slowly moving..

i just met with the ics worker. they read the email from the housing authority in massachusetts that just emailed me saying the things they want me to send them and then i can get a place with them. the ics worker told me that i have everything ready to send them, i just need to fill and sign this CORI form out and send it back to them. i asked the ics worker what a CORI form was and she said it was something where they wanted to see my criminal history. i laughed a little and said to her, "criminal history.. ha.. i'm almost 120 lbs and barely 5 feet. i highly doubt i'm capable of many crimes." then she laughed and said, "yeah but i'm sure they require everyone to fill one out and they don't already have one in the computers in that state, so they're asking for one now." so we agreed that we'd call the apartment tomorrow since they're closed on wednesdays and we'd find out if there was anything else i needed before we mail it off tomorrow (she said that she could take me to the post office tomorrow too). they said that i needed a doctor's note saying any accomodations i'd need due to my disability but i'd be happy to get in any apartment there. if i needed any accomodations- i could figure out a way to make it work. seeing as this apartment right now isn't an accessible apartment but i have a shower chair in the bathroom to bathe myself. i could make it work.. may take some work but life is a game of adaptations. if you don't know how to adapt- you're basically fucked. the nurse who fills my anodyne machine was at my apartment when i was talking to the ics worker about moving and she said, "HAH! I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO COME TO YOUR APARTMENT IN BURNSVILLE AND FILL YOUR ANODYNE MACHINE.. YOU'D ALWAYS BE STANDING IN YOUR STANDING FRAME WITH HEADPHONES ON- LISTENING TO MUSIC! IT'LL BE DIFFERENT FOR ME NOT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE! REMEMBER?" i said, "yeah.. i remember. i'd go in it for a half an hour every day while i lived in burnsville." don't even think about wasting my damn time, trying to stick me in another one. someone (an old case manager i think) threw it away because they couldn't fit a standing frame in this apartment with all my furniture when i moved from burnsville. i'm NOT doing the SAME SHIT my whole damn life just because people aren't alive to advocate for me about how hard i've ALREADY worked. not gonna happen. you wanna see someone stand in a standing frame and/or waste their damn time at courage kenny? YOU DO IT. selfish, careless pricks. "YOU GOT THIS!"

trippin on my cane.

i just got back from the interview at the rehab. center and i seriously doubt that i'm gonna get a call back. it wasn't anything i did wrong at the interview because i don't remember saying anything wrong. the lady who interviewed me went out of her way to say a few times, "well, this job deals a lot with getting up and going places in the rehab. center.." she had to have been feeling unsure about my cane, because i don't think she would've brought it up to a person without a cane.. well, not as much as she did anyway (i think it was 3 or maybe 4 times). so i DID go outta my way to explain why i was using a cane, so i didn't have the idea she was assuming shit that was totally untrue, possibly making my chances at getting the job lower (even though i doubt she would've even kept bringing up how the receptionist was always on the go if it didn't matter to her that i had a cane). she told me that i'd hear from her if i DID get the job and i instantly thought, "so she's telling me that i won't hear from her and not to even bother her since she's not gonna get back to me.". so next job i guess. someone is bound to see my desire and persistence eventually. it started to make sense to me why i'm seeing a lot of people on the streets with signs. if a smart ass feels like telling them to go out and get a job.. I'VE BEEN TRYING AT LEAST FOR THE PAST TWENTY FUCKING YEARS. employers aren't interested in hiring a liability. easier said than done, you entitled jackasses. "why doesn't she just go to courage kenny like all the other stupid disabled people?!" they underestimate my potential and ability just to continue acting like they're helping me doing easy ass shit and counting on me to think they're actually TRYING to help me get stronger and taking advantage of a vulnerable adult who doesn't have caring advocacy all the fuckin time. how would you fuckin like it to be kept doing the SAME shit since you were fuckin 16 years old (so that's 24 years) and having people get paid for taking advantage of your vulnerability and considered "helpful"?! you wouldn't. if you are saying, "THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO HELP! YOU AREN'T LETTING THEM HELP!" fuck you. you're part of the problem. EVERY FUCKIN TIME I'VE BEEN TO THAT OVERPAID HELL HOLE- THEY'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO SET ME UP ON THE FUCKIN NU-STEP AND ASSUME THAT I'LL FEEL LIKE THEY'RE ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP. that machine DOES NOT help me physically the way I need to be helped. my damn living room wall could operate that shit. this is the kinda shit i get expected to put up with in this fuckin state. you're a fuckin selfish naive idiot if you don't understand my position in this situation. I'M DONE WITH THAT SHIT. I STARTED IT WHEN I WAS 16 WITH HOPES THAT THEY'D START PROGRESSING ME TO ACTUALLY GET STRONGER.. DID THEY?! HELL NO. the fact that you idiots won't even stop to consider my position in this situation just tells me exactly why i am where i am and not accomplishing MY goals since i was 16. BECAUSE MY FAMILY AND EVERYONE ELSE SUPPOSEDLY SUPPORTING ME ARE SELFISH, CARELESS, DICKS. you can try to say, "oh i helped you when you were in a wheelchair." THAT'S BECAUSE GRANDMA MADE YOU, BUM. i remember calling her several times at your apartment when i needed something and i was in a wheelchair but your selfish ass HAD to go to the bar to play pool with her stupid little boyfriends. she eventually came into town on the weekends and sat with me when you couldn't even fulfill your parental responsibilities for a weekend when i came to your house to really see grandma since you obviously don't give a fuck about me. MY TWO BOWEL INCISIONS ON MY STOMACH PROVE THAT, ASSHOLE. i don't know why you read my blog all the time. i'm never gonna praise you after the shit i've been through because of you. you couldn't even take accountability or even bring up the traumatic situations in my life. no.. i had to put two and two together and have reminiscing dreams about being kicked by my own dad because YOU decided to hold me in front of you while he was kicking you. i tried to make sense of this.. i can't. i know you wouldn't even hold one of your dogs in front of you while being kicked by your husband. you must've secretly loathed our father and are taking it out on his kids (since my brother is the only other kid you had with him.. my sister's father is a whole different dick) i'm not gonna say that you wouldn't hold jay (my brother) in front of you while being kicked because you probably would. i'm pretty sure you wouldn't hold amy in front of you though.. you actually care for ONE of your kids. why didn't you just have one kid? you obviously can't handle the responsibility of three. who knows? i don't understand stupid people and i'm not even gonna try. i was just reminded of the virtual interview i have at 2 for the verizon provider.. i'll just have to try again to get this job.

