possibility?

i just spoke to a man about an office administrator job on the phone. he was nice and he explained what the person who would be working the job would be doing and asked my job experience. i'm pretty sure i confused him with my minnesotan accent because he was probably expecting a mexican twang to my voice/pronunciation which mexican people seem to have with their accents. he asked me where i was from and i said, "well.. i was born in mexico.. then like a month or so later- my mom brought me with her back to minnesota where she was from." then he said, "oh. i'll call you for an in-person meeting later.. how should i communicate with you? through email.. indeed?" then i said, "email might be best because i'm not sure i return my text messages right away.. also indeed." so i'm pretty sure i scored an in-person interview after this phone interview! he seemed interested in hiring me.. well, from my opinion anyway. he may come across other candidates though because like i said before, i'm not sure i put much of a relevance to people. ah well- all i can do is think optimistically because thinking negatively really won't get me anywhere.
i found out some more bad news.. the clinic called me and said they found something during my last pap smear but they want me to take this medicine they sent over to the pharmacy and they'll test me again next month. it irritates me because i can't even get ahold of pretty near the only person i slept with lately (since they DID tell me to tell my partner about the diagnosis). i tried calling him and it says that the number no longer works, i tried messaging him on facebook and it says "Can't deliver. User unavailable.". so at least i tried to tell him. he CLAIMED that he was crying to his mom when he found out he got hpv (i even suggested a condom).. so i'm not sure if he's just full of shit, trying to make me feel guilty for something that may not have been something new to him. i can't get ahold of him now though.. so it's not like i didn't try to tell him of something he may have been aware of in the first place. and just making me nasty.. so i gotta take all this medicine to cure it. oh well.. i tried.

another interview..

i woke up today and got ready, ate breakfast, then waited for the person from the hotel i was supposed to have a phone interview with. after about 10 minutes i just decided to call the hotel myself- the lady who was going to be conducting the interview answered the phone. she told me she was just about to call me and she had to get to her office, so she'd call me back in a few minutes. i waited a few minutes, then she called me. i asked her about training after she told me which days they were looking to hire for (the hours are perfect since i don't really have anything else to do in my life). she asked me if i had any experience in working in a hotel and i said, "well.. no but i think it was a hilton who had planned to hire me but i quit during training because the guy training me in was gossiping about me to the front desk girls. he said while he was training me, "i don't know how they expect me to train her- LOOK AT HER!". i just remembered that i forgot to tell her that he was training me in for a job that i wasn't even interviewing for. the woman who was hiring me, wanted me to have a job at the hotel and she CLAIMED that the front desk position was filled (which the girls who worked the front desk told me was untrue)- so she attempted to hire me for the breakfast attendant position. i did everything the guy training me in asked me to do except when it came to carrying this heavy jug of liquid- i couldn't do it and i didn't wanna get hurt in training, so i asked the guy for help which is probably why he said, "LOOK AT HER!". i realized that i shouldn't have quit during training, i should've just told the lady who hired me that he was gossiping about me while training me and i didn't feel comfortable. then after i told her all of this, the lady interviewing me today said that i was actually her first interview and she'd get back to me in like a week or so. i said, "oh well.. i hope you don't forget about me." because i'm not sure i make a relevant experience for people to remember me to hire me. i probably made the mistake about telling her about how i quit during training, so she might just assume i'm not dependant or somthing. although i DID tell her about the guy training me gossiping to the front desk girls, which she said wasn't professional.. i also hope she doesn't go by what that guy training me was saying when he said, "LOOK AT HER!" and assume i'm completely incompetent and unable to work the job. she might though.. considering i forgot to tell her that he was training me in for a completely different position than what i interviewed for. i need to eat and go to sabathani this afternoon.

interviews giving me direction..

