine came today to refill my medications in it for the week. she said to me while i was playing some game on my cell phone to just keep me occupied, "you're always doing something! i was thinking about you the other day and i remember when you were just in an electric wheelchair! NOW YOU'RE HERE.. JUST WALKING AROUND! IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SO STUBBORN AND YOU DON'T LET PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!" then i responded with a little laugh, "heh.. yeah- i can still remember when i went to dr. schuh in his office and asked him to write out a prescription for me to do physical therapy at the courage center and he tried to explain to me that some people just have to spend the rest of their lives in wheelchairs.." i honestly don't remember anything else he said after that because i don't pay attention to people who are negative nancies trying to discourage me from doing something i KNOW i have the ability and capability to do JUST so they can make money off me. i can't tell you how many times i've heard "STACY, A HARD HEAD MAKES A SOFT ASS." in the past. as long as i have the ability to move my arms and legs.. I'M GONNA DO IT TO MY GREATEST ABILITY. GO TRY TO MAKE SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CAPABLE OF WHAT TO DO. i have too much life left for people to take advantage of my situation just because THEY could NEVER do half the shit i've done to help myself get where i am today- NO. THEY ALL ASSUME I'M TOO HANDICAP TO DO ANYTHING AND THEY'D APPEAR MORE CARING AND SUPPORTIVE IF THEY UNDERESTIMATED ME AND TRIED TO HAVE ME CONTINUE TO GET A SAD EXCUSE OF A "REHABILITATION INSTITUTE" BUSINESS- EVEN IF I HAVE MORE CAPABILITY AND ABILITY TO DO THE SHIT THEY'RE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME "HELPS" ME OVER AND OVER- SO THEY CAN CONTINUE APPEAR "HELPING". i advise anyone who is disabled who really wants to help theirselves and progress in life NOT to even waste their time at courage kenny. they help you continue to be handicap and attempt to keep you satisfied with it (i say "attempt" because it obviously DIDN'T work with me). EVEN my past psychologist said that a bunch of his clients told him the SAME thing i did. if you wanna see someone go to fuckin courage kenny- YOU go there. what's that? you're not in the condition to go there? I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. CAN IT. just put yourself in MY shoes. i know empathy is difficult for unintelligent people. that's another reason why i'm STILL a resident of this state over 10 years when my grandma used to CLAIM that "amanda will get you to new york!". lack of advocacy.. and care.

i got THREE words for you!

my job coach came today and i was applying to some jobs while she was here. the hospitality field has been interesting me lately. i have customer service experience and my experience in technology and computers just looks more appealing to employers. my interest in technology may actually come in handy because i think in the past two or three interviews, the person interviewing me has went out of their way to recognize my experience with computers. my job coach was particularly impressed after today's meeting because she said that i've applied to 15 jobs since she seen me last. i told her that it was worth a try to apply to these jobs, i don't really have anything to lose by trying to enhance my job resume by getting more experience. it's not to the point where i can egotistically look down on another person for working a specific job- like i've seen certain relatives of mine do in the past to other people. it's not like any of you are CEO's for fortune five hundred companies. you never know what's going to happen and you shouldn't get cocky just because you happen to be employed. there's a good chance that it's easier for a particular person to get hired for the job you're working (ESPECIALLY in the small town/small minded areas) or the employer may have just been desperate for help at the time and you were in the right place at the right time. it takes more than a big mouth, cocky attitude, and big tits to work jobs which ACTUALLY requires brain cells and pays DECENTLY. in case you can't tell- i've heard my share of insults and nasty remarks in the past about my employment. i don't really understand WHY people seem to be so concerned about if and when i'm working if they're not looking to help me. mind your business and worry about yourselves and why you don't have ANYTHING better to do besides insult a person ACTUALLY TRYING to make something of themselves. the facts are- i'm DISABLED and it's more difficult for people who are disabled to get jobs. worry about yourdamnselves. i almost died 23 and about 5 months ago, i was comatose for 7 months, HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE YOU KNOW CAN SAY THE SAME EXACT THING WHO ARE NOT IN NURSING HOMES OR DEAD? right. shut up. you're not gonna get anything rewarding outta insulting or criticizing me for working and attempting to keep my resume fresh. worry about YOURSELF.