i probably disappointed her by not being a mini-me.

i was just thinking while i was volunteering at sabathani about whether my grandma would be proud of what i'm doing today, i'm thinking she would be even though she always used to try to make receptionist jobs unappealing (i remember when i was thinking of things i wanted to study a long time ago.. i think it was when i was still wasting my life at burnsville, i asked her, "what about a receptionist? i'm good at typing and i think i could probably be good at office jobs since i'm pretty organized.." then she said, "OH!.. no.. then you have to answer phones and deal with rude people.. you don't wanna do that, do you? no.." then i'm not sure if that spurred my interest because my grandma was trying to sway me away from wanting to be a receptionist.) the same thing probably goes for my interest to move to new york and the east coast because my grandma seemed to be so supportive and interested when my uncle todd moved to wyoming. i liked it when i was younger.. but now that i've lived life- i realize there are lots of hicks there and they're racist, besides there's even less to do there compared to minnesota. i remember running into racist kids in wyoming when i was younger. it made me feel ashamed of being hispanic. i remember wanting to be a meteorologist when i was younger and that was just to impress my grandma. now, when i think of the weather- i don't find any interest at all.. if it rains, it rains.. if it snows, it snows.. just have to adapt to it. i don't find any interest in it anymore. i'm pretty sure my grandma is partially responsible for giving my mom the idea she was slow and couldn't read. just so you know, i'm pretty sure you figured this out by now- being slow and illiterate is NOT "cool" or anything remotely positive, mom. being the victim like you always like playing is NOT cool or anything to be proud of.. i'm pretty sure my grandma gave up on swaying me to be a little version of her (i'm not really sure why.. although she did used to call me the "little bitch" and she was "the big bitch" because we had a similar attitude and opinions on things). the grandaughter that resembles my grandma's personality most (with exception to her temper.. i probably am more like her than this granddaughter) would have to be my cousin jessiy. i say that because i know my grandma was on tons of anxiety meds and she tried to have control on everything and everyone around her. which is why she tried to convince me not to be a receptionist because she was so nervous that i'd run into the wrong person and they would end up hurting my feelings or something. in order for a person to have knowledge about something- THEY HAVE TO EXPERIENCE IT. i'm aware that i don't have the benefit of having parents who own an apartment i can live in, giving me free rent, and basically carefree- unlike my mom. when she fucking realizes that I am ALL i got. that was proven to me a long time ago (probably around 10.. maybe 15 years ago) when i called my mom and amanda in the emergency room just to let them know what was happening and my mom was the only one who answered the phone and she didn't offer any support by bawling the second i told her i was in the emergency room. crying about things does NOT solve anything. it won't get me out of the damn emergency room. i tried calling amanda to no answer at all. i tried calling her mom (my grandma's sister) and she told me she was up north so she didn't get good connection there. i realize amanda is NOT my mom. she's not even my guardian- even though i think that might've been what my grandma was trying to make her before getting the picture that I am smart enough to make my own decisions. proof of that would be how my grandma didn't make it so people didn't think i could make my own decisions. she even told me several times about how i "had my head on your {my} shoulders to make her own decisions".. but if something ever happened- she wanted to be sure that someone was there to make sure my rights weren't taken away.