first, after i got up i went to the first interview i had today which was at some hotel which looked familiar (but they ALL do.. so that's not saying much). some other hotel is actually interested in hiring me, so they messaged me asking when i could come in for an in-person interview. if they thought i wasn't capable of working the job and remaining WASTING MY TIME AT COURAGE KENNY.. DON'T YOU THINK THEY WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKIN WASTED THEIR TIME SEEING WHEN I COULD COME IN FOR A DAMN INTERVIEW?! it's pretty fuckin sad when strangers have more confidence in your ability to do things OTHER THAN EASY SHIT THAT MY LIVING ROOM WALL COULD DO JUST SO THEY GET PAID FOR KEEPING THEIR CLIENT'S ABILITIES IN THE SAME DAMN PLACE. well.. it's nice to see that some people actually have respect.. and i'm definitely not talking about the pricks who "support" me to mindlessly attend some pathetic excuse of a rehabilitation center JUST so they can appear caring, supportive, and whatever else bullshit they're looking to fulfill their egos with. you really need to consider what kind of person you REALLY are. must suck to feel better about yourself when taking advantage of a person you were trusted to advocate for JUST to make yourself look "better". i wouldn't know. i have more integrity than that. it's almost as sad as a person who reads their sister's blog every day, hoping they can find a shortcut to being successful because they're too fuckin lazy to do the work themselves on their lives. my therapist couldn't understand why i have such a problem with someone looking up to me, so they stalk me but i must make my life look easy? you REALLY think it was that fuckin easy to get where i am now? stop wasting your time stalking and ACTUALLY do the fuckin work to get on the track of getting where i am. THERE AREN'T ANY SHORTCUTS EITHER, TUBS. it just pisses me off that people refuse to realize the shit i've been through to get where i am- like this was EASY or something considering my circumstances.. you people try to get as far as i did with a narcissistic mom and her flying monkeys- one being my own sister and cousin, and a traumatic brain injury along with ALL the circumstances (having to have a few surgeries as a result of my selfish, narcissistic bum mom) and situations tied to it. YOU CAN'T. IT WASN'T THAT FUCKIN EASY AND YOU DICKS AREN'T STOPPING ME HERE, SO MY ADVICE IS TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN FAT ASSES AND WORK ON YOURSELVES. DON'T CONCENTRATE ON WHAT I'M DOING BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST GONNA GET LEFT IN THE DUST. i'm obviously smarter than you and i have other values and *GASP* YOU AIN'T ONE OF THEM! fuck off. you'll always be nothing if you just watch me every fucking day in the crazy hopes of magically turning into something REMOTELY the same as i am. i'm not kidding either. since you seem to think i'm smart enough to be interested enough to read my blog EVERY DAY in hopes of turning into me.
i've got another phone interview with another hotel tomorrow and i'm pretty sure a different one was trying to schedule an in-person interview with me on indeed.. so i hope i found my niche.

renewal!

i got my housing application renewed for new york housing for another 2 years, aisha helped me make sure i got it completed. now, i'm going to my next interview at chipotle in like 15 minutes. i just remembered and i'm PRETTY SURE the last chipotles that i interviewed at were probably in burnsville or another city. so hopefully these guys will give me a shot at working.

mas entrevistas

i just had an interview that i managed to schedule already last night. i'd say it went alright, although i DID forget to get the card of the guy who interviewed me- i usually remember that.. i hope he doesn't assume i'm any less interested in the job. this morning before i got my clothes on, a thought popped in my head- even if it IS hot- i'm not sure shorts are appropriate to wear for an interview. so i typed into google, "are shorts appropriate to wear during a job interview?" and google told me that shorts weren't appropriate to wear for an interview, so i slipped on some khakis because the hotel was more than likely to have air conditioning. i don't remember making any mistakes during the interview.. so i'm hoping the guy will give me a chance. he did say that they just purchased the hotel and they were looking to fill the jobs, so they could get it running. hopefully that makes them more anxious to hire employees. i think he said i'd hear back by next week. i have the interview at chipotle which i planned for later also. ics is gonna help me renew my application to new york housing at my ics session since i got an email saying it was going to expire in like 15 days or something. i'm pretty sure i've had a valid application in their housing company for close to at least 15 years, so i just need to keep this application to get me east as soon as possible.. but like i said- i've been an applicant of theirs for close to 15 years i think. which is also another reason why i looked for surrounding cities to reside at. i'm satisfied with the surrounding city i've chosen- it seems to have more available housing opportunities, plus it's a nice place. i see that i also have an interview at some other hotel scheduled tomorrow.

short notice!

i just got done scheduling another interview tomorrow morning at a hotel here in st. paul. the good thing is- it says it's located 15 minutes away from this apartment- so i scheduled it at like 9:30. although, fredrick isn't coming until tomorrow afternoon- so i gotta make my own breakfast, it won't cut the things i need to do before i leave for the interview but i suppose i'll just make something quick that i can put in the toaster. like i said- i jump at the opportunity to have any interview i can get my hands on. so HOPEFULLY i can at least fall asleep at a decent time tonight.. although i don't have a damn cpap to help me fall asleep.. so i'll probably lay there for hours with my eyes shut.

proof that DNA needs to be *COMPLETELY* the same to show any real similarities.