i hope i can actually sleep decently tonight. i gotta wake up at around 7:45 to get ready for my interview. the job coach filling in for my regular one is gonna take me to the interview at 9:45. i hope i'll actually fall asleep at a reasonable time. if i were to go to bed early- it really wouldn't pay.. i'd just lay there with my eyes closed, attempting to fall asleep and i wouldn't get to bed until after 1 am or 2 am tomorrow since i don't have my cpap working yet. the guy from healtheast health alert is supposed to come to my place at 12 or 1 tomorrow since my health alert doesn't work- so if i need help, i need to manually call 911 which isn't convenient. plus- the cops here in st. paul seem to be more of pricks than in burnsville (who were honestly glad to help me- they must not have much to do compared to st. paul police or they're just better at their jobs naturally). the cops here act irritated if i call them if i fall or something and they say, "she's not bleeding. she's fine." or something along those lines. they might as well kneel on my damn chest. i'm kinda thinking i had to press my health alert one time when i was living at the previous apartment in st. paul because i was having trouble breathing and they brought me to the emergency room. i don't remember why i had to stay the night. so the cpap is also necessary for me to get solid rest- so i don't end up going through the day sighing because i'm so tired (yes tubs, there IS a health reason why i sigh all the time- NOT JUST FOR FUN OR ATTENTION). i'm not sure if you still try to copy me by sighing fakely, thinking you're cute or something because you do. so i've been forced to resort to an old-person-machine in order to help me sleep.. how fun. *sarcasm* genetics fucks me once again. i honestly can't breathe when i'm sleeping a lot of the time, i don't sigh to be cute or for fun. my brain gets tired from trying to work hard while i'm breathing- so i sigh tiredly a lot especially when i'm really tired.

rescheduled!

i rescheduled the in-person interview while i was laying in bed this morning, it had to have been about 7 am. i assumed i didn't have anything going on wednesday because it's usually an open day for me. after i accepted the new interview time, i got out of bed to check just in case if i had anything going on at that time. i just had the video interview that i scheduled in THE AFTERNOON with the verizon retailer. so i luckily made a good judgment. i was just thinking about how much money i get from lyft a month and i tried to remember the days i'd be working for this particular job. i hope it isn't the job that i thought i remembered you were required to work 4 days and i don't remember how many hours- although i really wouldn't mind working that often, i'm not sure i have enough lyft money a month and my metro mobility card hasn't came in the mail yet. i don't remember how long ago i requested a new one because i couldn't find the one they sent me over a month ago. as much as i hate metro mobility- the past few times i've been forced to ride with them, they actually had nicer drivers (they weren't the old dicks who just drove as a part-time job while on social security).
i know i've wrote about this before on here, i would like to remind certain relatives.. i was NOT put on this earth to make my family members feel better about their lives. so if you figure if you don't support me- i'm too stupid and lazy to make things happen by myself because i have a TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY!.. no- i am a HUMAN also. i have goals and a life which isn't reserved to act like a damn stool to my family members who don't think they have to do the work to help themselves be truly happy, constructive, and successful. that goes for you mom AND amanda. you two are on the SAME levels when it comes to the amount of support and "care" you've given me. you both think alike.. you know what i was suggested to do yesterday? LET THEM. i know i have the book by mel robbins and i feel like i've read it a couple times. let them stay on the level they're at and i'm not communicating or going out of my way to associate with any of them if they can't be truly caring and helpful to me. i don't see any reason to allow people who have absolutely NOTHING going for themselves to cling to me- ESPECIALLY IF THEY AREN'T GOING TO HELP ME. you chose your spot. nice knowing you (not really.. i wouldn't look like a voodoo doll all sewed up from all the surgeries i had to have because of YOU).. go screw yourself.

interviews still leading nowhere..

well, the first person who interviewed me, seemed interested in hiring me. they said they'd call me tomorrow (i forgot when exactly..). the second interview kept saying that she'd have to call me later since she took her cat to the vet and finally said she'd call me either tomorrow or thursday. when she called me back the first time, it seemed like she was genuinely interested in hiring me. so hopefully i've started something that will actually pay off in the long run. i also have the in-person interview where the person just tried to reschedule the interview to the morning and i didn't recognize her name until after i requested an interview for a different time. hopefully she actually answers the phone tomorrow morning when the lady who answered the phone today just now told me to call back. man.. i didn't think getting hired for another job would take this damn long when i quit the job at hilton when going through training because she tried to put me in a position which required more physical activity besides the front desk position i had applied for in the first place. she ended up having too many people hired for the front desk (a front desk worker said they needed help at the front desk during the weekends in particular though). i didn't think it was very professional of the old guy who was training me to feel comfortable complaining about training me though.

entrevistas! busy week!

i have two phone job interviews tomorrow and an interview on wednesday for some wireless provider, followed by an in-person interview on thursday at a hotel (the hotel sounds familiar- so i'm not sure if i've already interviewed here before?). douglas told me that he went through 50 some interviews (i forget the exact number he said- he mighta said 65..) before he finally got his job. so someone's gotta decide to hire me eventually. volunteering at sabathani is great to give me something to do but i'd just like to see some compensation after everything i've been through. i get to meet new people and actually help people.. so it makes me feel good to go there. it gives me something to do so i don't have time to think about shit and/or get in trouble. working basically comes in handy to me to keep me occupied. now i understand why some people work a lot. it really doesn't bother me.. i'll probably end up eating my words someday when i'm swamped with work and swept with fatigue from working so much knowing my luck. at least i won't be bored. it's also probably better for my mental health to be volunteering because i actually feel productive and like i have a purpose in life (other than looking like a mindless rehabilitation pawn who is too handicap to help herself like when i was forced to go to courage kenny). just because you don't know how i feel personally does NOT make it any less important or true. i noticed when i forgot to bring my cane to sabathani, people didn't treat me as disabled and cautious as they do when i actually have my cane.

reasons for certain things going on with me..

i forgot to mention one of the primary reasons why my heart has been fluttering and it's proof i need to get as far away from the mother from hell- i notice my heart fluttering when or after i'm talking to my mom on the phone. which is also a reason why i try to avoid communicating with her (i don't call her). i'm pretty sure i remember telling a nurse in the emergency room that i just got done talking to my mom before i started to feel my heart beating irregularly.
i had ics today and he helped me print off some information to nearby grocery stores in the boston area since we're not exactly sure of the apartment i'll be living in- so we don't know exactly where the nearest one is yet. zen told me he'd make a book of resources when i move there but zen doesn't work here anymore and it always seems like i gotta take housing offers in boston right away and be more proactive about it- or they'll give the apartment to someone else. so i'm trying to be on top of my shit before they slide another offer under my eyes and expect me to take it right away.
i was also thinking about the cognitive test i last took and failed- so i can't drive anymore. i remember taking a few of these before this recent one i failed and i passed them- so i could get my permit. well, i wonder if one of the reasons why i failed it this time was because i haven't been doing my own laundry lately (the supervisor of this program aisha said to me a few weeks ago, "stacy.. you know.. you don't have to take out the garbage by yourself- fredrick gets paid to do that kinda stuff.." she must've got taking my garbage out myself mixed up with doing my own laundry (because the other week, i was washing my clothes and the dryer on this floor is broken- so i needed zen's help to take it upstairs to the dryer..). i passed my cognitive test when i was washing my own clothes when i lived in burnsville where they had accessible washers and dryers.. it's a bit more difficult here- so i haven't been doing my own laundry because it's not as accessible and the dryer wasn't working on THIS floor after i had washed my clothes.. so that's another difficulty because i have trouble hauling wet clothes all the way upstairs to the dryers and WE DON'T HAVE AN ELEVATOR IN THIS PARTICULAR APARTMENT.. so that just makes it more difficult physically for me. i remember back when i first moved here- the case manager i had at the time (gregory) had told me that i wouldn't be staying here that long because i should get an apartment in boston quickly- since they were telling me that my name had come up on the waiting list. it was nice to actually have a case manager who was willing to help me with MY goals. then he got another job and i got a different case manager.. i think i've had at least 3 since i had him since i change case managers more than i change my panties. so really I am ALL i got. (i'm aware of this- so you don't have to keep giving me empty excuses of encouragement like "YOU GOT THIS!" it was cool at first but when you didn't offer any support to go along with it- it's frustrating) i'm the only one who will get myself outta this OPPORTUNITY-LESS STATE. i'm NOT just mindlessly attending some ridiculous excuse of a "rehab facility". I'M DONE WITH THAT SHIT. THEY DON'T MAKE ME GET BETTER OR PROGRESS AT ALL. JUST SO I CAN MAKE IT LOOK LIKE PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME leading NOWHERE until they gotta shove me in a damn nursing home. right amanda and mom? THIS IS MY LIFE. NO WONDER WHY I HAVE PTSD BECAUSE OF YOU. i never was diagnosed with ptsd when my grandma was alive and i remember them testing me NUMEROUS TIMES for it at gillette because all the shit i went through in my life. JOE IS HONESTLY THE ONLY FAMILY MEMBER WHO HAS ACTUALLY MADE AN EFFORT TO SUPPORT ME BECAUSE HE DOESN'T VIEW ME AS INCONVENIENT. family members who ACTUALLY care about their family members show support and care for their family members even when they DON'T have the same views and goals. and STALKING is NOT the same thing as "support"- mom and fat amy and jessiy. SO THE FASTER I'M FAR AWAY FROM THE FAMILY FROM HELL (EXCEPT JOE AND JAY)- THE BETTER I'LL BE. HONESTLY.