okay.. i've been looking at my stats to my blog all the time. i notice there's always at least 5 views even typically by 8 am in the morning. who could be THAT interested in my boring ass life? i've narrowed down the possibilities and i'm PRETTY SURE it's my fat sister who seems to be convinced that JUST because we happen to share HALF of the same DNA- SHE MUST BE ABLE TO FUCK HER LIFE UP AND GET IT BACK SINCE HER KEWLIEZ SISSY DID! she obviously ignores all the hard work that i've done to get where i am. i say that because i graduated with honors- in hopes of becoming a doctor until after my car accident- i assumed it'd take WAY too long to get through med school and do the hours of hard work it takes to be a doctor. maybe it takes someone who is actually AWARE of reality? if my sister has so much in common with me- i don't see how she doesn't recognize that she still has to graduate high school (and attend jr. high because i'm pretty sure she dropped out in 7th or 8th grade?) WITH HONORS and attend several different colleges, work a few jobs.. then MAYBE we're on the same level. my brother managed to graduate, attend college, AND earn his certificate in welding.. along with get a welding job. what's the difference between all my mom's children? other than different fathers (my sister has a different dad besides my brother and i)- my brother and i lived mainly with my grandparents when they were alive- so we basically got raised with VALUES. although if you wanna consider getting pregnant when you're 12 something of values like my sister.. shit.. i don't honestly think i lost my virginity just before i was 21.. i think i have a tendency of scaring most guys from trying things with me. whatever.. look at that as a good or bad thing.. at least i wasn't set up to be a welfare mom at a young age. the one lady who realized my sister was on a bad track- my grandma, attempted to help my sister get set up with classes to get her ged.. what does my smart ass sister do?! PUSHES HER OWN GRANDMA ON HER ASS AT MY APARTMENT AFTER MY GRANDMA ATTEMPTED TO STICK UP FOR HER WHEN MY SISTER'S MONKEY ASS BOYFRIEND IS PUSHING MY SISTER AROUND! THEN SHE LAUGHS ABOUT IT LATER WITH THE DEADBEAT CHIMP LATER AT MY MOM'S PLACE. she never apologized.. because i KNOW my grandma would've told me about it. so i'm pretty sure my sister thinks that getting myself where i am right now HAS to be easy and within her abilities because she's my KEWLIEZ SISSY! work on step one, fatsy. concentrate on getting your ged because the grump administration is stripping people on welfare of their benefits. she doesn't have anyone successful to actually look up to- so i'm pretty sure she's stalking me and attempting to see if there's any easy shortcuts.. the answer is NO.. there aren't any shortcuts. i went to school, college, and later worked jobs even with people attempting to say i was too handicap to work.. i STILL get discriminated against when having interviews. i am more than certain that the fact i have a TBI doesn't look good to employers. they'd rather hire a fully healthy person rather than a disabled person- probably because they view me as a LIABILITY (which i was actually told by the physical therapist at courage kenny i was and that's why they didn't let me do the things that would actually strengthen me). so needless to say- i'm grateful for any interview i get because it shows they have confidence in me working. i have this interview at chipotle tomorrow- i think i've interviewed there at least twice before.. so it's not saying much. so if fatsy seems to think i'll put my own plans on hold to help her progress and do better- she has another thing coming. WHY? SO YOU CAN PUSH ME ON THE GROUND JUST LIKE YOU PUSHED GRANDMA?! I THINK NOT. i have too much to lose. you're obviously too stupid to comprehend that because i feel like i've wrote about this before.. it probably makes you wet with excitement.. i'm not sure how stupid people think though. concentrate on yourself, tubs. then maybe you'll realize you're SUPPOSED to RESPECT your elders.. not push them on the ground when they attempt helping you. get your shit together. i'm trying to and the LAST thing i need is my family pulling me down because they don't have anything better to do. you and the flying monkey seem to be homies.. maybe she can help you.

field trip!

i forgot to mention that yesterday at spanish class, the tutor brought me on a field trip to el burrito mercado. he showed me the grocery store type place and i asked him what various foods were in spanish and other questions. we also had some desert from their little cafe area and something to drink. it was nice to get out for a change, plus treat a little.

*JUST* because you're stupid- does *NOT* mean i am too.

for any idiots out there that THINK i'm actually stupid enough to think that courage kenny is the only place that can give me my driver's license (courage kenny obviously does because EVERY time they failed me during my driving test, they ALWAYS commented "needs more therapy"). I WASTED AT LEAST 10 FUCKING YEARS AT THERAPY THERE WITH HOPES THEY'D ACTUALLY HELP ME GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE BACK. I'VE SEEN A GUY WITH ONE LEG WHO HAD HIS DAMN DRIVER'S LICENSE- HE DIDN'T GET IT FROM COURAGE KENNY. i have the videos on facebook to prove i attended that useless excuse of a "rehabilitation facility". i'm NOT stupid like you and i have a LIFE to LIVE. which doesn't consist of looking like a handicap rehabilitation tool JUST to give people the idea that my family is caring and supportive because THEY'RE NOT (except joe). EVERYTHING I DO IS INCONVENIENT FOR THEM. it's really fuckin sad if you need to have a family member WHO IS DISABLED to make you look "caring" because you're not caring naturally. i'm not here to make anyone look good that ISN'T MYSELF. i've been disabled since 2002- i KNOW there are other people who are disabled who got their driver's license and IT WASN'T FROM COURAGE KENNY. just because YOU are naive and have the idea that the only place that gives people who are disabled their driver's license is courage kenny.. does NOT mean I have the same ignorance. my grandma was so wrong about you. she stupidly had the idea that you'd help me in different ways than she thought (which would be attending courage kenny mindlessly). she told me nearly EVERY night i would cry to her about how i was wasting my life doing shit that wasn't helping me at courage kenny, "WHEN I'M GONE- AMANDA WILL HAVE YOU IN NEW YORK! NO MORE COURAGE CENTER!" she had the idea you'd ACTUALLY help me with MY goals since she was aware that she didn't have a clue on how to help me get to new york and she wanted to make sure it was SAFELY this time. you don't have enough sense to realize that though. it's not convenient for you. PLUS- I'M MENTALLY HANDICAPPED LIKE MY MOM- SO I'LL BE GLAD THAT MY KEWLIEZ COUSIN IS JUST TALKING TO ME! (although you never make the time to do that either..) so i'm putting this SHIT you put me through behind me and trying to pick myself up by my bootstraps BECAUSE NO ONE (except joe- who i really didn't expect to help me but it's awesome that he at least cares enough about me to make sure i'm SUCCESSFUL and truly HAPPY being constructive and useful with my life) ELSE will ACTUALLY take the time and effort to actually care and assist me any way they can. THANKS FOR NOTHING, AMANDA. YOU GOT THIS! you know.. this is really bad for my mental health. having people assume i'm acceptive of LESS than what i ACTUALLY want. especially after EVERYTHING i've been through- find me another person who managed to live through SEVEN MONTHS in a coma, AT LEAST 15 YEARS IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR FOR HER SELFISH FAMILY'S EGOS, and over 10 years of physical therapy (that pathetic excuse of a "rehab facility" courage kenny will just deny it because THEY GET THEIR MONEY FROM GASLIGHTING CLIENTS AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF CLIENTS WHO LACK KNOWLEDGABLE, CARING ADVOCACY). i'll just continue to build my resume and get to a place which ACTUALLY is able to help me get out of the house and work like an actual, responsible citizen of this country with their accessible and more available transportation. CAN'T EXPECT AMANDA AND/OR ANY OF MY OTHER FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE) TO ASSIST ME AND SUPPORT ME TO BE TRULY HAPPY AND CONSTRUCTIVE. JUST because i used to be in a damn wheelchair does NOT mean that i should stay disabled and handicap just so everyone assumes my family is actually caring and supportive people because THEY'RE THE OPPOSITE. how many other people have moms who have held them in front of their dad while he was kicking them and used them nanchalantly as a shield while attempting to show him why he should calm down? any other CARING parent would do EVERYTHING they could to remove their daughter from that situation SAFELY.. my mom? PFFT. I SAID "CARING".. WHICH SHE IS NOT. I'LL USE MY DAUGHTER'S BODY AS A SHIELD AND PLAY DUMB (ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T REALLY NEED TO "PLAY")! proof that this happened and i'm not making this up, you ask? the TWO bowel surgeries i've had to have in my life. i distinctly remember my grandma saying under her breath after i had my first perforrated bowel surgery, "well she did get in the middle of a fight between her parents and she accidentally got kicked while her mom had her in her arms and was turning away." so my grandma KNEW what went on and she purposely condoned it, so people wouldn't assume my mom was a bad mom. after i got a blocked bowel, i looked up on google how people get blocked bowels and it said people get blocked bowels when there's trauma inflicted on the abdomen region.. LIKE A FOOT KICKING A MOM WHILE THE MOM IS SELFISHLY USING THEIR BODY AS A SHIELD SO HER STUPID ASS DOESN'T GET KICKED?! "Yes, a person can get a blocked bowel from trauma to the abdomen, though it is less common than other causes like prior surgery. Blunt or penetrating force to the stomach area can harm the intestines and lead to a mechanical blockage or functional slowdown." i was sitting at my computer the first time i felt the pain before i got taken to gilette when they determined i had a blocked bowel. the fact that i'm sure i've told this story many times before on my blog and my "friends" still seem to think i'm the crazy one for wanting to get as far away from the mother from hell justifies the reason why i'm leaving and have absolutely NO desire to appease amanda's careless, selfish ass by wasting MORE of my fucking life at courage kenny. i've had recurring dreams about being held in front of my dad while he was kicking my mom- which is a symptom of PTSD. so LOOK! my mom DID give me something! PTSD! the SAME PSYCHOLOGICAL MENTAL CONDITION THAT PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT IN WARS EXPERIENCE! and just ANOTHER reason why i'm getting as far away from the mother from hell AS POSSIBLE. the doctors tested me MANY times after my car accident to see if i had PTSD because of all the shit i've been through in life- i wasn't diagnosed with it until after i had this last surgery on my blocked bowel, when i had recurring dreams about being kicked by my dad because the mother from hell held me in front of her to block him from kicking her. "what about how she took care of you after your car accident?" GRANDMA MADE HER, flying monkey- MIND YOUR BUSINESS. i remember hearing SEVERAL calls of her whining to grandma about having to take care of me. she even left me at her apartment several times alone while she went to the bar and played pool with her little boyfriend carlos while i was in a wheelchair at the beginning of my traumatic brain injury- before i told my grandma about it and she bitched her out and eventually came into town to sit with me while the mother from hell went out to the bar. I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS SHITTY EXCUSE OF "PARENTING"! *rolls eyes* stfu. just because YOU have "caring" parents- does NOT mean that everyone else has parents who actually care for their kids and have their well-being in mind. i'm convinced that my mom was NOT (and probably still isn't) mature enough to have children. what a coincidence! my dad wasn't either!.. i didn't know him personally because my grandpa chased him to mexico after he accidentally kicked me.. i have a feeling he drank a lot. i think i remember my grandma telling me that. don't you EVER get the stupid idea that i'll THANK you for NOT helping me either. for some reason i'm getting that's the stupid shit you'll try to pull outta your ass to hide your ignorance and lack of knowledge of the things that my grandma was expecting you to have. AFTER 11 YEARS ON THE 22ND I'M STILL IN THE SAME STATE. you didn't help me get outta that shithole in burnsville- i was the one who had to act rambunctious to get told i needed to leave that smokey ass apartment. my grandma used to lie to me every night on the phone during the last few months of her life, saying, "AMANDA WILL GET YOU TO NEW YORK WHEN I'M DEAD! NO MORE COURAGE CENTER!" she forgot the most important detail- you could care less about me, her, or WHERE I WANT TO LIVE!.. silly her.