breathing.. the reason why my heart flutters..

i just seen the ics worker for my session, i had told her about the happysleep ring not monitoring my sleep the past few nights because when i opened the app on my phone last night, the night before, and the night before it said i was supposed to put the ring on, even when it was on my damn finger and had been charging all day. regularly, i usually woke up every night about 3 times and my breathing status always read "79%" (or around that number) along with "Watch Out!".. i'm pretty sure that means it didn't sense me breathing at all times during the night. whatever. if doctors aren't concerned to get me a new cpap right away- i'm not either. the ics worker figured out that the problem why my ring wasn't working had to do if the bluetooth was right. i'm pretty sure i figured that out a few weeks ago when i got outta bed and went by the charger with my phone and messed around with the settings.. i just forgot about that until she had me go into settings myself. maybe i'll just go to sleep naturally and never wake up, survival of the fittest or some shit- population control. then amanda and my mom won't have to put on acts like they actually care about me anymore- less to worry about. i also noticed when i was doing my range of motion by the counter that when my heart flutters- it effects my breathing (like my heart beats and breathing seem to align). then jessiy's son antonio came to mind and i wondered exactly why the hell jessiy isn't more apprehensive towards me (seeing as i'm almost positive she reads my blog with my sister like it's the newspaper) and my heart beating abnormally. it's because she's like the rest of my family (with exception to joe) and DON'T CARE AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH THEM!.. but god forbid i actually do something with my life because they KNOW they can't take credit for it and they have irrelevant lives they're really not proud of. i seen the cardiologist last week and she just told me that she couldn't do anything with my cpap if i didn't have it there with me. (if i tried to lug that big machine around, i KNOW i would've got hurt and/or broke the cpap more than it already is) i know that people with apnea tend to be loud snorers when they sleep but i remember my grandma telling me all the time how she didn't know if i was still breathing when i was sleeping, i also remember her waking me up in panic a couple times asking me if i was alright because she didn't see me breathing while sleeping at her house. my ex doug claimed that i snored loud, that's why he always slept on my couch when he came to my place in burnsville. he was more than likely full of shit. i just wanna get some sleep. i don't remember the last time i woke up feeling fully rested.

another one.. hopefully i'm successful.

i confirmed my job interview with the clinic that requested one today. i actually have some lyft money left in my account but i don't wanna use it all up when i could find alternative transportation because i need lyft money to take me to and from sabathani every week. so, i asked my job coach if she could take me and she said she'd have to have a colleague to take me (even though it's scheduled during the time she scheduled to meet with me.. so i don't know, people don't ever wanna seem to do their jobs when working with me- whatever..). i have a feeling i'll be forced to take lyft there, so i'm gonna see exactly when i should leave by- so i'm not late and so if i need to, i'll have it planned to call the ride on time. the joys of having to plan transportation instead of DRIVING MY FUCKIN-SELF. i gotta deal with this shit for the rest of my life because no one seems to care about me to advocate for me (YES IDIOTS.. I DO NEED ADVOCACY FOR THIS. AFTER 24 FUCKING YEARS OF TRYING TO GET MY DAMN LICENSE.. DON'T YOU THINK I NEED HELP?! NOT IF YOU'RE A CARELESS, ENTITLED, SELFISH EXCUSE OF A FAMILY MEMBER OF MINE! YOU GOT THIS! you're FUCKING STUPID if you don't understand why i have absolutely NO desire to stay in this fucking state.. fuck you, thanks for showing me exactly who i CAN'T count on when shit happens- lazy, selfish, ignorant pricks). i just hope i get this job, so i won't have time to think about how much my life fucking sucks. "GO TO CHURCH!" yeah because it's so fuckin easy to just get my shit together and go to church with THE LICENSE WHICH WAS REVOKED BECAUSE I WASN'T PHYSICALLY ABLE TO USE IT BECAUSE OF A FUCKIN DRUNK WHO CAN DRIVE, GET MARRIED, HAVE KIDS AND LIVE HIS LIFE ALL FUCKIN NORMAL. THIS IS WHAT YOUR KEWLIEZ SISTER HAS TO PUT UP WITH, TUBS! YOU WANNA BE SO MUCH LIKE ME- PUT UP WITH ALL THE SHIT I HAVE TO.. I GUARANTEE YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF. I KNOW I'VE THOUGHT OF IT MANY FUCKIN TIMES. tim, his kewliez wife, and all his kids don't have to deal with this shit. i fell off my couch this morning talking to the lady about my health alert and i landed on my head. DOESN'T MATTER AS LONG AS I GOT PAID! RIGHT CATHY AND SARAH? you two are gonna answer to your creator on judgment day about why you said this shit. HE'LL KNOW THAT YOU'RE LYING TOO. have fun ladies, say hi to satan for me. my psychologist gave me phone numbers to call if i'm ever thinking about killing myself- i'm not sure where they went. oh well.
the ics assisted me in calling the apartment in massachusetts to find out if they received my application. no one answered the phone, so i just left a message. hopefully they return my call soon.

still can't sleep.

i got up and got ready for the day, i thought i had an appointment to get a new cpap (because i seen on the calendar on my cell phone that i had an appointment for my cpap on there but it wasn't on my wall calendar where i usually put my appointments- so i assumed i just forgot to put it on my calendar on the wall), the lyft driver was driving me and we were on hennepin ave. (because that's what was on my cell phone calendar) but he couldn't find the right numbers, so he was gonna drop me off on the sidewalk near where it said the address was but it wasn't on the buildings.. i raised my voice and said, "ALRIGHT. JUST DROP ME OFF HERE. I'LL GET RAN OVER BY ALL THESE CARS WHEN I FALL, CALLING MY RETURN RIDE." and i got out of the vehicle, then called fredrick and asked him the address, he told me what he seen and i told the driver and he said that's where the gps took him. so i gave the phone to the driver and let him talk to fredrick, that didn't help, so i took the phone back and called a return ride home from lyft. the same driver who was dropping me off told me that he got a request from lyft to return me to my place, so i got in the car and we went back to my home. i had canceled my therapy session because it was at the same time as my appointment for my cpap, so i basically canceled it for nothing. i seen another appointment scheduled i think next monday or the monday after that for my cpap on my calendar.. so i'm HOPING that's the correct appointment, so i can actually fall asleep right away and wake up well rested soon. i also tentatively scheduled another job interview at some clinic in minneapolis.. hopefully things work and i get a job there because i'm BORED and like i said- i tend to get in trouble somehow when i get too bored (which does NOT mean i should go to courage kenny mindlessly because they just underestimate me there to take advantage of my lack of knowledgable advocacy, so i get kept doing easy shit that my living room wall could do and they expect me to keep a good attitude about it while still engaging in their pointless activities my living room wall could do which don't help me at all but it helps them get business while they take advantage of their vulnerable clients LACKING KNOWLEDGABLE ADVOCACY). i'll just continue to look for jobs now.