just looking to be *ACTUALLY* constructive and useful.

alright.. i just went to sabathani to volunteer at the front desk and i USED to be assigned on tuesdays and thursdays until someone told me like 2 months ago at least that they didn't need me on thursdays anymore. i thought, "alright.. they're giving other people opportunities. that's fine- it'll give me more time to work on getting an actual job." but then like 2 weeks ago, i went to sabathani to volunteer on thursday again and no one else was there- so i kinda figured that they didn't get someone else to volunteer that day and they might not have wanted to ask me to volunteer there more since i asked about possibly getting compensated for volunteering and they figured i was only about getting paid. i am not strictly expecting to get paid from there because i'm pretty sure my job coach said that no one that works there gets paid, so i thought to myself, "why should i be any different?". i'm pretty sure that volunteering there DOES happen to make me look more qualified to employers though because employers would very RARELY contact me about being interested in hiring me before i started volunteering there but now after i've volunteered there for a while- more people are actually asking me for interviews and are interested in hiring me. it's also good experience for working the jobs i'm interested in working. with that said- i DID manage to schedule a phone interview for an office administrator job next week about 15 minutes ago. since the woman at the salvation army made a comment about how my work experience were really only office jobs and she was looking for people with experience in retail, so i took my chances and applied to this job and they're ACTUALLY interested enough to schedule a phone interview with me. so i'm HOPEFULLY getting somewhere in getting hired again, since i see that office jobs will actually be interested in hiring me. i've been getting a couple phone interviews lately though and they don't lead to anything though. hopefully that's not the situation now.